It Hurts Too Much
by Amani's mom
Summary: What happens when Nico's past catches up with him? Nico and Dani are just friends in this one, but still close. They flirt but have never kissed. Story is AU and Marshall is still alive. Just an idea I've been playing with, let me know what you think.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: For those new to this story, I took it down for a while because of a personal situation that was close to this storyline. I know it's a darker story line than most people are used to with these characters. Also, please note these characters are not like the ones portrayed in the show. I don't have a beta so all mistakes are mine. Reviews are welcome. **

Chapter 1

It's late in the morning and Nico and Dani are sitting in Nico's office discussing the latest stunt TK has pulled. Dani's convinced that it's all for attention and will blow over soon. Nico wants to just suspend TK's twitter account but Dani said no.

Marshall enters with a letter in his hand and his demeanor is very solemn. "Excuse me for interrupting but this is important." Nico sees the letter and the handwriting. He knows who it's from, but he doesn't know how Marshall got the letter before him. Nico gives him a look and Dani stares quietly between the two.

Marshall completely ignores Dani and looks directly at Nico. "Where do you keep the letters? I know you get one every month, but I need to know where the first letter is and it's important right now." Nico stares intently but doesn't speak.

"Damn it Nico, where is it? Is it here or at your loft?" Nico sees the desperation on Marshall's face and reaches into the bottom drawer of his desk and pulls out a shoebox full of letters. All unopened and all with the same handwriting. Dani is confused but so intrigued that she doesn't move or speak in fear of interrupting.

Finally, Nico breaks his stare with Marshall, opens the box and pulls out the first letter. Marshall is not surprised that Nico kept all of them and never opened one. Things would've been so different over the past eight years if Nico had only opened that letter.

Nico finally speaks. "How do you know about the letters and why is it so important now? I have no intention of reading any of these but why do you need me to open the first one? And how did you get the last one?"

Marshall looks at Dani and then at Nico. He's about to ask her to leave and Nico can tell something's off but still doesn't move. Marshall receives a text message and his face grows concerned. "Nico, open the letter. Now. Please?" Nico has only heard Marshall say please a few times so he turns the envelope over and uses his letter opener to cut the seam.

Nico opens the envelope and begins reading quietly. His usual stoic expression fades. His eyes begin to tear and his hand have a slight shake. Dani sits quietly and watches as Nico appears to fall apart. She has never seen so much raw emotion from him and now he sits before her reading a very personal letter and suddenly he jumps to his feet in anger.

Marshall was waiting for this. He knew anger would come first. Nico leans forward and stares Marshall down. "How long have you known?" His voice is barely a whisper and a tear rolls down his cheek. Dani turns to look at Marshall trying to think of anything that would make Nico respond like this. Marshall takes a step back and looks to the floor. The intense glare from Nico is making him uncomfortable. "I was with her when the doctor told her. Nico, she made me promise not to tell you. It's her place to tell you, not mine. She's tried calling you a million times and you never returned her calls, text messages or emails. She decided to write you letters. She has written you a letter every month for the past 8 years. The only response is once a year you send her divorce papers." Dani's mouth dropped.

Now she can't keep still or quiet. She jumps up. "You're married? You have a wife, ... 8 years? Nico? What's going on here?"

Nico looks to Marshall completely avoiding her eye contact or questions. "Why is it so important for me to read this now? Today? And what about the last part, a child? I have a child?"

Dani sits back down. She doesn't know what to say. Marshall looks at Nico and his phone beeps again. "Nico, we have to go. Something has happened and I will explain on the way to the airport but we need to leave now."


	2. Chapter 2

Nico is quiet most of the way to the airport. He holds the box of letters and refuses to look at Marshall. As they pull out of the parking garage of the stadium, Marshall begins to explain the situation.

"I got a call early this morning, Natalia and Alexander were in a car accident and it's serious..."

"Alexander? A son, I have a son?" Nico turns to look at Marshall. "What's his whole name?"

Marshall glances over and nods. "You need to read those letters. I think she mentions his name in about the third or fourth..."

"No Marshall, tell me his name! Have you met him? Does he know about me? Does he know what happened? You never told me about this! How is it, that for 8 years you never told me? What the hell is wrong with you? I would have made sure you knew you had a child, I don't tell lies and I would've never kept that from you!"

"Nico, I couldn't tell you! I promised her and she needed that. She still loves you and hopes that one day you can get past what happened. She doesn't blame you at all. If you would've opened just one letter you would know that. She prays every day that you will come to your senses and just call. I know you and I know that you let guilt control your actions. I've done my best to help you, but I would never force you into something you're not ready for. You still blame yourself and until you get over that, you won't move on. One question, do you still love her?"

"Marshall, I almost killed her! How do you 'get over' that? If you hadn't shown up when you did, she wouldn't have made it. And now...you mean... at the time… she was pregnant? Pull over!"

Marshall stops the car just in time for Nico to open the door before he throws up inside the car. His breathing is labored and he is about to pass out. All of this is too much at once. Two hours ago his biggest problem was TK sending tweets about a locker room argument and now his wife and child were in a serious car accident. All of his self-control is gone. Marshall gets out of the car and walks around with a bottle of water. He hands it to his friend and places a hand on his shoulder. After a few minutes Nico finally gets control of himself and rinses his mouth out. Marshall knows Nico is hurt, angry, confused and so much more at this point. He quietly guides him back in the car so they can get to the airport.

When the car comes to a complete stop in front of Marshall's private hangar, Nico finally looks over, "Please, tell me his name."

"It's Alexander Valente Niccolo Careles, II."

"She named him after my grandfather?"

"Yeah, she said you mentioned something about it once. Seriously, she wrote all about it in the letters."

Nico looks down at the box and for the first time notices how much love and devotion must have gone into the letters. On the 24th of each month she mailed the letter. He noticed a few years ago that the postmark was always the same and on the back of the envelope across the seal was the same sentence on every letter: "Da qualcuno che ti ama oggi." Now he feels worse if that was even possible.

Nico is drawn from his thought by a beep from Marshall's phone, another text. Marshall moves to get out of the car and dials a number on the way to the plane. Nico follows behind trying to hear the conversation but he's not close enough. All he got was that they would be there in about three hours and to meet them at the airport with a car.

* * *

Back at the stadium, Dani is still sitting in Nico's office lost in thought when Xeno comes in with a folder to place on Nico's desk. He sees the doctor but doesn't say anything. He turns to leave when she looks up and sees him. She knows Nico trusts Xeno more than anyone else on his staff and if any personal issues come up that he can't handle, Nico will only call Xeno. He's almost to the door when she speaks. "Xeno, how long have you worked for Marshall Pitman?" He turns to look at her not really know why she asks that question. He thinks back, "about 10 years over all but not all at the same time. I have known Mr. Pitman for almost 20 years. We were in the Navy together. "

"How long have you known Nico?" She turns in her chair to get a better look at his face.

"I first met Nico about 16 years ago when Mr. Pitman purchased an Indy car team. I was hired for transport security. Nico was the team lead and he saw my potential. He taught me a lot about the business and when he decided to leave California, he recommended me as the team lead. I know Nico served with Mr. Pitman but was already out of the Navy by the time I met Mr. Pitman." This is the most she has ever heard this man speak at one time. "Do you know why he left the Navy?"

Now Xeno is getting a little uncomfortable about these questions. They are getting into a personal area and he's not sure if he should be disclosing this information without Nico's permission. He decides to keep it vague and end it shortly. "He was injured and something happened on their last mission. I'm not going into more details because I think Nico's the person you should be talking to. Are you waiting for him? He was here earlier and I can call him if you need him but I'm sure he'll be back soon."

Dani knows Xeno has said more than he wanted to, but she has one more question. "Do you know he's married?"

Xeno looks to the door wishing he would've never come inside. He looks back to her and remains quiet for a moment. He's thinking of the best way to approach this question because he knows where she's heading. "I do know about his wife but I'm not going into details nor answering any other questions about her. Not many people know about that and since he has trusted you with that knowledge, I'm sure he'd appreciate it if you kept it to yourself. It's a sensitive topic for him and not something he shares with people. I'm sorry but I really have to go now, is there anything else I can help you with before I leave?" "No, thanks for your time." She stands and gathers her coat and bag. She follows him out and decides to head home. She has a few appointments after lunch and needs to focus on something else.

Before they left, Nico said he'd call her later to talk. He could tell she was upset by the news and they were friends. He doesn't tell her much about himself but she knows more than most people. Over the past year, he's grown to respect, admire and trust her. Yes, he's married and over the past 8 years has never once even thought about being with another woman…. until he met Danielle Santino. She completely knocked him on his ass. She's beautiful, smart, sexy and compassionate. She challenges him like his wife did and reminds him of a different life that he misses every day. Over the past 8 years he hasn't let anyone get so close to him but Dani won't take no for an answer. It's been nice to talk to someone but he knows that after what happened with his wife, he'll never let anyone get that close again. After 8 years, he still doesn't trust himself.

Translation for the sentence is:

"Da qualcuno che ti ama oggi"

From someone who loves you today.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Nico boards the plane and heads for his usual window seat. Marshall is getting the plane ready and begins talking to the crew when another pilot boards. Nico knows Brian and has flown with him many times, but Nico's not sure why he is flying today. Usually, anytime Marshall's on the plane, he's the one flying it. Marshall finishes his instructions, hands over the flight plan and takes the seat across from Nico.

Nico has the box in his lap and is sitting there lost in thought. He was thinking back to the first time he met Natalia.

He was on his way to meet a friend for dinner when someone hit his car in the parking lot of the gym. There was a note under one of his wiper blades that read "Sorry I hit your car. I had the guy in the gym make an announcement but no one responded. Please call me and we can meet up later to discuss repairs. – Natalia" Her number was listed below. Nico heard a blurb over the intercom but his headphones were too loud to drown out all the noise. He was aggravated but surprised to see the note.

He waited a few minutes to calm down and dialed the number. The lady on the other end answered with a thick Italian accent. "Buon giorno, oh, Hello?"

Nico is surprised. He loves Italy and can speak Italian fluently, but decides to keep the conversation to English for now. "Hello, hi, my name is Nico and I found the note you left on my car after you hit it."

"Ah, mi dispiace., I'm sorry. I have problems with English on phone. May I meet you?"

"Yes, do you know the coffee shop on Third, at the corner?"

"Yes, Si. Yes."

"Ok, when can you meet?" Nico is looking at his watch and his car. His plans are over for the night.

"One hour"

"Ok, I will see you there." Nico hangs up and calls a tow service to move his car, and a cab to take him to his house to get his other car.

When he arrives at the coffee shop, there's about 15 minutes to spare and he decides he will need something strong to get him ready for this meeting. He gets in line behind a lady with long curly black hair. He glances at his watch and turns his body to where he can see the door. He wants to be able to see who enters. The lady in front of him moves up to place her order and Nico is surprised to hear her accent and then even more to hear that she is ordering her coffee exactly the way he does, all the way down to the cinnamon on top. He is speechless and even more taken aback by the fact that she was there before he arrived. Most people he deals with are usually barely on time, or late. He usually arrives at least 10 minutes early all the time because he doesn't like to keep other people waiting.

She moves to the side and notices him staring at her. When she turns toward him, he swears she is the most beautiful person he has ever seen. She gestures to him that it's his turn to order. The cashier waves him forward and recognizes Nico as a regular customer. She knows how Nico orders his drink and it dawns on her that she just put the exact same order in for the previous customer. He understands the look on the cashier's face and nods. He hands over the cash and takes his receipt.

He turns to the lady, "Are you Natalia?" She smiles "Si" Nico realizes this is someone he needs to get to know better.

Nico is staring out the window thinking about that day and how they spent the three hours talking but never once mentioned his car. To this day, he carries that note in his wallet.

Marshall sat across from Nico, fastened his seatbelt, folded his hands and placed them in his lap. Nico looked at him and realized what his friend was stating - he wasn't going anywhere. Marshall spoke first. "I will answer any and all questions you have after you answer the one I have already asked…. do you still love her?"

Nico turned his head. "Of course I do. I love her more than anyone. I think about her every day and wonder where she is and how she's doing, if she's ok, safe, happy, sad or whatever. I have dialed her number a thousand times but never hit send, written a million texts. I've even written her letters I've never sent. I love her more than anyone and anything, but I can't face her after what I did."

Marshall was quiet for a minute. "Have you ever talked about what happened with anyone? I've never asked you because I know what happened before and why you have nightmares. Hell, I have nightmares too, I'm sure we all do. I know you carry around a lot of guilt about the decisions we all made. It wasn't right and there is nothing anyone can do that will make that right, but you are letting the guilt destroy you! You have a serious medical condition and you had no way to control yourself. It wasn't a nightmare or a night terror. The way the doctor explained everything, it's a REM Sleep Behavior Disorder. You mentioned the involuntary movements before; and if the doctor had listened, they could have given you meds to prevent all of this. You were not in control of anything that night and you were not you at the time. She knows you were out of it and she doesn't blame you at all. You spent six weeks on the mental health ward and I made sure you had the best doctors and the right treatment and I never asked you one time about any of this. I figured you would bring it up when you are ready, but I need you to be able to handle this today. She is going to need you, it's bad."

Nico sat in his seat as the plane took off from the ground. After the plane seemed to level off he sat forward and looked out the window a minute. "Let's start with what happened this morning."

"I got a call from her boss. She was picking Alex up from her friend Derek's house and heading home. Alex stays with Derek or one of her other friends when she has to go out of town for work. Her car messed up so Derek gave her a ride. They were going through an intersection when a truck ran the light and hit them broad side. Derek was driving and his side took the hit. It was three in the morning so Alex was lying down in the back seat. The car flipped a couple of times before landing on its roof. Alex was able to crawl out of one of the back windows. There was a small fire and smoke was filling the car. Alex was able to pry the passenger side door open and pull his mom to safety and he went back for Derek. The car was on fire and smoke was filling the interior. Derek's legs were stuck and he was being burned, he was screaming for help. Alex was trying to pull the door open when the fire made it to the gas tank and the car exploded. It sent Alex flying backward about 15 feet where he skidded across the pavement. He took the force of the explosion from less than a foot way. You know from experience how bad that can be. About this time another car came to the scene and called for the police and an ambulance. There are two videos that were emailed to me; one is from the traffic camera at the intersection and the other a surveillance camera from the store on the corner. They both have different angles but show the scene. I don't recommend you see them, but I know you and I know you will need to."

Nico sat in shock and horror as tears filled his eyes. He is still processing the information that he has a son, and now that he may lose him. Nico has been that close to a car explosion and knows the full repercussions of a blast up close. If you survive the blast, the pain and the injuries can make you pray for death. It is a very long and painful recovery. Add to the problem that the child was trying to save a friend from burning to death, this really sucks. Nico still lives with the screams of his fallen comrades being burned alive in a Humvee in the desert. Those memories barely fade.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Nico leans forward and places his elbows on his knees and holds his head down. He wants to throw up again. Marshall sees his distress and gets him some water. As Marshall returns, he brings his iPad. He figures now is the best time, if any, for Nico to see the videos. That way he has time to process it before they land in a couple of hours. He hands the water to Nico and opens his email to the videos. Nico closes his eyes for a minute and clears the images from his past.

The first video is from the traffic camera. It shows the street and sidewalks. There is a Toyota Camry coming through the intersection at a constant speed. Nico guesses about 40 mph. Just as they clear the white line, a Ford F350 comes into view and rams into the side of the car. It flips over and over and lands on the roof. The truck keeps going until it runs into another parked car. The driver appears to be dazed or drunk when he stumbles out of the truck and out of view of the camera. Almost a minute passes when Nico sees movement from the back of the car. A boy with dark curly hair crawls out of a broken rear passenger window. His shirt gets caught on the glass so he pulls out of it. Nico can see blood on his back but can't see where it's coming from. The boy limps around to the passenger side and pulls and tugs until he pries the door open. A woman partially falls out of the car but she's not moving. The boy is pulling any and all parts he can reach to get her out of the car. Finally, he gets her most of the way out, stands behind her and wraps his arms around her chest from behind and pulls her as far as he can. He lays her down and puts his ear to her chest. She's not moving. He appears to be shaking her and talking to her. Suddenly, he stops and looks back to the car like he hears something. He looks back to her and then limps to the car. Nico can see smoke coming from the front of the car. The boy moves to the driver side. He's prying and pulling as hard as he can. Smoke is coming out the broken window and a hand reaches out to grab the boy's arm. The boy tries pulling the hand but it won't come. He kneels in to pull but nothing. He leans back out and turns around. He's screaming for help but no one's there. He stands back up and tries pulling again. Then a sudden explosion of fire sends the boy flying through the air. He lands on his back, flips a couple times and skids to a stop in the middle of the road. He's not moving. Nico can see headlights in the distance and hopes the car sees the boy before he's ran over. The car stops short of the body and a man and woman rush to the child. She kneels down while the man pulls out his cell phone. He sees the woman lying in the road on the other side of the burning car. He runs to her and checks for a heartbeat and breathing. He begins shaking the woman and she starts moving. Nico stops the video, he's seen too much. He quietly closed his eyes and cried for a while. Marshall leans forward and puts his hand on Nico shoulder. They sit that way for a few minutes. Neither can find words at this point.

After about half an hour later, Nico calms down but can't get the images out of his mind. He hasn't said a prayer since the last time he saw his wife but he felt he really needed to ask for help at this point. He grew up going to church with his grandparents and was taught to put his strength in the Lord, but since his life fell apart he hasn't had much faith in anything. Natalia was raised in the church and she would never let him get out of Sunday Mass. She helped him regain his spiritual discipline but when he left, he walked away from it all. He closes his eyes and pleads to the heavens for protection and healing for his family. He always prayed in Italian and Marshall could hear his friend whisper a prayer:

_"Signore, sguardo su di loro con gli occhi della misericordia, può il resto mano guarigione su di loro, possono i potere dando vita fluiscono in ogni cellula del loro corpo e nelle profondità delle loro anime, detergente, purificante, ripristinandoli alla integrità e forza. Amen." _

After a few minutes of silence, Nico gets up to go to the bathroom. He needs to wash his face and hands and gain his composure. Marshall doesn't say anything but moves to the front of the plane to check on the pilot and crew. As Nico returns to his seat he picks up the box and reaches down to re-read the letter.

_February 18, 2005_

_My Love,_

_I have tried to call you a hundred times but your phone goes to voicemail and our answering machine picks up at home. I'm sorry I was out of it for three days. One of the nurses said you stopped by but didn't stay long. The doctors say I have a concussion, some bruising, a broken arm and a few broken ribs. The physical pain is nothing compared to waking up to find Marshall holding my hand instead of you. Why won't you call or come back? I'm sorry if I made you mad about something. I know you have had bad dreams before, but never have you hit me during those. I'm not sure what scared me more, the things you did to me or the coldness in your eyes. I really hope you visit again soon. I'm feeling better now but I miss you._

_They gave me some great news. We are expecting our first child. I am about 7 weeks along and the doctor came in to listen to make sure everything's fine. He says the heartbeat is strong and everything appears to be well. They'll monitor all of this for the next few days. Can you believe it? We've been trying for what, almost two years now. I almost gave up hope. You will be an amazing father. You are my best friend and the only person I will ever love this much (actually, one of two people I will love this much) I really hope you come home soon. Marshall said he got you the best doctors to help with this and explained it that it was some type of flash back memory thing. This was not an accident, but it was also not your fault. I truly believe this. Please come home soon. I miss you and wish you were here to hold me tonight. You may not believe it but you are the only one to make me feel safe. It is nice to have Marshall here but I really need you. I will need your strength to get through this. We need you!_

_Love Always,_

_Natalia_

Reading the letter the second time around was hard but nothing compared to the initial shock. Nico thinks back to what happened that night eight years ago. He remembers going to bed and holding Natalia tight. He was listening to the rhythm of her breathing because it always soothed him to sleep. The scent of her shampoo was subtle and hair was always soft when she laid her head on his chest. The next thing he remembers is being grabbed from behind and pulled into the hallway of his house. There's yelling and screaming and he's thrown into the spare bedroom. Marshall is slapping him on the face yelling for him to wake up. When he finally comes to and Marshall is sure he's awake, he tells Nico to stay in the room and not to open the door. Marshall rushes back out of the room closing the door behind him. Nico looks down at his hands and sees blood. There are claw marks all over his chest and face and his knuckles are red and swollen. His hands hurt like he just punched something. He's on alert now and he forgets what Marshall said. He rushes out of the room and when he goes back into his bedroom he can hear Marshall on the phone telling someone to send and ambulance because a woman is severely injured. She's breathing but bleeding bad and he's afraid to move her. Marshall is kneeling over Natalia and telling her help is on the way and not to move. She's lying on the floor and Nico can see blood everywhere. There are a few holes in the wall and the lamp from her nightstand is shattered on the floor. Marshall turns to see Nico in the door way. He has a swollen lip and blood coming from his nose. He stands up and moves toward Nico and tells him to get back in the other room. Nico asks, "What happened in here?" Marshall is angry and yells, "You happened, you attacked her. Can't you see what you did? What the hell man! You did this. Get out!" Nico backs out of the room but never takes his eyes off of her. She looks at him with fear and pain. She's scared of him. He doesn't remember anything but he knows he did this. He can feel her pain and fear. What did he do?

Translation for the prayer:

Lord, look upon them with eyes of mercy, may your healing hand rest upon them, may your life giving powers flow into every cell of their bodies and into the depths of their souls, cleansing, purifying, restoring them to wholeness and strength. Amen.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Marshall returns to his seat and buckles his seat belt. He sees Nico lost in thought and nudged him with his foot. "Hey we are landing in a few. You gonna make it?" Nico looks out the window, "Where are we?"

Marshall glances out his window to see the clouds slowly disappear above them, "Denver. They moved here about a year ago when she took a job as an interpreter for a major law firm. She's been doing great and Alex has adjusted to the move. He didn't like it at first; but then, you never liked change either."

They wait quietly as the plane touches down and taxis to a private hangar. They are met by a few of Marshall's security team. Nico has worked with most of them before during away games. After they brief Marshall about some minor business issues, Marshall and Nico are on their way to the hospital. Nico is so exhausted that he dozes off in the car. The emotional roller coaster has drained him, so Marshall lets him sleep knowing it will probably be the only rest he gets tonight.

Since it was rush hour traffic, it took almost two hours to make the usual 45 minute drive. As Marshall pulls into the parking garage of the Swedish Medical Center his phone rings waking Nico from his nap. Marshall answers and tells the person on the other end that they are parking and will be inside in a few minutes. He listens for a few minutes as the person gives an update. Marshall hangs up and sighs heavily as Nico stretches and looks over to Marshall. "That was Jacob, Natalia's boss. He's inside waiting for us. She just came out of surgery, but she's not out of the woods just yet. She is still unconscious and has some minor swelling of her brain. They are not sure if there's any brain damage. She also has some minor injuries from the car accident. Although the airbags padded the impact but they're worried about internal injuries from the blast such as blast lung and other possible secondary injuries from being so close to the explosion. She has a few abrasions from flying debris, but those are not serious and have been treated. We'll know more in a little bit. The doctors are going to let us in but we can't stay long. Nico, this is the best trauma center in the area and they know what they're doing." Nico looks out the window to avoid eye contact, but his voice is shaking when he asks about his child. All Marshall was told was that he's still in surgery.

They enter the hospital and head toward the critical care unit. When they check in at the desk the nurse directs them to the room Natalia has been assigned. Jacob greets them from the hallway and tells them she's still unconscious. He cleared it with the duty nurse and they can visit for a few minutes. Marshall enters first and Nico stands by the door. He is frozen in fear and pain. He's afraid to get close enough in case she wakes up. He knows that in the first letter she was pleading for him to come home, but it's been eight years and she may not want to see him now. If she doesn't want him there, it could cause more stress than she needs right now. He knows she's still sedated from the surgery and probably won't wake up anytime soon, but maybe she will know he's there. She always knew where he was. She used to sneak up on him, and she moved so quietly that he never knew she was there until she was already behind him. It took a while for him to get used to her touch and his body to stop jumping when she surprise him. She always thought of it as a game. Nico stood back as he watched Marshall take her hand and gently squeeze it. He whispered something so softly that Nico couldn't hear over the beeping of the various machines. Nico took the time to look at her and admire her flawless beauty. She's still the most beautiful person he's ever met. Her long black curly hair and olive completion are the same, she has small wrinkles forming at the corners of her eyes and she's still wearing her wedding ring. His eyes settle on her ring and his heart drops. Her faith in him is so strong that she never took them off. He wears his with his dog tags everyday but he couldn't keep it on his finger because he didn't think he deserved it. After a few minutes a nurse enters the room to do her checks and notices the men. She says she will give them a few minutes but they will need to leave soon. Nico walks slowly to the bed and Marshall steps back. "Nico, I am going to wait outside to give you some time, talk to her, she needs you now."

As the door closes behind Marshall, Nico reaches out to hold her hand. He leans in to whisper in her ear. "Hey, it's me… Nico. I'm so sorry for everything. I love you and I have missed you every day. I'm sorry I never answered your calls or letters. I'm sorry I never came home. I'm just sorry." He laid his head on her shoulder and cried until the nurse opened the door again. She waited for him to compose himself and told him he could return in a few hours. He kissed his wife on the forehead and whispered a thank you as he walked out of the room.

Marshall and Jacob came over to him with a cup of coffee and told him they could either wait in the Trauma Waiting Room to hear about Alex or they could go get a bite to eat. The nurse said he's still in surgery and it may still take a couple of hours before they could see him. Nico needed to be alone for a while. It's nice that Marshall is there, but he needs some time to process all of this. He asks Marshall if he could go get something to eat but he's staying to wait for Alexander. Marshall understands the requests and turns to Jacob, "Where is the best place for pizza around here?" They turn and leave and Nico decides to take a walk. He can't sit still and he needs to process all of this.

About an hour later, Nico finally worked enough energy out to sit down. He looked around and saw a hospital directory posted on the wall. He looks down the list until he sees the area for the Trauma Unit. He makes his way to the waiting room of the Trauma Unit and finds the room empty. He sits down for the first time in a few hours and feels his cellphone in his pocket. He realizes this has to be the longest time in the past few years that he has gone without checking his phone. He pulls it out and notices he has six missed calls, three text messages and one voice mail from Xeno.

He decides to start with the voice mails since it was Xeno and probably work related. After entering his pin for the messages he hears Xeno's message

"Hey Boss, something's going on with Dr. Santino. She was in your office earlier waiting for you. She started asking some questions and ….Um…. I just told her to talk to you. She may call you later….. oh, and the topic is not work related. Just a warning….I also put the weekly report on your desk but I forgot the secondary team's info so I will have that to you this afternoon. Call if you have any questions, Xeno."

Nico looked at his watch and remembers the two hour time difference. It is almost ten. He told Dani he would call her later and knows he left her on edge. He looks back to his messages and sees he has text messages from her: "Just checking to see if you are alright-D" and "Are you ok?-D" He decided to send a message to see if she is still awake. Usually he would just call no matter the time but he is not in the mood to upset her again. "Hey, are you still awake? –N" he sends the message and is surprised when his phone started to ring about 30 seconds later. Her name flashes across his screen and he is happy to hear her voice. He could really use a friend right now and Marshall's not back yet.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

"Hey Nico, how are you? What happened? Where are you? What's going on?" she doesn't even give him a chance to respond. She pauses to take a breath and he interrupts her.

"Dr. Santino, calm down, breathe. It is good to hear a friendly voice right now. I will answer your questions but I need you calm down. Marshall and I are in Colorado. My wife and son were in a car accident and we're at the hospital."

"Oh God No! What happened, are they ok?" her voice is getting louder and she is talking faster.

"My wife is out of surgery and still unconscious but they are still working on our son. He's been in surgery for over 16 hours and I'm waiting on an update. I'm worried but there's no word yet. Damn! I'm such an idiot. I missed out on so much and now it may be too late." His voice is starting to crack.

"Hey Nico, YOU need to calm down. What do you need? How can I help? You are not okay right now and you're not supposed to be. Please, you can't fall apart now. They need you. How can I help you keep it together?"

"I don't know."

"Nico, talk to me, what's going on? Why have you never mentioned you're married? Let's start there. What happened?"

He sighed, "Dani, I screwed up. It was bad and I couldn't fix it. I almost killed her. I couldn't look at her after that. I didn't trust myself around her…. or anyone for that matter. I broke down and then I broke her. I couldn't go back."

"Ok…but you're better now. You don't seem broken to me. You were not broken last year when I met you. You're the strongest person I know. And you are NOT the person you were. Why is it that you never intended to open her letters? Do you still love her?"

"Dani you don't understand, I love her more than anything, but I nearly beat her to death while I was sleeping. I was supposed to protect her from bad things but I became the worst thing to ever happen to her. I couldn't face her after that. I snuck into her hospital room after it happened and when I saw the damage I had done, I knew I'd never be able to trust myself with her again."

"Nico, you do know that when you are asleep, you don't have control? You can't stop yourself in the middle of a dream. It was NOT your fault!"

He stands up and starts pacing the room, "I know that I couldn't control myself. That is the problem! I flipped out in my sleep and nearly killed my wife, now I find out she was 7 weeks pregnant at the time. I'm surprised either of them survived. You didn't see her. I couldn't trust myself at all. I broke Dani, mentally and emotionally. I was done. It took 6 weeks for me in a mental hospital to finally accept I had no control at the time, but I couldn't trust myself with anyone so I left. I couldn't face her. I couldn't open those letters and I couldn't let anyone close to me ever again!"

Dani was quiet for a moment. She knew anything she said at this time would not come out right. "So have you opened any more of the letters? Do you know what they're about?"

"No, they're in the car right now. I've only been able to read the first one. When Marshall gets back with the food, I may go out to get them. I'm going to be here for a while so I have time. I may not trust myself in my sleep but I can control myself when I'm awake and even if I have to live in a separate house, I'm not leaving them again."

This got Dani's attention. "Are you coming back to New York?" She knows this sounds selfish but she's come to rely on Nico more than she's willing to admit out loud. He's been there for her through so much that she can't seem to let him go. Yes, they're only friends and he's never shown any personal interest in her, but she still considers them close. He's been the closest thing to a best friend since Jeannette moved to Spain. It just dawned on her how much she'll miss him if he never comes back.

Nico is silent. He doesn't know how to answer that question. "I will be back there, but I don't know when or for how long. I do know that Alexander is going to have a long road ahead of him. From what I know about the accident, his injuries are going to be very slow to heal. I've been where he is now and I know from experience that he's going to need all the help and support he can get and I will help him with everything I have."

Dani understand and knows that if it were Ray jay or Lindsay, she would do the same. She knows that as much as she wants Nico in New York, he's needed with his family. The door opens as a doctor enters the room. Nico stands still, "Dani, I have to go, I'll call you tomorrow. Thanks for listening, Good night" and he ends the call.

The doctor walks over to Nico. His looks exhausted. "Are you here for Alexander Careless?" Nico's heart jumps to his throat. He can only nod his head. The doctor looks horrible. He gestures for Nico to sit down, but Nico can't move. "Sir, can we please sit? The child is in recovery but I need to talk to you." Nico lets out a breath and somehow makes it over to where the doctor sits down.

"We have stabilized him for now but we're not sure for how long. His injuries are extreme. He was standing too close when the car exploded and I'm not sure if you are aware, but most people don't usually survive the blast. This kid's a fighter, but he's in a very critical state right now. I can go over the whole list of his injuries, or give just a brief summary. Either way, he's resting now and when they get him settled in the Critical Care Unit, you may see him."

Nico takes a breath. "I have experience with this type of situation. What are his chances of making it? I'm not looking for a candy coated answer, please be blunt if needed."

"Sir, it doesn't look good right now. I can't give you a real number or even a percentage. From my experience treating this type of injury, there's not a high survival rate. If he makes it through the night, his chances are still not the best. He has a serious brain injury, his left lung collapsed, he has 8 broken bones and his spleen ruptured and other minor injuries. We're not sure the extent of the brain damage and we had to remove his spleen due to massive internal bleeding. We didn't notice any obvious trauma to his other internal organs, but that doesn't rule out further damage. He will be monitored through testing and we will keep you informed of any other developments."

A nurse poked her head into the room and nodded to the doctor, "he's ready." The doctor stood up, "My name is Dr. Kevin Ames, and I will be monitoring your son's case. If you need anything or have any questions, please ask me or one of my staff. Are you ready to see your son?" The doctor had no idea the weight of that question. Nico stood up, took a deep breath and followed the doctor through the door.

As they walked, Dr. Ames explained the procedure of entering and exiting the CCU. "You have to check in with the staff before you can go to the room. The nurse will ensure there is no testing going on or scheduled for the time you are there. You are only allowed to visit for 45 minutes per hour. Our staff does a 15 minute check each hour and family members are not allowed in the room unless I say so. This is the time we change bandages, catheters, bed sheets, give meds and update the charts. It's easier on the patient and my staff if the family members are not interrupting with questions during this time. If you have questions, there's a red button on the remote control of the bed, press the button and a staff member will come to you. Only family members are allowed in the CCU and no one under the age of 16. Also, no food or drinks are allowed."

They enter the CCU hallway and check in at the nurse's station. Nico gives his name to the nurse and she directs them to the third room. The room is dark and the bed is facing the door. The child looks so small in the middle of the bed. There are machines beeping on both sides. He has a catheter in each arm pumping fluids and blood into his little body. There are wires taped all over his head and chest. He's intubated and it appears a machine is breathing for him. Both of his legs and his left arm are splinted with air casts due to massive burns. Nico slowly walks over to the right side of the bed where there was a chair in the corner. The nurse pulled it closer to the bed when she saw Nico enter the room. She's checking one of the fluid pumps and feeding the iv line through the pump. Nico sits in the chair and just stares in wonder at the child. None of the staff have any idea that Nico has never met Alexander. Nico is afraid to touch him or even talk to him. Alexander wouldn't know who he is and it might scare him.

He looks over the room and his eyes settle back on the child. Tears begin silently falling and he doesn't even bother wiping them away. He notices the child has his mom's nose, her hair and the olive complexion and his dad's chin and ears. Nico reaches over and touches the boy's cheek with the back of his hand. It appears to be one of the few places that doesn't look bruised or blistered. The nurse is having trouble with the iv pump, the alarm keeps sounding to alert a problem. She checks the tube, the machine and the catheter. Then she notices the boy's arm is bent. She reaches to readjust his arm and asks Nico if he can hold his hand for a minute to see if that is the problem. Nico looks over to her and then back to the boy. She reaches over and places the boy's hand in Nico's. Nico looks down at the small fingers. The machine stops beeping and the nurse is satisfied that it was the problem. When she leaves the room, Nico is still holding his hand.

Nico sat holding his hand for the longest time without moving. He thinks to himself, how is it that he could love someone so much when he just met him? Just the simple fact that this child laying here is his son amazes him. Before he met Natalia, he was involved with Gabrielle. The day he found out she was pregnant and it was possible that the child was his, made his heart swell. She led him on for so many years, but one day their relationship changed. Gabrielle got pissed off at Nico and refused to allow him to see Juliette. She was angry that he wouldn't give her what she wanted and made the mistake of letting it slip that the child wasn't his. That was the last time Nico saw Gabrielle in person. He paid a private lab to run the test and the day the results came back, his heart broke.

He swore he would never allow another woman to have that much control over him, but when he met Natalia, she broke down that wall. Natalia is almost ten years younger than Nico. She made up her mind long before she met Nico that she was going to have children. It was the talk that led to their first real argument. She couldn't understand why someone as wonderful as Nico didn't want children. They argued for almost a week and almost ended their relationship until he finally broke down and told her the story of Juliette. She cried with him and helped him grieve the loss of his first child. Sure, Juliette was still alive and he was still a distant part of her life, but the emotions were real and Natalia helped him realize how much he lost.

They were married for almost a year when he changed his mind and decided he wanted to have a child with Natalia. He wanted a little girl that would look and act like her mother. He thinks back to the whole year they tried on their own. They were not successful on their own, but Nico never minded the hard work that went into it. He saw the disappointment in her eyes each month they were not successful and decided some help was needed. They met with a fertility specialist and for almost 8 months they tried different procedures. During this time, Nico had to come off of his PTSD medication and his nightmares started back. A few months later, his life as he knew it ended.

Nico is now thinking of how he missed so much. The positive test results, the having to wake up at odd hours to go get some crazy food for a craving, the ultrasound pictures, hearing the heartbeat, feeling the kicking, the day he was born, his first words, steps, holidays, birthdays, first day of school and the list goes on.

He looks over to the child again and leans in to whisper in his ear. "I'm not sure if you can hear me. My name is Nico, and I'm your dad. I know we've never met, and that is entirely my fault, but I'm going to fix that. It's what I do and I've gotten pretty good at my job. Your mom is recovery because you saved her life. You're brave, smart, and strong and so much like her. I know how much this hurts and I know the pain is extreme, but I need you to keep fighting. She is going to need you to get through this. You have been her rock for the past eight years and she needs you now more than ever. I need you. I am sorry I've never been there, but I promise I'm not going anywhere now. The one thing you should know about me is that I don't lie…ever. I will be here for you when you wake up and I will help you through every step of the way, but you have to fight for it."

A nurse enters the room and quietly asks Nico to give her some time to do her check. He stands up and carefully places the child's hand on the bed. He tells her he is going to check on his wife and get some food. He asks if she needs or wants anything while he is going. She stops and turns toward him surprised by the question. Usually, the family members complain about leaving and none have ever asked if she needed anything. She shakes her head no, smiles a little and thanks him for asking.

As he leaves the CCU, he pulls out his phone to call Marshall and noticed a few missed text messages. The only one he reads is from Xeno. "Hey boss, sorry to hear about your wife and son, call me if you need anything. I will take care of the Hawks until you return." Nico figures Marshall would make arrangements and is glad Xeno is left in charge. He knows Xeno would never tell his business and he can handle almost any situation,…except for Dr. Santino, she scares him.

He rubs his neck as he's walking down the hallway. Leaning over the bed cramped his neck and back. As he makes a small circle with his thumb across his neck, he feels the chain. He reaches into his shirt and pulls out his dog tags. Looped through the chain is his wedding band. He unlinks the chain and removes the ring, and replaces the chain around his neck and tucks the tags back into his shirt. Holding the ring, he feels the weight of his decisions. He is mad at himself. He knows there is nothing he can do to change the past, but he is going to fix his family. He slips the ring back on his finger as he walks toward the door to his wife's room.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Nico enters the room and Marshall and Jacob are there. "How's she doing?" Marshall is holding her hand and Jacob is on the phone telling someone directions of how to get to the hospital. Marshall looks over to Nico and stands up to move out of the way. "Still the same, just waiting for her to wake up and keeping an eye out for other problems." Nico takes her hand and kisses her on the forehead. "Hey Sweetheart, I'm right here. I need you to wake up soon. I was just over visiting with Alexander. He's beautiful and I am amazed at how much he looks like you. You're an amazing mom. He needs you to wake up to come see him. It's not looking too good over there right now and I promised I would stay with him, but I need you there with me, so please wake up soon. I love you and I really need to talk to you." A nurse enters the room to check her chart. All three men look at her expecting her to tell them to leave, but she just writes down a few notes and leaves.

Marshall taps on Nico's shoulder, "Hey, your food is over there and you need to eat something. I've been with you most of the day, and unless you got something from a vending machine, you haven't eaten anything and you know she'll kick your ass for not eating."

Nico has tears in his eyes as he turns to look at Marshall, "He may not make it through the night. She needs to see him but she isn't waking up. She needs to see him before…" Marshall reaches over and pulls Nico into a hug. Nico is sobbing into his friend's shoulder. He's beyond worried and scared. He's helpless in this situation and knows the only thing to do now is to wait and pray. Nico finally calms down and they both wipe their faces. Nico finally moves to leave. "I'm going to stay with Alexander. I don't want him to be alone." Nico walks back down the hallway to the elevators.

Jacob looks over at Marshall not knowing what to say or do. Marshall moves back to hold her hand. "He loves you, you have to know that and he also loves your son. I know he will be an amazing father and I know that Alex is strong, but right now, we all need you to wake up. Please don't let Nico go through all of this without you."

Marshall stands up and turns to Jacob. "I have a few things I need to do. Can you please stay with her? Let me give you Nico's number. If anything changes, call him first and then me. I am going to their house to pick up a few things and to check on their dog. I will be back in about an hour and a half. I really appreciate all that you have done for them. You're a great friend to her and she has always spoken highly of you. Do you need anything while I'm out?"

Jacob takes Marshall's spot. "No, I don't need anything other than for her to wake up. I may be her boss, but she's my friend as well. I care about both of them a lot and I don't want to lose either of them. Derek was one of her closest friends here and I can't be the one to tell her about him, so what do I do if she wakes up?"

"If she wakes up, call Nico. He will be enough of a distraction that she won't ask. When she does ask, he will tell her. He has seen one of the videos of the accident and he will know what to say."

As soon as Marshall enters the car, he transfers his phone's Bluetooth to the stereo system and calls for backup. The phone rings twice before a very sleepy voice answers the phone. "Dr. Santino, this is Marshall Pitman. I am sorry for calling so late…or early, but I really need your assistance."

"Mr. Pitman, did something happen? Are they ok? Where's Nico, what's going on?" Her voice is getting louder.

"Dr. Santino, please settle down. I guess you have spoken with Nico? That's why I'm calling. His son, Alex, is not doing so well. Actually according to Nico, he may not make it through the night. Do you think you could come here….. just in case?"

Without even thinking she's up. "Yes, I just need to know where and I need to make a few calls."

Marshall sighs, "Thank you. He considers you a friend and for Nico, that's as close as anyone gets. I will send a car to take you to the airport and I will pick you up when you arrive. Since its Wednesday now, can you plan to stay until Sunday evening? That should give them enough time to stabilize. I really appreciate this and will see you soon."

Dani hasn't spent much time with Marshall Pittman before this. All she really knows about him is from what Nico has told her. They served together in the Navy, something went bad on their last mission and Marshall saved his life. Marshall was also there when he really needed a friend, but that conversation stopped abruptly and Marshall gave him the job he has now and trusts him with the team. Nico has told a few stories about them getting into trouble because of their practical jokes, but he doesn't speak much about his personal life. She remembers asking Nico once if he had someone special in his life. The sadness in his eyes answered her question so she never brought it up again. Now she knows why.

She packs a bag, decides that since it's two in the morning, she will wait to call to cancel her appointments for the week and goes in to wake up her children. After explaining the situation to both of them, they agree to stay with their dad for the week. Half an hour later, Xeno knocks on the door to take her to the airport.

Xeno is trying to avoid eye contact with Dani the entire way to the airport in hopes that she won't ask any more personal questions about Nico. He just found out Nico had a son and how serious the situation is. Xeno has met Natalia a couple of times when he first started working for the Pittman Group years ago and she was always very polite to him. She's an amazing cook and would always make sure he was eating something healthy instead of the usual fast food garbage. She would cook for the entire security team. Xeno thinks back to how different Nico was then. He was happy and would joke with a few of the guys but he always knew when to keep things serious.

Xeno was never told what happened between Nico and Natalia, just that they were together one week and then Nico was reassigned to New York the next. Xeno moved to New York a few years later but by this time, Nico was the boss and things were different. He never smiles or jokes around and he rules with fear. Although no one has actually seen him hurt anyone, there are rumors he nearly beat someone to death with his bare hands but there were no witnesses and no one is brave enough to ask about it. Nico is respectful of other people's privacy and he does everything he can to keep the players' private lives out of the public. He works all the time and will pull all the late shifts for his team to rest. He shows incredible respect for everyone and demands it in return. The only person Xeno has ever seen Nico act different around is Dr. Santino. She is so much like Natalia that Xeno thought she could change Nico. Xeno also thought Nico and Natalia were divorced. Dr. Santino is amazing at her job and will go to all lengths to help people just like Nico. Xeno is more amazed by her than scared. She wants to save everyone, and that is good, but some people don't want to be saved. If Dr. Santino can fix Nico and Natalia, that would be a miracle.

Dani is so pre-occupied with her own thoughts; she barely says a word all the way to the airport. When they arrive at the airport, Xeno takes her bag from the car and pulls out a second bag. "Nico left in a rush this morning and didn't take any luggage. I brought his travel bag from his office. He usually keeps one there for emergencies. Can you see that he gets this?"

"Yes. Thanks for driving me. I will call TK later today to cancel our appointment. If you need anything, please call."

Nico checks in at the desk and the nurse allows him to go back. He walks over to the chair and slowly picks up the child's hand. He leans over to whisper, "Hey, I'm back now. I checked on your mom and she is still hanging in there. Hopefully, she will be awake soon and can come see you." Nico rests his head on the rail of the bed and after a few minutes of the steady beeping from the machines, he is asleep.

The same nurse comes in a little later to do her checks. She's about to ask Nico to leave but sees he is asleep and looks like he could use it. She tiptoes around the room to record the vitals and check the machines. After changing one of the fluid bags, she turns to leave and sees Nico staring at her. It scares the crap out of her. "Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you. How's he doing?" She catches her breath and looks at the child. "He is still hanging in there for now. We will need to check his back during the next check and that may upset him."

"What's wrong with his back?"

"When he slid across the pavement, he got serious road rash. We cleaned it out really well but we still need to monitor that for infection. When he's stabilized, we will move him to a different type of bed to help with the sores on his back. Right now we are more worried about the burns.

He has mostly second degree burns but there were a few areas that are third degree. The large bandages on his left arm, left leg and upper torso are covering skin grafts that were put into place during surgery. We will keep a close eye on the other areas on his legs and arms. The blackened areas of skin will soon be falling off leaving exposed areas of skin. The blisters are the most painful areas and may cause the most problems for him. The third degree burns are not painful because the nerve endings were destroyed, but the transition areas around those sites are very painful."

Nico remembers how painful it was when he went through it. To this day, he still wears long sleeved shirts and pants to cover the scars from his injuries. Only a few people have seen the damage of his past and those are only the physical scars. He spent months in a hospital alone, praying for death to take the pain away. The voices of his fallen comrades echoing thorough his thoughts were even worse. Tears of sympathy for his son's situation begin to fall. The nurse is about to leave when he whispers one last question. "Can he hear me?"

The nurse walks over to the side of the bed and looks down at the child. "I can't say for sure. He has a severe brain injury. This machine is monitoring his brain activity. The little squiggly lines mean something is going in inside there. He is not breathing on his own, but that does not mean he can't. The doctor chose to intubate him because he is unconscious and his lung injury. You may see his eyes flicker and a few involuntary movements of his hands. Those are all normal. I would encourage you to keep talking to him. A familiar voice will let him know he's not alone... At least he will know someone is here. I would want someone here if it were me." Nico reaches over to stoke his cheek again. "I'm here and I'm not leaving."

About twenty minutes later, Nico gets a text message from a number he doesn't recognize. "Nico, this is Jacob. Can you come back to Natalia's room? Someone is here demanding to see her, is that ok?" He stands up and stretches. He moves to leave as two nurses enter the child's room with a bandage cart. "I'm going to check on my wife again. I understand this may take a little bit so I will stay with her. If anything happens, the desk nurse has my number. Thank you for taking care of my son."

As he approaches the room, he sees Jacob standing in the hallway talking to a woman. She has her back to him, but her voice is very familiar. When Jacob looks up, he sees Nico coming and nods to him. She turns around and as soon as she recognizes him, she walks over and slaps him loudly across the face. He can tell she's been crying and his being there only adds to her frustration. She glares at him and whispers, "What the hell do you think you're doing here." Jacob stands there stunned and unable to react to the scene.

"Elizabeth, it's good to see you too. I'm here for my family." Nico's voice is calm and low.

"What, now you decide to show up? You walked out on her and refused to take any of her calls for 8 years. She has been through hell and most of it is your fault and you want to be here now? They've been fine without you. They haven't needed you before and they don't need you now! If just plan to visit and go back to your life, then please just leave now before she wakes up. You don't know how hard it's been on her. She still loves you more than anything and refuses to move on. If you are not here to stay, then get the hell out now!" She is pacing.

Nico watches her knowing she has every right to be this angry. She's Natalia's best friend and has known her since they were in college. She thought Nico was the best thing to ever happen to Natalia. She helped him pick out the ring, plan the proposal and was the maid of honor at their wedding. She was his friend too and used to call and check up on him when Natalia was out of town. He missed her as well when he left. She was like a sister to him and he felt like he let her down when all of this happened. He also never returned any of her calls or emails.

Jacob decided to give them some space so he went for coffee. She finally stopped pacing and stood right in front of him. She looked him up and down. "Why did you come back?"

"Marshall told me about the accident. He told me about Alexander…I had no idea that I had a son. If I would've known before, I would have come back then. I get a letter every month from Natalia, but I've never opened one of them. I knew that if I opened those letters, I would have come back. Same as answering your phone calls or emails, I was worried you could convince me to come back. I couldn't face her after what I did. I couldn't trust myself. If I came back and hurt her again or hurt you, I wouldn't have been able to live with that. I can't live with did. I have two friends, I live alone, I work 24-7 and I spend every day trying to make up for what I did. I fix things... situations. I protect people from themselves and try to prevent bad situations. I rarely sleep, hardly eat and I have no real life. I miss my life but I don't deserve it. I know I didn't intentionally hurt her, but if I can't control it, who's to say it won't happen again?"

Just as she was about to respond, an alarm starts sounding from Natalia's room. Nico and Elizabeth both rush in followed by two nurses. The nurses are checking the first machine when another alarm begins. They hear one nurse say, "her blood pressure is dropping" while the other is calling for a doctor, calling out a hospital code and directing them back out the door. She says they will have to wait outside. Marshall and Jacob are stepping off the elevator as Nico and Elizabeth are exiting the room. She is crying and Nico is holding her.

Jacob is the first to ask what happened. Nico responds, "I don't know, we were out here and the alarms started." They're staring at the door as two more doctors enter the room. Elizabeth has her head buried into Nico's chest cry over and over, "Please don't let her die." Almost three minutes pass and people begin rushing out of the room. Her bed is being pulled out and rushed to the elevator. Commands are being called out all at once. One nurse comes over to the group,  
"Mr. Careless, your wife has some internal bleeding that has caused a loss of blood pressure. She is bleeding into her abdomen and it needs to be corrected with surgery. We need your consent for the procedure."

"Is it safe? Will she live?" His voice is cracking.

"Sir, I can say there are risks with any surgical procedure, but if we don't stop the bleeding, she will die"

"Then yes, please do it. Please save her."


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

They all stood in the hallway stunned at the scene. Nico is holding Elizabeth as she is crying into his shirt. Marshall is pacing back and forth and Jacob is stunned to silence. After a few minutes Elizabeth calms down and steps away from Nico. She asks where the nearest restroom is to freshen up. Jacob walks with her down the hall. Marshall looks over to Nico. "How is Alex?"

"They were checking the wounds on his back when I left. I haven't heard anything since I left. I'm going to head back over soon."

"I'm going to come with you. I need to leave in about an hour to go get a few things, do you need anything?"

Nico looks down the hall as Elizabeth and Jacob are coming back. "Yes, I need to get the letters out of the car. I figured I would have time to read a few while I'm waiting."

Marshall heads over to Natalia's room, "I brought them inside when I brought in the food. You still haven't eaten? You really need to eat something."

"Marshall, thanks for the concern, but to be honest, I don't think I could hold anything down right now." He picks up the box of letters off the table and they turn to leave.

"Ok, I will get something fresh while I'm out."

They all walk down the hall toward the elevator that will take them to the CCU. As they pass the nurse's station, Nico stops to talk to the nurse on call. "We're here for Natalia Careless. She was just taken into surgery. We are going to head over to the CCU to check on my son, Alexander Careless. Here is my number; can you please call me when she comes back out?"

The nurse takes his number and makes a note in the chart.

When they come off the elevator, Nico leads them over to the CCU desk. "We're here for Alexander Careless, are they done with his check?"

"Not yet sir, but only two at a time are allowed back. Are you all family?"

Marshall speaks up, "Yes, and there's one more person on the way, my wife."

Nico turns to look at Marshall, but Marshall holds a finger up telling him to wait. The nurse asks for a list of names to add to the visitor's log. Marshall speaks up: "Nico Careless, Jacob Stevens, Elizabeth Rogers, Marshall Pittman and Danielle Santino, Doctor Danielle Santino, she kept her professional name when we were married." Nico almost cracked a smile at the thought of Marshall and Dani married.

As they all walked back to the waiting room, Nico finally lets a smile out at Marshall. "Does she know about that; and she's on her way?"

"Yes, I called her a couple of hours ago, and she's on her way now. She should be landing in about an hour. She has no idea we are married but I know the rules of the CCU only allow family members. We can always get divorced later." Jacob and Elizabeth completely missing the joke decide to settle into a chair.

Marshall walks over to Jacob. "Hey, when we are allowed to go back, I think you should go with Nico so you can see him first. You've been here for almost 24 hours. You need to go home and rest and take a shower. We really appreciate everything you've done for them, but you need to rest. We will call you as soon as Natalia is out of surgery." Jacob thought about arguing but he really was too tired to make a case.

They all sat quietly waiting when a nurse appeared in the doorway to signal they were done. Nico and Jacob stand up and walk toward her, but she stops them before they get to her. "I need to explain to all of you that when you see him, it looks really bad." Nico has seen the child so he knows what to expect, but he forgot the others haven't been there yet. "Do you have any questions before you go back?"

Nico clears his throat, "How is he?"

She looks over to all of them. "He's in a lot of pain. We have agitated the problem when we were cleaning his back. It was necessary to prevent infection and we are still monitoring for other problems. We have also changed the bandages on his skin grafts and will have to do that again later this morning. Some of the burned areas are starting to weep from the blisters. We also still have him connected to the ventilator to aid in his breathing. We'll try weaning him off the machine in a day or two if he doesn't present with any other complications." She moves to leave.

Elizabeth begins crying and Marshall moves over to hold her.

Nico and Jacob follow the nurse to the room. Jacob enters first and walks over to the bed. He carefully touches the child's right hand. "He looks so small…. And I've never seen him so still. He usually is so full of life. His smile shines all the way to his eyes. And he always has something funny to say. He's so smart it scares me. I've never met a genius in person before."

Nico is staring at Jacob, hanging on his every word. He realizes he knows absolutely nothing about the child. He looks down at the box of letters he's holding. Natalia probably wrote all about him in the letters.

Back in the waiting room, Elizabeth calms down and Marshall lets go of her. She wipes her face and looks up at him. "God I hope they make it through this. I have missed them so much since they moved here."

Marshall looks down and tries his best to offer some words of encouragement but he doesn't want to lie to her. "They're both strong. She's one of the strongest people I know and he's so much like her it's scary."

Elizabeth nods in agreement. "So who is Dr. Danielle Santino? And why does Nico think it's funny you two are married? Wait, you are married to….to… what's her name?"

"Her name is Gabrielle. She and I are separated but still legally married. Dr. Santino is my team's therapist. I hired her about a year ago to help with one of my players and she has proven to be an essential part of my team. Nico considers her a friend and I think he will need a friend like her if the worst happens. The joke about the marriage is because she is recently divorced. We've never met in person but Nico thinks she may not like me. No specific reason why but I haven't exactly made her job easy. She's an amazing person. She tries her best to help everyone and will do almost anything to gain her patient's trust. She's the first person since Natalia to challenge Nico. I have seen the way he talks to her and about her. Before she joined our team, Nico called all the shots and he made all the decisions about how to handle any situation. Now, he calls her to discuss most situations and find the best way to handle it. He trusts her…. and I trust him."

"So, Nico is friends with a therapist? Is she helping him with his problems?"

Marshall stands to stretch and look at his watch. He has to leave in about 15 minutes to meet Dani at the airport. "She is helping him, but he's not aware of it. She also has no idea about what happened. The way she's helping him, neither of them know what's happening. She argues with him, pushes him and challenges him. Before she came on staff, no one ever challenged his methods. She's very protective of her patients and those close to her. She considers Nico a close friend and if he is having a bad day, she makes him deal with it. I'm not sure how successful she is with that, but he has opened up to her about a few things. Other than Xeno, she knows more about him than anyone else in New York."

Elizabeth looks up at him, "Sounds a lot like Natalia."

"She is. Hey, if you need to talk to her, I'm sure she'll listen. Your best friend and god son are in serious condition. I'm sure you will need help too. Just ask. If you don't like her, I'll find someone else for you if you need it. I gotta go. When Nico and Jacob come out let him know I will be back soon. You need anything while I'm out?"

"Food and some good coffee; I will find a hotel after Natalia comes out of surgery."

Marshall nods and adds hotel rooms to his list of errands. He owns a house in Denver but it's not close to the hospital. As he walks toward the car, he pulls out his phone to check his messages.

Nico and Jacob are just sitting in the room quietly. Jacob finally looks over to Nico. He has been wondering all night what would make a man walk away from his family. This is the first time they have been alone together. He's a little afraid to ask but it kinda pisses him off that Nico has never been a part of Alex's life. "May I ask you a personal question?"

Nico has been anticipating the questions so instead of making Jacob ask; he figures he'll just tell him instead. "I had some really bad problems that stemmed from my time in the military. One night I went to sleep and woke up to a nightmare. I acted out one of my military ops in my sleep and nearly killed Natalia. I left for her protection. The last thing I ever said to her was when I kissed her good night before we went to sleep that night. Until yesterday morning, I didn't know anything about Alexander."

Jacob didn't know how to respond to that. Then it dawns on him that Nico doesn't know anything about the child. "Is there anything specific you want to know about him?"

Nico looks over at him surprised by the question. He wants to know everything but doesn't know where to start. So how about the beginning, "Do you know his birthday?"

"Yeah, it's June 24th, 2005. I can't believe he's only seven because he's so smart. Last year, Natalia was having problems enrolling him in school because the elementary school said he was too smart to go there. They made her have him evaluated and he tested off the charts. His IQ was something like 143. She says he gets that from you."

Nico was shocked by the statement. He looks over to ask another question and see Jacob yawn. He remembers the man hasn't slept in more than 24 hours and needs a break. "Hey, you need to go get some rest. We can talk more later; but you need a break."

Jacob stands to leave and leans over to talk to Alex, "Hey kiddo, hang in there and I'll be back soon."

Marshall pulls up to the hangar and waits for the plane to finish the taxi into the hangar. When the engine to the plane starts to whine down, he exits the car and waits for the door to open. He enters the plane and speaks with the crew and unloads the luggage. Dr. Santino is still sleeping when he is done loading the car. He taps her on the shoulder and whispers, "Good Morning." She slowly opens her eyes and tries to stretch the kink out of her neck.

"Hey, how is everyone?"

He smiles, she always asks about others first. "Nico's at the hospital, Alex is in the critical care unit and Natalia is back in surgery, come on, we need to get going."


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

As they are heading back into town, Marshall glances over at Dani. He has never met her other than interrupting her meeting with Nico yesterday. He has seen her in passing at the stadium and maybe offered a "Good Morning" but never actually talked to her other than the phone call a few hours ago. Nico talks about her a lot and Marshall can tell she is the type of person to go out of her way to help someone. It's not a quality that many people have.

"Dr. Santino, I need to bring you up to speed on the situation." She thinks to herself how much that sounds like something Nico would say, but she doesn't interrupt.

"Yesterday morning, Nico's wife and child were involved in a car accident. One other person was in the car but he didn't make it. The car was hit broad side and flipped over a couple of times. Alex, Nico's son, was able to climb out the back window and pull his mom, Natalia, from the car. When he went back for their friend, Derek, the car exploded. Derek was trapped inside and Alex was only about a foot away."

Dani gasped for air. "Oh my God, is he going to make it? How is Natalia, …. Nico?... Wait, are you ok?" He pulled the car into the nearest parking lot to calm her down. He turns in the seat to face her and reaches for one of her hands. "Hey, as of right this moment, they are alive. Alex's injuries are the worst I've ever heard. The doctors are not sure he's going to make it, and if he does, they don't know the extent of his brain injuries. Are you going to be ok to help if needed? I don't mean to cause you more stress but I also don't need to add to the problem."

She takes a few breaths and calms herself down. "Yes, I will be ok. Thanks for telling me before we got there. I just need to process this. How is Natalia?"

"She was stable earlier, but before I left the hospital, she began having some issues. She has some internal bleeding and was taken back into surgery. She has some swelling in her brain and has been unconscious since she arrived."

Dani nodded in understanding, but didn't say anything for a minute. "What about the other driver?" Marshall is completely taken aback. He hasn't even thought about the other driver or the people who arrived on the scene and called for an ambulance. He pulls out his phone and sends a text message to someone. "I'm not sure but I'll find out."

Dani takes a few breaths and looks over at the man beside her. She has seen him in passing before and on Sports Center giving interviews. He usually has a very powerful demeanor, but not today, he looks worn out. He is calm, friendly and she can see a different side of him that she's sure he doesn't show much. She can see why Nico is friends with him now. Not many people would try to force Nico into doing something he didn't want to. Actually, not many people could; but Marshall made him read that letter and made him face his past. This is just the kind of friend Nico needs.

She takes a deep breath and squeezes his hand. "How are you doing?"

He looks over at her for a minute and then looks away. His voice cracks, "I'm scared. She…They are like my family. I see them all the time and I have a really good relationship with both of them. She's like my sister and he's my nephew." Dani reaches releases his hand, places it on Marshall's shoulder as tears slide down his cheek.

"Nico is going to be pissed when he finds out how much I talk to them but I couldn't just walk away like he did. I understand why he did it, but I'm not sure he'll understand why I couldn't. Did he tell you what happened?" He wipes his face and looks at her.

"He told me he almost killed her in his sleep. I tried telling him that he had no control over that but he feels guilty about it."

"So for the whole story, Nico and I served in the Seals together. We had a lot of messed up missions. I can't go into detail, but we both came back pretty screwed up. We both have PTSD and nightmares. He met Natalia a few months after he got out of the Navy. He got treatment for the PTSD but had to come off his meds when they were trying to have a baby. His nightmares started so he tried to avoid sleeping. The doctors explained afterward that because of the sleep deprivation, he developed a REM Behavior Sleep Disorder."

Marshall is getting restless in the car. "There is a café a few blocks from here. Can we continue this there? We need to get some food for the others."

Dani nods her head and looks out the window. She now knows why Nico was so upset. Patients with this type of disorder have a hard time accepting the fact that they have no control in their sleep. Unfortunately, things like this happen where they seriously injure themselves, or worse, a loved one.

As they pull into the parking lot, Marshall walks around to open Dani's door for her. She's surprised but doesn't say anything. He helps her out of the car and offers her his jacket because she probably didn't realize the temperature was cooler in the Rockies. She's stunned into silence. As they enter the café, Marshall directs her to a corner booth.

He looks over a menu and waits for the waitress to bring them some coffee. Dani sits across the table waiting on him because she really doesn't know what to say at this point. Marshall places his order for pastries to go and asks Dani what she would like. "Coffee is fine. I'm not a big breakfast person."

"So to continue, Natalia really wanted children. I'm not sure why, but Nico was really against having any until she gave him a choice to leave. They tried for a year before they went to see a specialist. During that time, the doctor said the meds could be adding to the problem and recommended Nico think about it. He was off his meds for almost three months before the nightmares started.

I got a call in the middle of the night. Natalia was screaming and I could hear stuff breaking in the back ground. She dropped the phone. I rushed over to their house as fast as I could. I could hear the whole thing over the phone and it took me about 20 minutes to get there. I couldn't hang up the phone to call the police. I didn't want to lose her call. I heard him hitting her, furniture breaking, her trying to get away. He was speaking Arabic but I couldn't make out the words. By the time I got there, she was unconscious. She was a mess and he was about to stab her. I attacked him to get him away from her. We fought for a minute and I finally got him out of the room. It took me a few minutes to get him awake. I called for an ambulance and he followed me back into the room. He looked around like he just got home from work and walked in on the scene. I was pissed. I almost went after him to do the same thing to him that he did to her until she started coming around. The look of fear on her face stopped both of us in our tracks. The police came and arrested him and an ambulance took her to the hospital."

Dani sat there with tears streaming down her face. She could see the horrifying scene taking place and knowing how guilty Nico already felt made it so real.

"I stayed with her until she woke up. I was there when the doctor told her about the baby. She asked me not to tell Nico. It wasn't my place. She tried calling him for weeks. I got him a lawyer and called his doctor. The doctor had him transferred from the jail to the hospital where he spent a couple of months trying to process it. When he was released, I begged him to go see her. I told him she needed him. She started writing letters to him. She would send both of us a letter every month. I know he never opened them, but I would tell him at least once a month to call her. As far as I knew he never did. She asked me to keep an eye on him so I moved him to New York. She's always had his number and address, but she's never pressed him to come home. She said he would come when he was ready. I asked him once why he never called, his reply was that it hurts too much to think about her. Every year he sends her divorce papers so she can move on with her life, but she refuses to sign them. She says she will sign them if he asks her in person, but until he stands in front of her and looks her in the eye, she's not going to sign them. She also wanted to be the one to tell him about their son. She wrote about him in every letter. That is why I made him read the letter instead of just telling him."

The food is brought out and they move to the counter to pay. "I know he is still on meds for the PTSD and his sleep pattern is better than it used to be, but he is still scared that he will have an episode and hurt someone." As they are leaving the café, Marshall notices a small jewelry store next door. He tells Dani to go on to the car; he just needs to check on something.

He finally gets back in the car and they quietly make their way to the hospital. Dani is trying to process all of this. As they pull into the parking garage of the hospital, Marshall looks at Dani with a grin. "So there is one more thing I need to tell you." He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a ring box. "I had to tell the people in the CCU that you are my wife. Only family members are allowed in there so I told them we were married." She looks at him completely shocked and speechless. "Wait, you did what? You couldn't just say I was her sister or something else?"

"Umm, I just blurted it out. I wasn't thinking. I'm sorry, if this is a problem and we can always get divorced later but it just came out."

She glares at him trying to make a decision. This is not about them and she can handle this. She reaches for the box. When she opens it, she's breathless at how beautiful the set is. She looks at him. "I can't wear this! Marshall, this is…."

"Hey, I'm sorry if it doesn't meet your standards but I needed to use something."

She pulls it out to try it on, and is surprised that it fits. "How did you know my size?"

"I just guessed. I'm really sorry if this is not ok, but I didn't want there to be a problem getting you in there, but Dr. Santino, we all need you"

"First of all, this is not ok, but I will deal with it later. And second, as long as we are inside the hospital, you will need to call me Dani"

He sighs in relief as they exit the car.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Jacob had left about an hour ago and Elizabeth and Nico were in with Alex. Elizabeth was hit hard when she saw him and it took a while for Nico to finally calm her down. She hadn't said a word the whole time, just sat holding his hand and praying under her breath. A nurse brought in another chair for Nico and he sat quietly watching them both. He wasn't really sure what to say to her. He knew she had to be mad at him for leaving but she hasn't really spoken to him at all. Finally, the nurse from before came in to do the check. They both stood to leave but she motioned them to sit back down. "I'm only recording his vitals and checking the fluid bags; no need for you to leave just yet. How's he doing?"

Elizabeth looked over at her. "Nothing's changed since we've been in here"

The nurse pushed a few buttons on the machine and glanced at Elizabeth, "That's good to hear."

"What do you mean good? He's still the same; he's not getting any better."

The nurse stopped and turned to her. "Ma'am I know it's hard to be here like this, but really at this point, no change is a good thing. He's not getting worse…. He's holding on."

She turns to leave and looks back at them, "This kid is stronger than a lot of other patients I've seen and he's going to be here for a while. My name is Karen and I usually work nights. I will be leaving in a few minutes and the day shift nurse will be in for the next check. She will need to check his bandages so you will have to step out for the next check. I come back on at 9 tonight. I really hope to see you then. Hang in there for him, he'll need you."

As she leaves, Elizabeth has fresh tears streaming down her face. Nico walks over and hugs her from behind and whispers in her ear, "He's going to make it and don't even think otherwise. So is Natalia." She wipes the tears from her eyes. "I know he's strong, he's been fighting his whole life. It's just tough to see him like this again."

Nico kneels down beside her. "What do you mean again?"

She looks him in the eye and sees the fear and pain. "He was born really pre-mature. She almost lost him but he fought hard to survive. He was about 3 months early. He hasn't really had the easiest life. Natalia has been through hell and you not being there, made it worse. If it weren't for me and Marshall, she would've had it worse. I'm really pissed that you never came back. Marshall explained everything; and he gives her updates about you all the time, but it's not the same. Listen, we need to talk about all of this, but it's really not the time or place."

She's really tired and tries unsuccessfully to hold back a yawn. He holds on to her as she places her head down on the bed. She's so exhausted, physically and emotionally. He rubs her back and she starts to relax. She begins to doze off and he walks back to sit in his chair. He's silently praying everything he said was true because he can't lose them again. He reaches over and picks up the box of letters.

He looks at the post marks on all the letters. He notices the first ten or so letters came about two to three weeks apart. He thinks back to what the first letter said about her being about 7 weeks along. That was in February so he does the math in his head,… Christmas. He's a little distracted by the memory of their Christmas vacation together. She planned a long weekend away and wanted to learn how to ski. They rented all the gear and planned for a few days in the mountains, but never actually left their room. He had to physically shake his head to clear the memory of them together in the hot tub. Ok, so back to the math. Jacob said his birthday was June, 24th. That puts her at about 26-27 weeks when she gave birth. He is shocked. He looks at the child. "Damn, he is a fighter!"

He flips through the box looking for the letter that was mailed at the end of June.

_June 26, 2005_

_Hey Sweetheart, _

_ I have some news from you. It's good and bad. A couple of nights ago, I began having some cramps and couldn't get comfortable. The pain started getting worse so I went to the hospital. While in the waiting room waiting to be seen, my water broke and I went into labor. The doctors couldn't do anything to stop it, so I delivered the baby. He is beautiful. I was almost 27 weeks along and he is in the neonatal intensive care unit. They call it the NICU for short. I have decided to name him after your Grandfather. I remember our longs talks and you telling me how much he changed your life. His name is Alexander Valente Niccolo Careles, II._

_He is so tiny. He was born on June 24__th__ at 9:34 pm, weighed 2 lbs. 2 oz. and was 11 inches long. The doctors say he has a good chance to make it, but I'm so scared though. He has machines hooked all to him and he has one tube that helps him breath and one to help him get formula. His skin is so thin that I can see he veins and he hasn't opened his eyes. I can't hold him and I'm really afraid to even touch him. _

_I see the other babies in here and can hear some of the nurses whisper about their condition and I pray Alexander doesn't have those problems. The doctors explained that he may have hearing or seeing problems and may even have some mental development problems. He should have had more time to develop in the womb. I really hope there is nothing I did to cause this. I'm not sure what went wrong. I really wish you were here to see him._

_He is going to make it because he's strong like you. He has your nose, your chin and even has a little bit of black hair. The doctors say he will be here for a while. I miss you and I really wish you were here to hold me. Here is a picture for you. I'm sorry it's not really good, but the tubes and all are in the way. I will try to get a better one soon. _

_Lizzy and Marshall are here with me. Marshall keeps wanting to call you and if you're reading this, please don't get mad at him. I did call and leave you a voicemail but it only said to please call me and I love you. I will leave you that same message every time I call you. I want to be the one to tell you about Alex. I want you to be able to look at me again and know I love you with everything inside of me. You promised to love me forever and I will hold you to that._

_Lizzy is going to stay with me here at the hospital for a couple of days and Marshall is going to fix up the nursery. I know we planned to do that together but it can't wait any longer. We are going to change your home office into the nursery and keep the spare room the same. Lizzy is probably going to move in with us until you come home. She and David broke off their engagement because he cheated on her. I know you never liked him anyway. She needs to feel wanted and I am going to need help, so it works out to both of our advantages. _

_I plan to write to you every week to give you an update on how he's doing until he comes home. After that, I will probably only write once every month. That way you will get a full update and I hope this doesn't bother you. I am not even sure you are reading these letters, but I will keep sending them. _

_Love Always, _

_Natalia_

Nico looks up from the paper with tears in his eyes. She must have been so scared. He's sitting in a room with the same child and the same news; and he is terrified. Alexander may not make it and if he does, he will be here for a while and may have brain damage. Then looks at the woman sleeping beside his son, and realizes she's an amazing friend to have been there all this time.

A buzz from his pocket signals a text message from Marshall: "Dr D. and I are in the waiting room. Any update on Natalia?"-M

He stands up slowly and quietly leaves the room. He walks out to the waiting room. Dani sees him and stands up to rush over to him. "Nico, Are you ok?"

He quietly pulls her into a hug and just holds her there for a minute. Marshall sees all of this but doesn't make a comment. The only women Nico has held like that were Natalia, and Lizzy earlier outside Natalia's room.

Dani pulls back from him and looks him in the eye. "Hey. Talk to me, are you ok?"

"No, not even close."


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Marshall decides to go check on Alex and give Dani and Nico some time to talk. " ….Um Dani, please make sure Nico eats something while I go check on Alex and Lizzy. He hasn't had anything since we left you yesterday." Nico gives him a look but doesn't protest since his stomach has been growling for the past hour.

As Marshall walks off, Dani leads Nico over to the pile of stuff they brought in. "Who is Lizzy?"

"Oh, she's Natalia's best friend and Alexander's God Mother, they've been friends since college and she has been helping with Alexander since his birth… I'm really glad she's been there."

"How is she doing?"

"She's scared, hurt and angry at me. She and I were close before and I never returned her calls either. She has every right to be mad." The takes a bite of a pastry and it's really not what he was wanting, but it will do for now.

Dani sits in a chair across from Nico and hands him a cup of coffee. She is letting him talk because before this, she only knew a few things about this man. Now, she's been pulled into his world and his family. She cares about him and really wants him to find happiness and peace with his past. She believes he's an amazing person and will be an awesome father. He just needs to heal first.

He looks at her wondering when she will say something. Usually by now she has asked a million questions and pushed him to talk about things he didn't want to. Right now his emotions are so raw. He is trying to hold it all together, but he feels like he is going to explode any moment. He sets the pastry down and looks down at his hands and barely whispers, "Dani, I need help."

She almost choked on her coffee. She was hoping and praying that somehow she would be able to find a way to get him to open up, but she never expected it to be so easy, or for him to freely ask for it. She is overwhelmed that he trusts her to open up like this. "Ok….I'm here."

He looks up with tears in his eyes. "I can't lose them again. I need to be able to trust myself with them. I just can't….." He breaks down. Dani goes over and pulls him into a hug. The chairs are in the way, so they slide to the floor and he is holding on to her for dear life. She knows a professional would keep boundaries, but she would do this for any of her patients…. or friends. She holds on to him and tries to whisper words of encouragement, but she really doesn't know what to say other than she would be here as long as he needs her.

After about five minutes, he slowly sits up and wipes his face. He stands up and pulls her to her feet. He gives her one more hug and whispers, "thank you." She nods her head and looks at her watch. "Has there been any news on Natalia?" Nico shakes his head no. "We can walk over to the Trauma Unit to check in with the nurse." She knows he needs time to sort out everything and find a place to start. He is not the type of person to be lead through therapy. He will open up at his own pace. If she starts asking questions, he may back out if he's not ready. "Sure, let's go."

He sends a text to Marshall and they head toward the elevators.

Marshall checks in at the CCU Desk and shows his id. The nurse on call tells him they are in the middle of shift change and the new nurse will be in shortly to do her check. He nods quietly to her as he walks toward Alex's room. When he opens the door, he freezes in his tracks. He stands there frozen for about ten minutes. He feels like someone sucked all the air out of the room. The child looks horrible, but he would never actually say that out loud. There are bandages covering most of his body. Both of his legs and his left arm appear broken and he has severe burns on the exposed areas and black scorched skin in some areas. His face looks good but he does have a few burns and blisters on his forehead and his eyebrows are gone. There are tubes protruding from his mouth and nose, wires hooked to his chest and head and IV lines in both arms.

He has a quick flashback to seeing Nico in the hospital after their Humvee exploded on their last mission. Nico was trying to pry open a door to free their fellow comrades and the whole thing exploded. They later learned there was a bomb under the road that was remotely detonated. Nico had a lot of the same injuries and it took him almost a year to recover. He still has burn scars that cover most of his arms and chest.

Marshall finally moves into the room and takes Nico's chair. He looks over at Lizzy. She's sleeping soundly and holding the child's hand. Suddenly, one of the machines begins to beep. She jumps up and so does Marshall. They both stand there wanting to do something but neither have any idea of what's going on. Two nurses enter the room. One tells them to leave while the other rushed to the machine causing the alarm. Neither can move so she gently grabs them by their shirts and tells them to go back to the waiting room. Someone will be with them as soon as they can.

They quietly walk to the waiting room. Neither can talk. They just stand there holding each other staring at the door that they just came from. She begins to shake. Marshall looks at her and sees she is sobbing. He pulls her in to hold her and his tears start to fall as well. He finally whispers into her ear. "Do you know how to pray?" She shakes her head yes into his shoulder. "Can you pray for him? I have only been to church a few times with Natalia and Alex, but I don't know the prayers. I've heard Nico pray, but I don't know what to say or even if God would hear me."

She pulls back from his embrace to look him in the eye. She sees the fear in his eyes. "I go to a church where anyone can talk to God, all you have to do is close your eyes and speak from your heart. I really believe God hears everyone's prayers and answers them according to His will. He always answers, but you have to understand that sometimes, the answer is no. I will pray for both of them."

She holds both of his hand and closes her eyes. He mimics her stance and closes his eyes. "Dear Heavenly Father, We come to you with humble hearts and ask for healing and protection for our loved ones Alex and Natalia. Please be with them and the doctors that are working on them. Guide their hands and give them the knowledge and strength to help our friends. We also ask that you pour out your strength in to their bodies and heal them fully. We pray for your mercy and favor. In all things we ask in Jesus' Name, Amen."

They stand there silently with their eyes closed for a few moments. The door opens and Nico and Dani enter the room. Nico can tell something is going on, "What happened?"

Marshall lets go of one of Lizzy's hands, "We don't know. One of the alarms went off in the room and we were told to leave. Someone should be coming out soon to tell us what's going on. "

"We went down to the Trauma Unit to see if there was any word on Natalia. She's still in surgery. The nurse is going to check on her progress and come here to let us know what's going on."

Elizabeth really can't take much more of this. Marshall guides her over to sit down in a chair. He looks to Dani for help. "This is Dr. Santino. I was telling you about her earlier." Dani walks over and sits next to her. She reaches out to offer her hand. Elizabeth takes her head and nods her greeting. She is on the verge of breaking down again. Dani just holds her hand and sits quietly with her.

Marshall walks across the room and takes a seat. He leans forward and places his elbows on his knees and hangs his head. Nico is at a loss for what to do. He can't sit still, but he can't leave. He paces the room and finally a nurse comes back in.

"Nico Careless?"

Nico freezes, "Yes ma'am." The others move to stand behind him.

"Your son is being taken back to surgery. He appears to have a bowel perforation. Dr. Ames has been called back in and will be here shortly. He is one of our best surgeons and has experience with this type of injury. I am not sure how long this will take, but we will keep you updated."


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

Nico stands there not knowing what to say or do. He looks at the others, but they don't know what to do either. Elizabeth and Marshall are holding on to each other and Dani moves to step toward Nico. He can't really stand here anymore. "I need some air." He walks out of the room and down the hall. He's not really paying attention to where he's going, just walking. Dani moves to go after him, but Marshall stops her. "Wait, he needs to clear his head. He'll come back, just give him time and space."

He walks out of the hospital and just continues to move forward. It's chilly but not too bad in the sun. He walks past a bookstore/coffee shop and decides to stop for a cup on his way. He has no idea where he's going but he can't just sit there waiting for the worse. He needs to move around and get his energy out. He has a workout routine that he usually keeps no matter what his schedule is. It helps keep him sane and allows him to release his stress. Right now he's so hyped up, he can't sit still.

As he leaves the coffee chop and turns the corner, he sees a green patch of land about a block away. It looks like a park or something. He notices a baseball field and a sign that reads Miller Field. He makes his way to an area of trees in the corner and sits down to finish his coffee. He can't think straight right now. How could all this be happening? He has made himself his own prison for the past 8 years. He knows all of it was self-imposed, but he felt he deserved it.

The things he did in the Navy were not even close to being ok. He did as he was told and never thought twice about it….until he got home. He went into villages looking for the enemy. It didn't matter if they were men, women or children. They were all a threat. He knew if he didn't kill them, they would kill him or one of his buddies. When you live in that environment for so long, it becomes second nature to pull the trigger and move on. You have to block it out, or you would lose your mind. But when you come home to a quiet house, in a quiet neighborhood with friendly neighbors, it's hard to readjust. First the nightmares begin. Then, the constant feeling that something bad is going to happen. If a car alarm goes off or a car backfires, it sends a jolt through your body to get low and scan for threats.

Nico realized early on that he couldn't live this way, so despite the stigma that 'therapy is for the weak', he sought counseling. The therapist suggested a late afternoon cardio workout to help with the sleep issues. If his body could release the tension, and he could clear his mind, it may help his sleep. That's why he was at the gym that day she hit his car. That was the best thing to happen to him so far. Was everything after just payback... karma catching up to him?

Dani stood in the room wondering what to do now. She knew she was there to help, but at the moment, she felt like she was crashing a party. She doesn't know much about Marshall and only met Elizabeth a few minutes ago. She's trained to help in this type of situation, but right now her heart is breaking for all of them. Marshall seems closer to Nico's family than his own. She knows Marshall was married and has a daughter, but he she has never seen either. Nico has mentioned Juliette before but only to ask advice about helping her. She can only imagine how Elizabeth feels. According to Nico, she has been there for them since Alexander was born. This is her family. When you help raise a child, even if it's not your own, it hurts when anything bad happens to the child. If it were Lindsay or Ray Jay in this situation, she wouldn't be able to function.

Just as she's about to take a seat, a man enters the room and walks over to Marshall. "Morning, how are they doing? Any news yet?"

Marshall looks up at him. "Natalia's still in surgery and Alex was just taken back in. Something happened and they need to fix it. Sorry I didn't call but it just happened about 20 minutes ago."

Dani watches as the man beings to pace. Marshall guides him over to sit down and nods for Dani to come over. "This is Dr. Danielle Santino. She is a licensed therapist and here if you need her. Dani, this is Jacob, Natalia's boss and friend." She sits beside him and he looks over at her. "I'm not sure of how much more of this I can take." She nods an understanding. She extends her hand and he takes it. He looks over at Elizabeth, and she walks over and sits on Dani's other side and takes her other hand. They sit there quietly waiting and silently crying. She doesn't need to say anything at this point. Marshall looks at her and mouths a thank you. She nods at him grateful that she can do something. After a few minutes of sitting quietly, Jacob looks over at Dani, "So you're Marshall's wife?"

Elizabeth snorts a laugh as Dani tries to suppress hers with a cough. Marshall walks over to him with a smile as well. "No actually, she works for me, but I told the nurse she's my wife so they don't question her being her. She really is a therapist and a damn good at that." He winks at her. She's surprised by the compliment. "Yes I am a therapist but not married to Marshall. I know this is hard and I am here if you need anything."

A few minutes later, a doctor enters the room. "Mr. Nico Careless?"

Marshall speaks up, "He just stepped out. I can call him back."

"Yes, please do. I have news about his wife."

Marshall pulls out his phone and dials Nico. He picks up on the second ring. "Hey the doc has an update. Are you close?" Nico looks around, "Yes, I'll be there in ten minutes."


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Nico walks in to the waiting room with the others. They are sitting quietly with the doctor waiting on him. The doctor had just returned with a bottle of water for Elizabeth, turns to face Nico. "Mr. Careless?"

Nico walks over to all of them. "Yes."

"My name is Dr. Lyons. I am one of the surgeons that assisted in your wife's procedure. Sir, can we talk privately for a few minutes to discuss your wife's condition?"

Everyone stands to protest but Nico raises his hand. "Doctor, is it something you can tell all of us? We are all her family."

The doctor looks between each of them and nods. "I understand this is a stressful time for all of you. This is a hard situation and to know she has such wonderful people with her is comforting. I was also told that your child was involved in the accident and was just taken back into surgery. Dr. Ames is the best surgeon I have worked with and he was preparing for surgery before I came out. I wish I had better news for both of them. I've never personally been in this situation but I would like offer any support I can, to help you through this. "

Nico nods his understanding and Dani moves to stand beside him. The doctor motions for Nico to sit down.

"Your wife had some complications during the surgery. We were able to stop the bleeding in her abdomen, but the swelling in her brain has caused the problem. The pressure from the swelling increased and put pressure on her spinal cord and brain stem. That is how the brain gets oxygen. We brought in a neurosurgeon to try to release some of the pressure, but we were not able to fix the problem in time." Dr. Lyon pauses to allow this news to sink in.

All the others are staring at him waiting for him to keep going until Dani speaks up. She had a little training in school dealing with brain injuries and knows what the doctor is referring to. "Doctor, when you mean you were not able to fix it in time, is she brain dead?"

The doctor looks at her quietly and nods his response. "I am sorry, but yes that's what I am saying." His voice cracks and his eyes begin to fill with tears. He waits for their responses to ensure they have a full understanding. He looks around the room and is extremely shocked that there are no other people here. Usually, there are a few different families here waiting on news of their loved ones, but it has been a slow week. Most injuries have been considered minor except for this woman and her child. These two cases have been hell on the staff and this family standing before him. None of the doctors are expecting the child to live, but now with the news of his mother, they are at a loss for what to say to this family.

Dani seems to be the only one at this point to understand what this means. Elizabeth looks to Dani and then the Dr. Lyon. "You mean she's not going to wake up?...Ever?"

Jacob and Marshall stand up together. Marshall moves over to Elizabeth but is staring at the doctor. Dani reaches for one of Nico's hands and her other goes behind his back. He is sitting down and leans forward and drops his head. "This can't be happening, please….. No."

Jacob is the next one to speak. "She has a living will. Do you need that?"

Dr. Lyon looks over at him. He needed to discuss the next steps, but was waiting on the family to fully understand what he just said. "Yes sir. A copy of the will would be helpful to ensure her wishes are met."

Jacob walks away to make a phone call. Nico seems to be having trouble breathing. The doctor walks over and sits on his other side. He places his hand on Nico's shoulder and whispers "deep breaths, slowly." Marshall is holding on to Elizabeth as she is crying uncontrollable. Suddenly she screams, "No! No! This can't be happening. You're wrong. She is going to make it! Please you have to help her. No!" Her legs give out from under her and Marshall catches her before she hits the floor. He sits on the floor and holds her in his lap. He is crying and rocking back and forth with her. "I know" is all he can say. A nurse enters the room after hearing Elizabeth scream. She sees the scene and walks over to Dr. Lyons. She knows the look on his face and can tell he is crying with the family. She's here to offer any help she can.

Nico is starting to calm down. "Can I see her?" The nurse nods to Dr. Lyons. "We have her set up in a private room."

Dr. Lyons looks at Nico and Dani. "Yes, you may see her, but I really need you to understand what I have just told you. When you walk in the room, you will see that she is connected to a respirator. The machine is breathing for her. Her body is still functioning but she is not going to wake up." He looks at Dani, "I really think you should come with him."

They stand together and move toward the door. Marshall looks at Dani, "I got her, please stay with him."

As they are walking down the hall, Nico reaches over and holds Dani's hand. He needs her strength. She doesn't say anything, just gives him a slight squeeze to let him know she's with him. When they enter the room, Nico stops at the foot of the bed. He stares quietly at her. She looks so peaceful, like she's just taking a nap. The machines are beeping around them and Dr. Lyons is standing in the doorway.

Dani looks at Natalia and then Nico. She can see how good they would look together. Ever since she found out Nico was married, she was curious as to what his wife would look like. She has never known Nico to look at women the way most men do when a pretty woman enters the room. She admires that quality in him. He is always the gentleman and shows immense respect for all women. Looking at Natalia, she can see the natural beauty that attracted Nico. Dani almost thought she could see the woman's spirit. She looks strong, sexy and powerful. All the qualities she wished she had were shining through in this lifeless woman.

Nico walks over and picks up her hand. Tears are streaming down his face, but he is quiet. He brushes her hair behind her ear and kissed her forehead. "I love you." He sits beside her and lays his head on her shoulder and cries. Dani turns to Dr. Lyons. "He will be ok alone; we need to give him a minute."

They walk into the hallway. She leans against the wall and looks at the floor. Dr. Lyons looks at her. "Have you gone through this before?" She looks up at him, "Not directly. I am a therapist and I've had patients to lose loved ones like this, but I've never been this close."

"I'm really sorry for your loss. Is she your sister?" Dani was about to blurt out that she has never met the woman before and remembers the ring on her finger.

"No, sister-in-law, my husband and Nico are brothers. My husband is in the waiting room with Elizabeth. He asked me to come here to make sure Nico is ok."

"Oh, you all seem really close. I'm glad you're all here for each other." Dani just nods her head at the comment. This is really a group of strangers brought together by a tragedy.

Marshall and Elizabeth walk down the hall. Dani is relieved for the distraction. She knows the doctor is trying to make small talk and offer comfort, but he has no idea dynamic of the relationships here. To be honest, neither does she. Dr. Lyons gets a page from the nurse's station. "Excuse me, if any of you need anything or have any questions, the nurse can page me. I will check back in with you in a little bit."

Dani walks over to Elizabeth. Marshall has his hand behind her back offering support and trying his best to do anything he can for her. He looks to Dani, "She wants to see Natalia. Do you think that's ok?" Dani nods yes, He looks away as tears fall again. His voice cracks as he asks, "Can you go with her? I'm not sure I can see her like that. "

Dani takes Elizabeth's hand.

Marshall looks at her with tears. "Does she look bad?"

"No, she just looks like she's sleeping." She understands his concern. From what she knows about him, he has seen a lot of his friends die in the past, and he really doesn't want to see another; especially when he's so close to her and her son. She can only imagine his pain.

Marshall takes a seat on the floor outside the room with his back against the wall. Elizabeth and Dani enter the room. Elizabeth really didn't get to see her when she first got here. She was arguing with Nico in the hallway when the alarms went off. She walks over to the other side of the bed. Nico still has his head down crying. He draped his arm across her chest and is holding on to her.

Elizabeth sits down on the other side and does the same thing Nico is doing. Dani stands behind Elizabeth and places a hand on her shoulder. She leans in to whisper in her ear, "I'm going to step outside to give you and Nico some time. Are you going to be ok?" Elizabeth nods yes into her friend's shoulder.

As Dani walks out of the room, she sees Marshall sitting in the hallway with his knees drawn up to his chest and his arms wrapped around them. He has his head bent and he's crying. She kneels down beside him and puts her head next to his. "I'm here for you too; after all, we are married." He kinda snorts as he leans back against the wall. She sits beside him and he leans over and puts his head on her shoulder. "Thank you, for everything."


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Dani is heartbroken for all of them. She hates to see them in so much pain. She and Marshall sit like that for a few minutes before he leans up. "I'm going to miss her so much. She has been the only person to keep me grounded these past ten years. When they started dating, she and I became close friends. She never put up with any of my crap. She has an amazing sense of humor and Alex is the same way. Anytime I had a problem, I could call her, day or night; she would never hang up on me. I will probably never have a friend like her again."

Dani looks at him. "What about Nico?"

Marshall laughs a little through his tears. "Most of my problems are with Nico. He and I are close, but sometimes he drives me mad. He and I were partners in crime until he got back. He changed for the worst after all that happened with her. I do understand that and I love him, but sometimes I can't stand him. He's the same way with me, but he will hang up on me though. He and I will always be close, but it will never be the same as it was before.

Dani sits quietly and lets him talk. Just as she's about to say something, Jacob enters the hallway with another guy behind him. They walk up to the two sitting on the floor. Marshall stands up and offers Dani his hand to help her up. Jacob walks up to both of them. "This is David, one of my associates. He works with Natalia and me. He has a copy of her personal documents…. Her living will, living trust, last will and the medical power of attorney for Alexander." Marshall and Dani greet David. He appears to have been crying but cleaned himself up before coming over. "It is nice to meet you. I wish it was under better circumstances." They both nod but don't say anything.

Jacob looks at the door to her room. "Is Nico in with her? I would like to see her but I don't want to interrupt."

Dani nods. "I will go check on them, Elizabeth is in with him."

She opens the door and quietly walks in. They are both still in the position they were in before. She moves over to Nico. She leans against his back and whispers in his ear, "Hey, how's it going in here? Is there anything I can do for you?"

He sits up and wipes his face and moves his hand to interlace his fingers with Natalia's. "Dani, I missed so much, and now I won't get to tell her everything I want to say… how sorry I am, how much I missed her, how much I love her and Alexander..Oh God, how do I tell Alexander about his mom?"

Elizabeth sits up and looks up at Nico. "I will help if you need me to." Nico nods his appreciation.

Dani finally speaks up, "Hey, is it ok if Jacob and one of his associates come in, he brought her paperwork and would like see her?"

Nico and Elizabeth both stand and stretch. He leans in to kiss Natalia on the forehead and turns to leave. As he walks out of the room, he sees Marshall and Jacob talking to another man. Jacob is handing a folder to Marshall and telling him all the paperwork and a video is there. Dr. Lyons is coming down the hall to meet the group. "We have a conference room where we can go over all of this privately. Does anyone know who was left in charge of everything?"

Jacob speaks up, "Natalia left a very detailed set of instructions but also left a video explaining her decisions. I know Elizabeth has a medical power of attorney over Alexander and her living will has instructions for herself. I think we should watch the video first." Dr. Lyons takes the folder and leads them down the hall to the conference room. As they enter the room, he turns on the tv and dvd player. Everyone takes a seat around the table, Jacob, Dani and Nico on one side; David, Marshall and Elizabeth on the other.

As the video starts, Dani reaches over to hold Nico's hand. A younger version of Natalia appears on the screen. The video is maybe a couple of years old. She is dressed nicely and is sitting outside on a porch.

_"Hello Everyone,_

_If you are watching this video, it means something has happened and I am not able to speak for myself at this time. I just want to make sure you know what I want to happen. If I am dead, please don't be upset for me. I know you will be sad that I'm not there, but please be sure that I am with my God. I know that when I depart from this world, I know what is waiting for me. If I am injured to the point where there is not a chance I will wake up, but my organs can be used to help someone else, I would like for that to happen. I would like to help someone else live a little longer to be with their family. Please understand that I do not want to be kept alive by a machine that is breathing for me. That is not a life and I do not want to waste time and electricity that way. I can't see myself just lying around for the rest of my life._

_If Alex is watching, please know that you are the second best thing to ever happen to me. I have cherished every moment of your life and I thank God every day for allowing me the honor of being your mom. You make me feel proud, happy, joyful and loved. You have always brought a smile to my face and have made every bad day better. Your hugs embrace my heart and I have never grown tired of hearing your stories. Please keep your sense of wonder, always ask why, and never stop searching until you find the answers you are looking for. If you don't like the way something is, please have the courage to change it and never be too proud to ask for help. I honestly believe that love follows you to heaven and I will be able to see your beautiful soul when it is your time to join me. I have a separate video for you but it is kept separate from this packet. It is for when you are older, I need to explain a few things that I am sure you will have questions about._

_If Elizabeth is watching, please know you are my lifeline. You have kept me sane and helped me more than anyone. I love you and I can never count the times you came to my rescue. You are more than a friend, you are my sister. I want you to know that I would never have made it this far without you. Please help take care of Alex when I am not there. He loves you and will need you to guide him through his life. You are an amazing person and I know you will ensure he keeps his head on straight. If not, you know how to handle him. He can always be bribed with Cheetos. I love you girl and I want you to be happy. You can have all my stuff if you want it, but I do have a separate list that you will get soon that will outline a few things I have set aside._

_If Marshall is watching, I want you to know that you are like the brother I have always wanted. You have been there for me at the worst and the best times. You have sat with me countless times in many hospitals always giving me the hope I needed to keep going. I pray you are not sitting in another hospital waiting on me; but if you are, please remember what you always told me, time will heal this, but you have to give it time to work. Wait five minutes, if nothing changes try to decide if that is good or bad, and then wait five more. I used to hate when you told me that. I always wanted the five minutes to go by so fast, then I realized all those times, you were always there. You being there made my burden lighter. I know that you wanted to change so much for me and Alex. You wanted to make Nico come home, you wanted to give us everything we ever wanted and you wanted to make everything easy. I truly want to thank you for always respecting my wishes. I know you didn't like it or understand it, but you never went against me. Thanks for sharing your life, your love and your friendship. Juliette is growing into a beautiful young lady. Thanks for allowing us to spend time with her. She is going to do something amazing one day and I hope I got the chance to see it._

_If Nico is watching, then I must have died a happy person. If not, Marshall and Elizabeth, I now give you permission to tell him about Alex. I have a separate video for him and a box of letters. I am not sure if he ever got the ones I mailed to him, but I made a copy along with a few I never sent. He is the best thing to happen to me and I thank God for every moment we shared together. I never stopped loving him and never once blamed him for what happened. I pray one day he will get to meet our son. Alex is so much like him and I hope Alex grows up to be just like his father. I chose to only remember the good, in the end that is all that mattered to me. I will love him forever, even if I'm not there._

_With this video is a copy of my living will, living trust and last will. Those documents will cover all the instructions. I will also sit down will Elizabeth and talk to her about my wishes as far as life support goes and how I want my funeral._

_For all those watching, please understand that I have no regrets in this life. I did things my way and I learned and lived. I am grateful for all the friendships I have had and for all the love I have felt. If I have wronged you in any way, please accept my sincere apology and please let go of the anger. I only want the best for those left behind. I love you all."_

By the end of the video, everyone was crying, even Dani. Nico held Dani's hand and put his head down on the table to cry. She leaned over and placed her head on his shoulder. Marshall and Elizabeth were holding each other as well. Dr. Lyons, Jacob and David decided to excuse themselves to the hallway to give the others time to process what was going on.

As they walked down the hall back toward Natalia's room, David spoke up, "Doctor, are you sure she is brain dead? She is really never going to wake up?"

Dr. Lyons stopped in the middle of the hall, "Yes, her brain was deprived of oxygen for more than 15 minutes. We tried everything we could to reduce the swelling and relieve the pressure but by the time we were able to fix the problem, it was too late. I am really sorry for your loss but I am very sure of the diagnosis."

David nodded as tears began to fill his eyes. "Can I see her now?" Dr. Lyons nodded his head and lead them into her room.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

As Jacob and David enter the room, David lets out a small breath. He was not really sure what to expect. He walks over to her bedside and takes her hand. He has known her for a couple of years through work and was excited when she decided to move to their office last year. She was always polite and caring. She made sure everyone was included on projects and was the first to give praise for new ideas. She would bring Alex to work with her sometimes and he was just like her. He brightened the room with his jokes and his smile. He was always asking questions and was so eager to learn. Alex would also stay with David and his wife sometimes when Natalia went out of town. She had some crazy rules about junk food but that was her thing; healthy food for everyone. She would sometimes bring food for the whole office if she knew they would be working late. David would sneak Alex treats and tell him keep it a secret, but Alex would always tell.

She raised him to never lie and she had amazing integrity. David knew he would never meet someone like her in his profession again. She was usually the first one in the office and the last one to leave. She made sure every client had her full attention and would go the extra mile to ensure everything was completed in a timely manner. She just made everyone's life easier. He didn't know how she managed it all. Being a single mom was hard but add being a lawyer to that and it was damn near impossible. She never complained about anything.

Jacob was the first to speak, "Alex is back in surgery. I can't help but feel responsible for this. If I hadn't sent her to Chicago for that brief, she wouldn't have been out so late… and Derek would still be alive. I can't believe all this is happening. First Derek and now Natalia, our office is falling apart." He sits in the chair on the other side of the bed. David looks down at her and then over to his boss. "You did not cause this. You said it was a drunk driver that ran a light. None of this is your fault. You can't think like that."

Dr. Lyons has been standing in the corner in case they had any questions. He clears his throat to get their attention. "I know this is really bad timing for all of this, but the video mentioned she wants to donate her organs. There is a small window for that. I will get the paperwork started. Did she say Elizabeth has the Living Will?" Jacob looks over at the doctor, "No, it's in the folder with the other paperwork, I kept the Living Trust and Final Will but the Living Will and Medical Power of Attorney are in the folder I gave you."

Back in the conference room, everyone is sitting quietly. Dani is thinking about what Natalia said and it made her think about her children and what would happen if something like this happened to her. She was not prepared for any of this like Natalia was. Natalia was a single mom from the beginning and so she had to be ready for every situation. Dani has only been on her own for a little over a year and she's been struggling to keep her head above water with her two teenagers. She couldn't imagine doing this by herself from the beginning. Wow, Natalia was amazing. She needs to take a few notes and do something like this for her kids.

Finally, Nico looks up to Marshall, "She got to meet Juliette?"

Marshall leaned back in his chair, "Yes, she got to spend a few weeks with them here and there over the past few years. I brought her with me one weekend when they were still living in San Francisco and she fell in love with both of them. Natalia kept Juliette clean and made her dress properly. She was a great role model for Juliette. She really cared and she made Juliette want to be a better person. All the changes you have seen in Juliette in the past three years are because of Natalia and Alex. Yes, I know she's had a few set-backs and slipped-ups, but Juliette changed because Natalia cared."

Nico sat back and thought about this for a few minutes. Juliette has changed. He hasn't had to bail her out of anything major lately. Her eyes have been clear and she really looks healthy. He even had a conversation with her about school. She was thinking about taking a few classes at NYU. She hadn't picked a major or anything but starting the core classes was just the beginning. How come she never mentioned Natalia or Alexander with him? He looked back to Marshall, "Does she know that Natalia is my wife?"

Marshal looked down at his hands, "No, we both decided not to tell her. We thought she would tell you about Alex and that was something Natalia wanted to tell you. Juliette never asked how I knew her and I'm not sure that she knows their last name. It wasn't important to her. Speaking of Juliette, I should probably give her a call to let her know what is going on."

Nico could see the pain in Marshal's eyes as he said that. He didn't want to be the one to have that conversation but he knew it would be coming with Alexander. His thoughts went back to Natalia. That woman never ceases to amaze him. He remembers back to the night he told her about Juliette and how he felt when he found out she was not his daughter. His heart broke and he was afraid to ever love someone that much again, but he did. He was glad that Natalia got to meet Juliette and spend some time with her and be a positive role model.

Dr. Lyons knocked quietly as he entered, "Are you ready for the next steps?" He enters the room with Jacob, David and another nurse. "I don't want to interrupt anything but we need to talk about what happens next."

Everyone sits up straight and looks at the doctor. He looks over to Elizabeth, "I understand she went over special instructions with you and she has a living will. Can you provide some details about this?"

Elizabeth wipes her eyes with a tissue and looks at the doctor, "She and I sat down one evening to talk about this. She said she doesn't want to be connected to a machine that will breathe for her. Her specific instructions were mainly that if she is in a coma and there is a chance she will wake up, that is different. She said that the first thing to do is contact Nico. She wanted him and Alexander to have a chance to say goodbye. Her other priority was to make sure her organs were donated to help others." She pauses for a minute and looks back to the doctor, "Can we donate her organs or were they too damaged?"

He looks to the nurse and then back to Elizabeth, "Yes, she does qualify for organ donation, but this is where the problem will occur. If you want this to be the final decision, we will need to act soon on that request. When someone's experiences brain death, their body no longer functions the way it should. She's hooked to a machine that is breathing for her, but her brain is not telling her body what to do any longer. Her other organs will begin to shut down soon." He pauses to wait for that information to sink in.

Everyone is looking around trying not to make eye contact because they all know she is going to die, but they don't know how to process it. Again, Dani is the first to realize what was said and what the major problem is. She looks directly at Dr. Lyons and he knows she has figured it out. He nods and she looks over at Nico. Now Nico and Marshall see her expression and he asks, "What is it?"

Dani sits up straighter and takes his hand, "Nico, What Dr. Lyons is saying here, is that we need to act within the next few hours on this. I know you may not be ready to say good bye, but the major problem is that Alexander is still in surgery. He won't get the chance to see her."

Nico sits quietly for a minute not knowing what to say. He is definitely not ready for any of this. He looks over to Elizabeth for help. She is in the same state of shock as he is. Neither know what to say or do. He looks back over to Dr. Lyons, "Have we heard anything about how Alexander's surgery is going?" He looks down at his watch. "He's been in surgery for a few hours now, any word?"

The nurse steps up, "I just came from the surgery suite. Dr. Ames was able to correct the problem and he was closing the incision when I left. Anytime there is an abdominal surgery, they use very strong sedation. Even in the best circumstances, he wouldn't wake up from surgery for a few hours. I understand he has other complications and was unconscious before. The chances of him waking up within the next few hours or even the next few days are going to be very slim."

Elizabeth leans across the table and reaches for Nico. He reaches up to take her hand, "What do we do?"

She is at a loss for words. Dani looks to Marshall but he also has no clue what to say or do. Doctor Lyons clears his throat, "I know this decision is the hardest to make, you have a little time. We are going to give you some space, if you need any of us or have any questions, we will be right down the hall. Please know that we want to make this as easy as we can, so don't hesitate to ask." With that, Dr. Lyons, the nurse, Jacob and David leave the room. Jacob and David walk back down the hall to Natalia's room.

David pauses at the door, "Do you mind if I have a few minutes to say good bye? I am going to leave because her family needs time for all of this. I don't belong here." Jacob nods his reply and takes a seat outside the door and David enters and closes the door behind him.

Dani stands and walks over to Marshall; even she feels out of place here. He stands and embraces her in a hug. He whispers softly so only she can hear, "I don't know what to say or do here." She nods her understanding and replies, "Me either."

Nico and Elizabeth are both leaning over the table holding hands. Neither want to start the conversation, but it needs to be said. Nico sits up, "She was always the one to sacrifice herself to help others. I know donating her organs is what she really wants. She said there are people out there on waiting lists just waiting for a call that will change their life. She wants to be a part of that." Elizabeth nods her head, "Yeah, she told me the same thing."

He stands up and walks around the table to Elizabeth, "We both know the only thing standing in the way. Neither of us want to say it because it makes it all too real, but what if we wait too long and Alexander doesn't wake up either? I know I don't want to think about it, but I have been there before. I know the kind of pain he is in and I didn't want to wake up from that. The doctors told me when I woke up that my whole team was gone. I didn't want to live after that. Thinking about it like that now, I believe it is better that they were gone before I woke up. I know it sounds bad, but if Alexander wakes up and sees his mom lying in a bed sleeping, he is not going to be able to say goodbye that way. I want him to remember her smile, her hugs, her kisses and her life. I don't want him to remember her lying there connected to machines. I don't want him to see us turn those machines off. I don't know how you feel about this, but that is where I am with this right now." He is holding her and she presses her face into his chest. She is sobbing too much to answer. She knows what he is saying is the right thing, but she can't make that decision. She is very thankful Nico is here to see them and what he is saying it the best thing for both Natalia and Alexander.

She starts to calm down after a few minutes. She steps back and looks into Nico's eyes. She sees all of his emotions. The fear and pain are the strongest and she knows he can see hers as well. They both make the silent agreement to turn the machine off. Dani and Marshall both walk over and embrace the two in a hug. They all stand there holding each other for what seems like forever.


	16. Chapter 16

**This has been a LONG week and the rain has only added to my crappy mood. I can't wait for the summer!**

Chapter 16

Finally the door opens and Jacob steps in. He sees the expression on their faces and knows what's coming. He isn't ready either, but he knows it has to happen soon. Dani steps away from the group to talk to him. They step back into the hallway and he leans back against the wall. Dani can see his pain and reaches over to hold one of his hands, "You want to talk about it?"

He's quiet for a minute trying to gather his thoughts. "This isn't fair. I wish this was all just some awful nightmare and I'm going to wake up soon." She squeezes his hand and pulls him into a hug as he begins to sob. He wraps his arms around her and buries his face into her shoulder. She stands holding him for a few minutes until he starts to calm down. She knows he kind of feels out of place and doesn't want to break down in front of the others. She is also not sure what kind of relationship they had; because as far as she knew, Jacob was Natalia's boss. Dani can't say she has ever been so close to a co-worker that they would cry like this if something happened to her. She has no idea that Jacob was also Derek's boss and there were only six people in their office. They were more like family and friends than co-workers.

A buzz from his phone breaks the embrace. He reaches into his pocket and looks at the screen. It's a text message from someone. He looks away trying to fight the tears from starting again. "Jacob, you ok,.. what is it?"

"That was a message from Carol, our secretary. Derek's funeral is going to be Sunday afternoon." Dani gets a confused look on her face so he explained, "Derek was the other person in the car. He was the one that didn't make it. His family is coming into town this week and setting things up for the service. I spoke with his sister earlier. She will be here tonight. She wants to know if it is ok for her to stop by and see Natalia and Alex; I'm not sure what's going to happen so I just told her to call back when she got into town. She and Natalia used to go shopping when she was here." His voice begins to crack again. He looks back toward the Natalia's door and then to Dani. "I know what she wanted and I can tell Nico's going to stand by her decision. He seems like the type of person who would give her anything she wanted and I know she loved him more than anything."

He was about to say something else but the door opened. Elizabeth and Marshall came out together. Dani looked back into the room and saw Nico sitting at the table with his head down on his arms. Marshall looked over to Jacob and then to Dani, "How is everything out here?"

Jacob spoke up, "Not good, but I guess no better in there either."

Marshall shook his head no and wrapped an arm around Elizabeth's shoulder. "We have made the decision to donate her organs. Elizabeth needs to meet with the Organ Donation Coordinator to fill out the paperwork. Dani, can you go check on Nico? He is going to have a hard time saying goodbye. We all are but you know him."

Dani nods her head and heads toward the conference room. Jacob looks over to Elizabeth and Marshall, "Do you mind if I go say my goodbye to her while you meet with the staff? I have some other stuff to take care of. Derek's funeral will be Sunday and his family is coming in. His sister wants to know if she can stop by to see Natalia and Alex. Her plane lands in about an hour; will she have time to see her?"

Elizabeth looks over to him, "I don't mind, but she will need to come soon. Dr. Lyons said they don't have much time before her organs start to shut down. Can you bring her here first?"

Jacob nods his head yes and walks past them to her room. He enters slowly and closes the door behind him.

Dani enters the room and walks over to sit next to Nico. He's bent forward with his head resting on his folded arms. He's crying and didn't notice her enter the room. She sits beside him and leans over to wrap her arm over his shoulder but he moves. He turns toward her and pulls her up and into a hug. She doesn't say anything, just wraps her arms around him and rubs her hands up and down his back. She's at a loss for words. She has never been in this position to lose someone so important to her.

After signing all the necessary documents, Marshall and Elizabeth walk quietly back to Natalia's room. The door is cracked open and a nurse is making notes in her chart. They quietly knock and the nurse motions them in, "Your friend left a few minutes ago. He said he would be back with one more visitor in about 45 minutes." Marshall and Elizabeth nod their heads and the nurse leaves.

Marshall walks over and sits on the rolling stool next to the bed. He picks up Natalia's left hand and looks down at her sleeping form, "This isn't right; I'm going to miss her like crazy." Elizabeth walks over and puts her hand on his shoulder. "I will wait outside so you can have some time alone." He reaches for her hand, "Please stay, I don't think I can do this alone." She nods her head and puts her other hand on his other shoulder and leans into his back. Tears are forming in his eyes again and his voice cracks when he starts to speak again.

"Hey, I don't know what I'm doing here. I don't want to lose you and I know you can't hear me but there are so many things I want to say to you…. so many things that you should've known before today. First, I love you more than you will ever know. Not as a lover or anything, but you know as family. I never told you how much you and Alex mean to me. You keep me grounded…..Sane. You talk me through my bad days and damn, I've had a lot. You have always been there for me. You've seen me at my worst and I never told you thank you for saving my life. You showed me that there were good people left in this world and that not everyone is bad. Thank you for helping me into counseling and thanks for going with me to my first appointment. I know for a while there, I was a real bastard, but you helped me through that. Even Nico doesn't know about that. Thanks for never hanging up on me and never giving up on me. I know you had your bad days too, and I tried my best to make them better. I promise to keep working on myself like you said. You're an amazing mom and you showed me how to be a better dad. You're the reason I have any type of relationship with Juliette and because of you, it's so much better. I know you kept telling me to work on my relationship with my wife, but I think I'm finally ready to let go. I want the type of relationship you and Nico had. I want to find someone who looks at me the way you looked at him. I have hope that there's someone out there like that for me and that is only because of you. I do still care for Gabrielle but I don't love her like I should. I need to let go so I can find the right person, and when I do, I will never let her go. I know you never let Nico go and you loved him as much yesterday and you did the day you married him. I'm sorry I couldn't convince him to come home sooner. I respected your wishes but somehow I feel like I failed you in that area. You are the strongest person I know. I love you and I will miss you every day." He placed his head on the bed and cried for a few minutes. Elizabeth stood behind him and rubbed his back.

She never knew any of that about Marshall. She lived with Elizabeth and Alex for six years and never knew how close they were. He would come and visit a few times a month and he knew they exchanged phone calls and emails, but they were always just friends. He would come watch Alex if Natalia was going out of town and she had to work. He was always polite and never got in the way. He would run errands for both of them and try to fix things around the house when he was there. He would even try to help her if she was having a bad day. They would talk sometimes when they were cooking and he would ask how she was doing. She always wondered what kind of billionaire does this? Elizabeth never realized how much he was around until Natalia and Alex moved to Denver. She would never admit it now, but she kind of missed him too. He would stop by if he was in town on business to check on her but never stayed long. She is really amazed that she's only thinking about this now. She squeezes his shoulder as he sits up to wipe his face.

A nurse enters the room and clears her throat to get their attention. "I was coming to let you know that her son is out of surgery and being settled back in the CCU. You can go visit him soon.

Marshall stands and stretches. As he turns to leave, Elizabeth wraps her arms around him in a hug. She doesn't know why she did it, but it seems right at the time. He pulls her in tight, gives her a small squeeze and whispers, "Thanks, I really needed that." She nods into his shoulder. He steps back and looks her in the eye, "Do you want me to stay for you?"

She looks over at Natalia, "No, someone needs to be there for Alex. Can you check on him and let Nico and Dani know what's going on?" He nods his head yes and steps out of her embrace. "I will close the door to give you some privacy. If you need anything, call me, do you still have my number?" She nods her head yes.

She takes a seat where Marshall was and picks up her hand as well. "Hey girl, wow, he's something. I never knew you two were that close. You really touched him, but you tend to do that for everyone. I know you did it for me. God, I am going to miss you. I already miss you. It's going to be so different without you. You have always been the one I can lean on. You have bailed me out of so much and I don't know what I'm going to do without you. I could never thank you enough for all you did. But I feel like Marshall does right now, you saved me. You were always the one to help me when I needed, always took my calls and never gave up on me. You saw me through my bad days and never complained when I kept you up all night talking. You shared your life and your son with me. You taught me how to treat others and not to judge people on their appearances. I remember you were the one to always welcome the new people and made sure everyone was taken care of. Those are the things I learned from you. I also want what you had. I want that kind of love you had for Nico. You taught me how to be a mom and when I finally find the right person, I want to be the kind of Mom you were. I am always going to be a part of Alex's life and I know Marshall will too. Don't worry, Nico is here now and he will pick up where you left off. I have seen the way he looks at that child and he is over the moon about him already. I can tell he's finally ready for this. I wish you could see the way Nico looks at him. There is so much love there, and the love he has for you, has only gotten deeper. He knows how much he missed and he will do everything he can to make up for that. Alex will be taken care of; there's no doubt about that. Oh and get this, Nico is friends with a therapist. Marshall kinda set that up I think. Her name is Danielle and so far, I like her. She's a lot like you from what I can tell. She's made sure everyone here is taken care of and we are all strangers. Marshall lied to get her here, but you can really tell he respects her. Apparently she has proven herself somehow. I guess she must have done something amazing to earn Nico and Marshall's trust. She must have been working with Nico because I can tell he does trust her. I can only hope she is helping with his PTSD so when Alex goes home, Nico will be ok. I'm not sure what Nico's plans are but if they go back to New York, I may put in a transfer to be closer to Alex. California and New York are too far apart. I've missed you like crazy and I know I just saw you a few months ago, but it was not the same. None of this will ever be the same. I know when I go home to the house we shared, there will be so many memories, and when I go to your house here it will be hard too. I'm not ready to let you go… I don't want to." Elizabeth leaned forward and placed a kiss on Natalia's head and then laid her head on her friend's shoulder. She was half lying in the bed crying when Nico and Dani knocked. She leaned up and wiped her face as they entered. They stood by the door and waited for her to compose herself. Nico wasn't ready anyway.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

Elizabeth sat up and wiped her face. She leaned over and kissed Natalia on the forehead one last time and whispered, "I love you." She quietly walked past Nico and Dani and shut the door behind her. When she got to the hall, she leaned her back against the wall and slid down to the floor. She pulled her knees to her chest and buried her head as she wrapped her arms around her knees. She sat crying quietly to herself and didn't notice when Jacob came up to her. He knelt beside her and wrapped his arms around her shoulders, "I am so sorry, I know she loved you so much and I just wish none of this happened." She raised her head and saw a woman standing behind him. Her eyes were red and she was sniffing quietly to herself.

Jacob leaned back and moved to stand up. He offered Elizabeth his hand and pulled her up. He was just about to say something when the door opened and Dani came out. He nodded to her and raised his hand in the other woman's direction, "This is Amanda, Derek's sister. Amanda, this is Dr. Santino and Elizabeth. Elizabeth is Natalia's best friend." Amanda stepped forward and tried her best not to cry again. She has been in shambles all day since learning about Derek and now Natalia. "I just wanted to stop by to check on them and Jacob told me the news. Oh God, why is all this happening? Why them?" Her questions were only stopped by the fact that she could no longer talk through her sobs. Dani and Elizabeth moved together to wrap her into a hug. They all stood holding each other for a few minutes.

A nurse came over to Jacob, " I'm not sure how your family would like to proceed with this, but would you like us to call in a Chaplain?" Marshall walked up behind the group and answered the question for Jacob, "Yes that would be appropriate. Actually, would it be better if we called her Priest? I know she goes to church, but I'm not sure where." Jacob looked over to Marshall with appreciation. He felt something was missing earlier but couldn't place his finger on it. The Priest should have been called sooner, even just to pray over both of them. He pulls his phone from his pocket and dials a number. He begins to speak and all of them look at him, "Carol, do you know the name of the church that Natalia and Alex attend? ….Great, do you have a number?" He disconnects the call and quietly dials another number. "Good evening, I am calling because a friend of mine attends your church and she and her son were in a car accident. I was wondering if I could speak with her priest?...Good evening Father, I am calling on behalf of a friend. She and her son were in a car accident and it is not looking good. Can you come pray for her?...Yes sir…. Her name is Natalia Careless…..Yes Sir, Alexander….She is at the Swedish Medical Center… Very soon…. Thank you, we will see you soon." He tucks the phone back in his pocket, "he should be here in about 20 minutes."

Amanda looks over to Jacob, "Do you think I could see her before?" He looks over to Dani, "Nico is with her?" Dani nods her head. "I think you need to wait a few minutes, her husband is with her." They all straighten up and walk back to the waiting room.

Nico has been sitting holding her hand since Dani left. He can't find words to express everything he's feeling. He's missed her every moment since the day he left. Things were finally starting to get good for him and he was starting to think about coming to visit her. It took so long, but for the past four months, he was starting to sleep longer at night and his nightmares were not as often. He's been monitoring his video surveillance in his apartment to see if he moves in his sleep. It's been almost a year since he has actually gotten out of the bed while asleep. Most mornings when that happened, he would wake up on the couch, but nothing in the room seemed to be disturbed. Every time that happened, it would just concrete his decision to stay away from her. He was not taking that chance. He has thought about the letters and almost opened a few, but never got up enough courage to break the seal. Every letter has that one phrase "From someone who loves you today." How could she still love him after all this time? There's no doubt that he loves her more than anything, but she didn't almost kill him. They were married for three years before all that happened but together for five. He almost called last year on their tenth year anniversary but had a bad night a couple of weeks before. He tried to stay away and maybe she would've moved on. The only thing he sent her was divorce papers. That was her way out, but she never signed them. He knew it was cold; but to him it really was the best way. Marshall would tell him every month to call her; every month for ten years. Marshall would even tell him that he saw her and that she was doing well, but she still missed him. If he ever asked questions, Marshall would only tell him to call her. God, why didn't he listen and call her?

Finally, after sitting there for what seemed like forever, he reaches up and kisses her on the cheek. "Hey sweetheart, I just want you to know that I would do anything to trade places with you right now. I love you more than you will ever know. I know I've been a jerk and an idiot and just plain stubborn. What I wouldn't give to speak to you one more time, look into your eyes and kiss you one more time, make love to you one more time, and share the rest of our lives. I wish there was some way to change this situation. I have become a fixer, but there's nothing I can do to fix this…. just one more thing to add to my list of things I can't do.

I'm amazed at you and Alexander. You named him after my grandfather? I remember sitting up with you that night on the beach talking about our future. I completely forgot about the names we picked out for when we were going to have children. I know you wanted about six and I'm sorry I wasn't there to help you with that. He looks so much like you and every time I look at him, I will think of you. I really hope he'll understand why I wasn't there before. I know he will miss you and he loves you. Marshall is with him right now. He is recovering from surgery and I'm going to go see him soon. I saw the video you left with you request to donate your organs. I know you just want to help others, but I know that whoever gets your heart, will be the luckiest of them all. I will love you forever and there will be no one who could ever touch me like you did."

He laid his head on her shoulder for a few minutes. His tears fall silently and a quiet knock on the door stirs him. He sits up and wipes his tears as Dani opens the door. "Hey, can I come in?" He nods his head but doesn't turn around. She walks up behind him and puts her hands on his shoulders. "Nico, I am really sorry about all of this. I wish I could do or say something here, but there is nothing anyone can say that will make any of this better." He doesn't say anything or move. He thinks to himself how much Dani reminds him of Natalia. They would have gotten along well. Dani is the reason he has been doing so well this past year. She showed him that not all therapy is bad. She does things differently and she really cares about her patients. He's positive that there isn't much she wouldn't do for her patients. She even got up in the middle of the night to go to New Jersey to talk TK out of a strip club. He didn't come that night, but something she must have said to him changed his mind. She has even gotten into a race car with a driver and gone over 100 mph to help him overcome his fear of crashing. Every time she had a difficult client, she would come at the problem a different way and she kept going until she found the problem. Natalia was a lot like that. She could be so stubborn when she had her mind set on something. Stubborn is one word, but another could be determined. Nico would never forget the time she stood in the rain and blocked traffic for 20 minutes to help a turtle cross the road. People were honking their horns and swearing at them but she blocked the road until he finally made it across. When she got back in the car soaking wet, all she said was, "I guess our dinner plans are changed." She never backed down from a fight and he loved that about her. A small smile came across his face as he remembered wiping the drips of rain from her nose.

A knock at the door pulled him from his thoughts. Marshall entered with a young lady. "Nico, I am not trying to rush you but you know there isn't much time. This is Amanda, she is Derek's sister. She wants to know if she could see Natalia for a minute? Also Natalia's priest is here to pray for her." Nico stood and moved aside for Amanda to come closer. He turned toward her to leave and it dawned on him who Derek was. He stopped and turned back to her. "I'm really sorry for your loss." She nods her head but is looking at Natalia, "Thanks, and the same goes for you. I am going to miss her. She was always full of life and one of the kindest people I have known. I know Derek cared a lot about her and Alex. He loved spending time with that child. He said it was giving him practice for when he had kids." She walked closer to the bed and squeezed Natalia's hand. The priest came in with Elizabeth and Jacob.

The room seemed so small at this point. The priest was the next to speak. "Ladies and Gentlemen, I do apologize for taking so long to come. I would like to offer my sincere condolences. Natalia and Alexander have been a big part of our church family for about a year now and we are truly going to miss her bright spirit. It does my heart well to know that she is surrounded by her family in the time of departure. So many people were blessed to know her and she will be missed by our entire community. If I may, can I pray for her? "

Nico nodded his head yes. Everyone bowed their heads and closed their eyes.

"God our Father, your power brings us to birth, your providence guides our lives, and by your command we return to dust. Lord, those who die still live in your presence, their lives change but do not end. I pray in hope for her family, relatives and friends, and for all the dead known to you alone. In company with Christ, who died and now lives, may they rejoice in your kingdom, where all our tears are wiped away. Unite us together again in one family, to sing your praise forever and ever. Amen."


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

Everyone quietly filed out of the room until Nico was the only one left. Dr. Lyons and a nurse came in a few minutes later. "Mr. Careless, let us know when you are ready. We are not rushing you and please take as much time as you need." He made a few notes in her chart and turns to leave."

"Dr. Lyons, how's this going to go? Are you going to shut down the machine and wait for her to stop breathing? What happens?"

"No sir, the way we would like to do this, is for you to say your goodbyes here in this room. We will take her back to surgery. When the procedure is complete, you may see her again, but I personally would not recommend it. She will look the same and I assure you that the upmost respect will be given during the entire procedure."

"We will be told who gets her organs?"

"No, we are not allowed to tell either families about where the organs came from or where they go. It's important to keep patient privacy in both cases." Nico nodded his understanding. He bent down one last time and kissed her on the forehead. He walked out of the room and found the others in the hallway. Elizabeth came over and wrapped her arms around him. He held her silently and they cried together. After a few minutes, he finally calmed down enough to ask about Alexander.

"Marshall went to visit him earlier but they were still getting him settled. I'm sure we can see him now." Marshall and Dani were in the waiting room talking to Jacob and Amanda. Elizabeth cleared her throat to get their attention, "We are going to go see Alex."

Jacob looked at his watch and back to Amanda, "It's almost 9:30, do you want me to take you back to Derek's house?" She yawned and nodded her head. She looked up to Nico, "Natalia was an amazing person and she loved you so much. She always told me she was married to the most handsome man alive. She was right,… but I'm going to miss her like crazy. I'm truly sorry for your loss." Nico smiled at the compliment and pulled her into a hug, "Thank you for coming and I'm sorry you lost a friend as well."

As they entered the CCU, the nurse from the night before was standing at the desk reading a chart. Karen looked up and saw them all coming. She put down the file and turned to face them. "Alexander is settled for the evening. He's fighting strong. I'm really sorry to hear about your wife. If there is anything any of can do to help, please don't hesitate to ask." Nico nodded his head and turned to face the check in nurse.

After he gave her his named he turned to go back to Alex's room. Karen reached over and placed a hand on his shoulder, "Can I speak to you for a second?" Everyone froze in fear. "It's not about him, it's about you." Nico nodded his head and she led them all to the waiting area.

She paced a little in front of them, "Listen I know this is probably the worst day you have all had, but that child laying in that room needs all of you at your best. All of you have been here for more than 24 hours. You are still wearing the same clothes you had on when you got here. You all need to go get some food, take a shower and get some sleep. You have lost someone you really love; you need to deal with that. This child is fighting to live; he needs you here when you are ready. He's been given some pretty strong pain meds and he's not going to wake up tonight. I can't make you leave and I can't stop you from seeing him, but I strongly recommend you take a break. I can take down all of your cell numbers and call you if anything changes. Please think about that."

They all look closely at each other and realize how bad they actually look. Karen is right, they need a break. Nico finally looks at her, "Can I please see him for a few minutes?" She nods her head. Elizabeth goes with him.

Dani and Marshall are left in the waiting room, "Marshall, I don't know what to do here. I know as a therapist how to explain the stages of grief and how help process those feelings, but I've never been this close to this type of situation." He looks over at her, "Dani, no one knows how to deal with this. Every situation is different. I've lost friends in the past and every time it's different." He walks over and pulls her into a hug, "You are doing fine and I'm glad you are here. Nico is really going to need you. You are going to have to make him face this. He holds a lot in and the pain and guilt he already has will only get worse. Please make him deal with it, even if he gets mad at you, don't give up on him."

Nico and Elizabeth walk into the room and stop at the foot of his bed. Neither of them knows what to say, they just want to see him breathing. He looks the same as before but he now has bandages over his abdomen. The redness on his face and chest is starting to fade a little and the burned areas that were blackened skin are now clean and pink. He is still connected to the machines that are breathing for him and there is a steady rhythm of beeps from the various machines.

Elizabeth walks closer to him and leans over to kiss his cheek. "I love you Yogi, and I will see you soon." Nico looks over at her but doesn't say anything. He's afraid to get too close. They both slowly turn to leave as Karen comes back in the room with a notepad. "Can I get your cell number? I know the desk has it written down but I am keeping this copy in here." He writes his numbers down along with Dani and Marshall's.

As they walk back into the waiting room they see Marshall and Dani hugging. They don't want to interrupt anything so they wait by the door. Marshall sees them at the door. He steps back and clears his throat. "Where do we want to go? We can either go to their house, or a hotel." There is plenty of room for all of us at their house and I need to check on their dog."

Nico looks up, "They have a dog?" Marshall looks over and grins, "Yes, it's a cocker spaniel named Gabby." Nico smiles, "that's fitting, but why Gabby?" Elizabeth looks over to Marshall missing the joke, "Didn't your daughter name the dog?" Even Dani laughs at this, "Elizabeth, Marshall's wife's name is Gabrielle and she has quite the reputation of being a bitch and since cocker spaniels are known for biting…." She shakes her head, "You are all wrong for that." They all laugh a little as they walk toward the car.


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

The ride to Natalia's house was fairly quiet. As they drive through the town, it dawns on Nico that he doesn't have anything to change into. They left in such a rush that he forgot everything. "Hey, I'm going to need to stop somewhere to get some clothes, I don't have anything with me."

Dani speaks up, "Xeno gave me your overnight bag from your office. I'm not sure what's in it, but it should get you through tonight, right?"

"Oh thank God for Xeno, I was worried I would have to stop by a Wal-mart or someplace creepy like that."

Elizabeth snickers at him, "You too good to shop at Wal-mart?"

"I'm not above buying food or toothpaste, but they don't sell my brand of clothes there. Besides, I'm not as worried about wearing the clothes from there, as much as I am about walking into that store at this time of night. Have you ever been to Wal-mart after dark?"

Dani smiles now, "The big, bad Nico is scared of Wal-mart after dark?"

Nico looks over to Marshall, "You're not going to help me out here?" Marshall shakes his head, "I agree with you, I'm not going in there after dark either. Last time I was there, a guy with a blue Mohawk and mini skirt asked for my number, and that was in the daytime." They all laughed and settled into a quiet ride after that.

After about twenty minutes, they turned into a quiet neighborhood. After turning down a few streets, they finally pull into a driveway. The street is fairly lit and there are houses on both sides of this house. It's quiet and the first thing Nico notices is the trees. The street is full of older trees that provide shade to both sides of the street. Each yard seems to be well manicured and no one is parked on the street. Each house looks well cared for and there's a "Children at Play" sign about halfway up the street. He wonders if Alexander has many friends that he plays with out here. As soon as the first car door closes, they can hear a muffled bark coming from inside the house.

Marshall pulls out his keys and unlocks the door. He flips on the porch light for the others and disappears into the house. Dani, Elizabeth and Nico get their stuff from the trunk and walk toward the door. As they enter the foyer, Elizabeth takes her shoes off and leaves them in a pile next to a few other pairs. Some are small tennis shoes and other women's dress shoes. Nico and Dani follow suit and enter the family room. The first thing to hit Nico is the smell of the house; it smells just like home.

Dani looks around. It's a really nice house. She sees pictures of Natalia, Alex, Elizabeth, Marshall and Nico. Most of the ones of Nico are with Natalia. She sees a smile like she's never seen on this man before. She can see the love in his eyes for his wife. She also sees a few with Alex and a furry dog at different stages of the dog's life from puppyhood and up. By the look of the photos, the dog is only a couple of years old. She picks up one frame and smiles. It's a picture of Alex, Natalia, Marshall, Elizabeth and a teenage girl holding the puppy. It's on the beach and it must have been windy that day. They are all laughing at something. They look so happy that she can't help but smile. Marshall walks over to her, "That was taken the summer before they moved here. We spent the day at the beach for Alex's birthday. Juliette got him the puppy as a gift. She said every boy needs a dog. They spent the whole day in the water with her teaching him how to surf, at least trying to anyway." Nico walks over and peers over Dani's shoulder. She hands him the frame and steps back. He holds it for a minute and sets it down. He looks around at the other pictures and then the room. "I missed out on so much." His voice cracks and he walks away from the group.

Elizabeth walks down the hall and opens one of the bedroom doors to drop her bag in her room. Marshall looks over to Dani, "You can have the guest room and I will take Alex's room. You and I will be sharing a bathroom between the rooms, but you can take a shower first." She nods her head and walks down the hall. She opens the first room on the left and walks in. It's a nice sized room with a full bed and nice furniture. She unzips her bag and gets her stuff for a shower.

Nico and Marshall are left in the living room. Nico is walking around trying to take in every detail of their lives. He's surprised at how many pictures of him there are. Their wedding picture is on the mantle along with a few of him before they got married. "How did she get this picture?" He picks up a frame and shows it to Marshall. He takes it, "Your grandmother gave it to her before she passed away. She gave Natalia a lot of stuff including some stuff that was your grandfather's."

"Did Nonna get to meet Alexander?"

"Yes, she was there when he was born. There's a picture of them together somewhere…" He looks over at the bookcase. "Here it is." He hands the picture to Nico. Nico holds the frame but can barely see the image through his tears. His grandmother passed away about a year after Nico left, but he's happy she got to meet her great-grandson. "I wonder why she never told me about Alexander?"

Marshall shrugged his shoulders, "I don't know but she spent a lot of time with them the first few weeks he came home from the hospital. She even made him a blanket. She would rock him and tell him stories about you. Natalia loved her so much. Nonna understood Natalia's reason but I didn't get it. When she got sick, Natalia would visit her every week. Nonna would call her in the mornings and tell her if you were coming. I know you were with her when she died, but Natalia wasn't ready to see you then, so Nonna would send you off on some crazy errand so Natalia could bring Alex in to see her." Nico smiled at that, remembering all the crazy things Nonna would ask for and it would take him hours to get them, like a bagel from a bakery twenty miles away. He missed that woman so much. She and Natalia got along so well before all this happened, so he's not sure why he's so shocked that Natalia kept seeing her after he left.

Marshall walks through the kitchen and opens the back door to let the dog back in. He opens the pantry door and brings out a bag of dry dog food. The dog is so focused on Marshall that it doesn't notice the stranger in the house. As soon as Nico enters the room, she hears him and turns and growls. Marshall bends down to pet her, "Easy now, he's a good guy."

Nico bends down to offer his hand for the dog to sniff. Marshall stops him, "Nico wait, only offer your left hand in a closed fist for her sniff." Nico stops and pulls his right hand back. "Why?"

"Because you are right handed, if she bites you, it won't be the hand you use. Also, only give a closed fist because she's less likely to bite off a finger that way."

Nico nods his head, closes his left hand and offers it forward for the dog. She slowly sniffs his hand and moves closer to him. Her tail starts to wag and she licks his hand. "Hey Gabby, I guess we need to get to know each other." He pets her behind the ear and she settles down and walks off to her food bowl.

Elizabeth comes out of her room, showered and changed in to sweats and a t-shirt. She looks over at the guys in the kitchen. "Hey, I will look around for some food if you two want to get cleaned up. Marshall you can use my bathroom if you want. Nico, I assume you are staying in Natalia's room." He straightens up. "Yeah, I guess so."

He moves back to the living room to get his bag and walks slowly to the end of the hall. He pauses outside the door and takes a deep breath. He finally gains the courage to open the door. The bedroom is a lot like their room used to be. The bed is the same but the blankets are different. The same pictures are on the wall and the same furniture is there. She arranged the room almost the way their old room was but the closet and the bathroom are in different spots.

He slowly enters the room and closes the door behind him. He moves to the bathroom first because he realized earlier that Karen wasn't kidding when she said he needed a shower. He turns on the light and then the water. The smell of Natalia's shampoo and conditioner hit him in the face. It smells so familiar, like something he has smelled recently but he can't place it. He moves to the sink and looks in the mirror. He really needs to shave and brush his teeth but he will do that after the shower.

As he removes his shirt he looks in the mirror. He sees the scars from his past and can tell that Alexander will have a similar pattern. He doesn't have much hair on his chest or his arms due to the burns but scars have faded a lot. Only a handful of people have seen him without a shirt and know about the scars. It's not something he's excited to have in common with his son. There have been so many advances plastic surgery over the past 15 years that maybe they can reduce the appearance for Alexander. Steam is starting to fog the mirror so he moves to the shower and lets the hot water relax his body,

After about 10 minutes in the shower, he starts to smell food. Elizabeth must be cooking. He washes off and gets out dress and shave. After his shower, he moves back to the bedroom. He sits on the bed on the side that was slept on. It was closest to the bathroom. When they shared a bed, he always slept closer to the door. It made him feel safer that way. He laid back and buried his face into her pillow and cried. Her smell overwhelmed him, but he couldn't let go. He cried himself to sleep. He didn't hear when Dani knocked on the door to check on him. She saw him passed out. She turned the lights off and closed the door behind her.


	20. Chapter 20

I took the week off to spend spring break with my niece and nephew, but they have company and two adults in a house with five kids (ages 6-13) is not my idea of a break. I was tired two days ago, now I'm exhausted. The plus side is I get to do more writing at night when everyone else is sleeping. Also sharing a bed with a 6 year old is like doing yoga in my sleep. I wake up feeling worse than when I went to bed. Amani on the other hand is having a blast! This is a lighter chapter and I will pick back up with the heavy stuff again. No beta so all mistakes are due to lack of sleep.

Chapter 20

Nico hasn't slept like he did that night in years. He slept soundly for almost five hours before his dreams started to invade his sleep and he jerked awake. It took a minute to realize where he was and not much longer for reality to set in. He rolled over to check the time and realized it was almost 4:30. He lays there taking in the scent of the pillow and the feel of the room. The events of the past two days have drained him both emotionally and physically. It has been so long since he has cried that it seems now that he's started, he can't stop. He's been blocking out everything for so long that he's tired of being strong. He's placed so many walls around himself that he has basically been living in a prison. No friends, no family, no life. He works 16-18 hour days and never takes a day off. He pulls the night shifts to keep from sleeping and ensures everyone on his team has time with their families. He rolls over to look around and finds a teddy bear in between the pillows. He recognizes it. He gave it to Natalia to sleep with when they were first married. He had to go away on a long trip and she was sad about sleeping alone. He got it to keep her company. It was still soft and probably never left the bed. His thoughts of her snuggling with the bear brought tears to his eyes again. He whispered to himself, "When will this ever stop?"

He got up and decided to get in a light workout before the others woke up and they headed back to the hospital. He looked around the room and noticed a detachable pull-up bar beside the doorframe to the closet. Natalia was the only woman he knew who could do chin-ups with little effort. She had a small frame but incredible upper body strength. They used to work-out together and she never ceased to amaze him with her determination.

His usual daily work-out consists of five sets of 10 pull ups, 20 push-ups, 20 crunches and a 30 minute run and then on Fridays, he would go for a long run of about 10-15 miles. It's a routine he's had since his days in the Seals. It took a while to build back up to it after the accident, but now the routine helps him process his thoughts as well as minimize his normal aches and pains.

He gets his headphones from his travel bag and flips through his phone to find his workout playlist. He sets up the pull-up bar and moves the chest at the end of the bed out of the way. He does a few warm-up stretches and begins his workout. He gets through the first two sets and doesn't notice when the door to the room opens. Dani opened the door to check on him and sees he's already up.

She had set her alarm to get up early so she could call her children before school. After a few minutes of catching up, they had to leave so the call was cut short. She decided to check on Nico because she was worried he may have had a bad night.

He has his back to her and about halfway through his third set of pull-ups. She's mesmerized by the sight. He's only wearing sweat pants and headphones. His long back muscles and biceps contract every time he pulls himself up. He moves to start his push-ups and sees her feet on the other side of the bed. He pushes up and stops, "Good Morning, is there something I can help you with?" He takes a knee and pulls the headphones from his ears.

She's stunned to silence. It's the first time she sees him without a shirt and she can't help but stare. He stands up and reaches into his bag for a t-shirt. "Nico, how did you get those scars?"

He takes a deep breath and looks down at his chest. "When I was in the Navy I was involved in an accident. Our Humvee hit a road side bomb and exploded. I was standing about a foot away. My whole team was killed. I spent a year in a hospital with the same injuries that Alexander has. I know what he's going through and how hard it is to recover from something like this." He walks around to the side of the bed and sits down.

Dani is leaning against the door frame and watches as he pulls a shirt on. "Nico, I'm sorry about all of this. About the pain you are in, about you losing Natalia, about Alex, just about all of it. I wish there was something I could do to help you…. Marshall and Elizabeth. God, if this were my family I would have probably lost my mind by now. Seeing all of you in pain like this…" Her voice cracks and Nico walks over to pull her into a hug. "Dani, you are helping. Just being here and being you is helping. I've never met anyone like you and trust me, you really do help others. I've seen it." He turns to kiss her on top of the head and that's when he smells her shampoo. It's the same kind that Natalia used. He knew the first time he smelled it that it was familiar but that was over a year ago and he couldn't place it then.

He leans back and looks her in the eye, "Are you ok?" She nods her head. He steps back. "I'm going to finish my work-out and get a shower. I'll make breakfast in a little bit if you want to go lay back down. You probably only had a few hours of sleep and to be honest you look tired."

She turns back toward the door. "I may lay back down for a bit, Elizabeth and I talked a little last night. She's having a hard time with this, but I'm sure I would too if it were Janette. This has been her family for the past 8 years. It's hard to lose people you love but when you're that close, it's so much harder. Can you help keep an eye on her? I'm not worried that she'll hurt herself, but we need to make sure she's taking care of herself, you know, like eating and sleeping. Just keep her talking and give her small things to keep her busy. Sitting alone for a long amount of time will make her mind wander back to the pain and loss. Nights will be the hardest for her, especially here surrounded by all this."

Nico nods his head as he resumes the push-up position. "I'll keep an eye on her. Also thanks for checking up on me. I'm glad you are here, but can you shut the door on your way out?"

"What you don't like an audience?" She smiles as she pulls the door closed.

She walks back to her room thinking to herself how sexy he looked without a shirt and how has she never noticed his ass before? She shakes her head to clear those thought and whispers to herself "That's Nico! What are you thinking?"


	21. Chapter 21

Sorry this took so long to post, it's been crazy these past three weeks. I got to see someone I haven't seen in a really long time and that was amazing. When I got home and went back to work; I got sent out of town for training, and I forgot the charger to my laptop. I finally made it home to my bed... I missed my bed.

Chapter 21

The smell of coffee and food woke Dani up about an hour later. She checked her phone for messages and rolled out of bed to get dressed. The image of Nico without a shirt still lingered on her mind but she wasn't going to entertain thoughts like that, especially at a time like this.

Marshal and Nico were in the kitchen talking when Dani walked in.  
"Good morning Dr. Santino, how did you sleep?" Marshall handed her a cup of coffee, "There's sugar in the cabinet over there and crème and milk in the fridge."

"I slept ok, I didn't realize how tired I was until my head hit the pillow and I was gone."

Nico looks up from his cooking, "Good morning, again, you look better than earlier." Marshall looks over to the two of them but doesn't say anything. He figured Nico was going to have a bad night, so maybe she went in to talk to him.

She makes her coffee and leans against the counter across from Marshall, "Any news from the hospital?" Nico looks over to her, "I called and spoke with Nurse Karen. She said he had a pretty quiet night. They expected that after the pain meds from the surgery. The really strong stuff will be wearing off soon. Today may be a different story."

Elizabeth enters the room and doesn't look at anyone. She walks to the refrigerator and gets a bottle of water and turns and leaves. Dani looks over at Marshall and Nico, "Is she alright?" Nico shrugs his shoulders but Marshall smiles a little and nods, "I think so, she's usually like that in the mornings."

They both turn to look at him. "When they lived in California and I stayed with them a couple of times that's how she was. She's not a morning person. Alex once told me to never talk to her before coffee."

Dani nods her head, "Lindsay's like that too."

After breakfast, everyone quietly gets ready to go back to the hospital. Marshall takes Gabby for a walk and Dani makes a few calls to check on some patients. Nico's standing in the living room looking at the pictures. He carefully picks up each one and studies it for a minute and replaces it. Dani is watching him but doesn't say anything. His demeanor changed a little but she can't really read his emotions.

She hangs up the phone and walks over to him, "You ok?"

He nods his head and looks around, "They look happy."

Dani looks around. She's not really sure how to answer that. Before she can say anything, Marshall comes back in and Elizabeth comes out of her room. They're getting ready to leave and Marshall grabs a bag with a few items in it.

Nico looks over at him and then at the bag. Marshall looks around and grabs a picture of Alex and Natalia from the shelf, "It's just a few things to make him comfortable when he wakes up; his teddy bear and blanket and a few pictures." Nico nods his head and walks out the door.

The ride to the hospital was quiet. When they check in to the front desk, it is almost 9 am. Nurse Karen is briefing the day shift with her notes and sees Nico standing at the desk. She walks over to give them a quick rundown as well.

"He had a pretty quiet night. Some of the meds are wearing off so his blood pressure, heart rate and temperature are getting higher. Dr. Ames checked in with him earlier and he will be here during the day. If you have any questions, he will be here and the day shift nurse is Michelle Kerns. He's having some muscle spasms brought on by pain. We are giving him a different treatment than before. If you're in the room and he starts moving, please get a nurse. Our checks will be every 30 minute until he settles again, but if you see anything between those times, let us know."

Nico is the first to speak, "Is he waking up?"

She looks at the chart and back to him, "No really, it's more that his body is responding to the pain stimulation; like his reflexes are in overdrive. It's both good and bad, his brain is sending signals, but he is in pain. We just gave him his first dose of meds. We also inserted a nasal feeding tube; it's only temporary until we see how his body responds to nutrition. You can see him now if you want."

Nico and Elizabeth are the first to go back. Marshall and Dani decide to go get coffee for everyone. As Nico and Elizabeth enter the room they notice the lights are low and he still appears to be sleeping. His burns are starting to heal and the redness on his face is going away. He looks much better than the first night they saw him. He just looks like he's sleeping.

One of the day shift nurses came in to do her check. She's holding a clipboard and looks over to Nico, "Sir, I'm really sorry to hear about your wife; and I understand, you're his father?" Nico nodded his head.

"I have some paperwork we need to have filled out. Mostly his medical history, any allergies and stuff like that. I will leave this with you and you can turn it in to the nurse's station. Is that ok?" Nico took the clip board and started reading over the forms. Every sentence he read just made him hurt and angry. Looking at the paperwork, the only two questions he could answer were his name and date of birth and that's only because other people told him. He looked over to Elizabeth, "Can you help with this?" She nodded her head yes and took the clipboard. "Thanks, I'll get Marshall since he can probably help too." and he left.

Marshall and Dani just got back from getting coffee and they were sitting in the waiting room talking. Dani looks up and sees Nico and the expression on his face has her worried. They both stand and walk toward him. "Is something wrong?"

Nico glares at Marshall for a second and then turns back to Dani, "He's resting, but the nurses need some information. Marshall, do you mind helping Elizabeth with that? I need some air." Marshall nods his head and moves to walk past them. Nico starts off toward the door. Marshall looks back to Dani, "Go after him, something's up."

She has to almost jog to catch up with him. She calls his name but he doesn't answer. He just keeps walking through the halls until he gets to the outside door. He exits the hospital and she follows him but doesn't call his name anymore. He walks down one street and then turns at the corner. He has to stop to wait for a traffic light and she catches up with him. He has tears in his eyes, but they are not falling yet. She can tell he is upset but she's not sure if it's anger or pain or maybe both. She doesn't try talking to him, but puts a hand on his shoulder to let him know she's not leaving him. When the light turns red, he reaches up and takes her hand off his shoulder and holds it as they cross the street. He slows his pace and continues walking until he comes to the park he was at before.

He guides them over to the patch of trees he was at before and sits down in the shade. It's a little chilly and just as Dani was thinking she should've brought a jacket, Nico takes his off and gives it to her. "Thanks." He nods his head but doesn't say anything.

They sit quietly for a few minutes and then his tears start to fall. He is looking across the baseball field watching people casually walking by. "Dani, what am I doing here?"

She looks at him for a minute and then turns her body to face him, "You're here for your family."

"What family? The only person I've ever really loved just died and that child doesn't know anything about me! If and when he ever wakes up, what do I tell him? I don't know anything about him. I can't even fill out a simple medical history form. I have no idea if he's allergic to anything, what his past history is or any of the basic information. Did you see the pictures at their house? Looking around last night and this morning, I don't fit in there. Those pictures are of a loving family who seem happy, really happy. Marshall, Elizabeth and even Juliette belong there, I don't. I don't know anything about them. I know more about TK and Booze, hell, I even know more about your kids than I do about him. What kind of father is that?"

Dani knows he is angry and hurt. Some of this grief, and he needs to deal with this, all of this. "Nico, it's normal to feel like this, but…"

"Don't go all therapists on me! I don't need all that psychobabble right now!"

"I'm not here as a psychiatrist right now, I'm here as a friend; and I'm telling you that as a parent, you are right where you need to be. Every parent is scared and hurt when it comes to dealing with their kids. No one knows everything about their child and you have to live with them to learn about them. I had to learn the hard way that RayJay was allergic to peanut butter. I felt horrible that something I gave him almost killed him. He had an anaphylactic reaction and I had to rush him to the emergency room. I wanted to die when I had to sit holding his hand while he was struggling to breathe. I wanted to take all that away and carry his pain for him. He was 18 months old and all I could do was hold his hand. I know that right now, you are going through so much that this can seem unbearable at times. To lose someone you love is hard, but this situation has other stresses added to it. You are just now finding out about your son and losing his mother all in the same week is unfair, but you need to deal with this so you can help him. Anger, guilt, fear, jealousy, all of that is normal; I would be worried if you didn't feel those. I will be here as long as you need me. I care about you and I want you to make it through this so that you will become an amazing father. I know you're going to be great at it with Alexander; you already are with the team. PLEASE Let me help you."

He sat there listening to her while his tears fell. A text message from Marshall drew them back to reality.

_Paperwork is done. Jacob is here and has a few questions for you. No rush, just letting you know. Alex is still resting. – Marshall _


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

Dani and Nico quietly walk back to the hospital. Just before they go in, he turns to her, "How do I do this? How do I go in there and pretend that I'm not mad at them? Right now, I just feel like they stole something from me. They had the family I always wanted. We are all losing that family right now, but it was supposed to be mine, not theirs."

"Don't pretend anything. You don't lie to them; tell them what's going on. We need to get this out in the open but first we need to talk to Jacob. I think today, we need to leave the hospital for lunch. We all need to get out of this place to talk and we don't need to be talking like that in his room. We'll see if Jacob can stay with him while we go out."

He nods his head and they walk in quietly. As they enter the waiting room, Jacob, Amanda, Marshall and Elizabeth are standing together talking. Jacob has a folder in his hand and Amanda is talking to Elizabeth. She turns to greet Nico and Dani, "Good Morning. I hope you are doing well under these circumstances." Nico greets her and nods his head.

"I wanted to stop by to check on Alexander and all of you. Derek's funeral will be Sunday afternoon and you are all invited. Our mother wanted to know if it's ok that we speak about Natalia at the service. They were very close and Derek loved both of them so much. There isn't anything he wouldn't do for them. We don't know what the funeral plans are for Natalia, but would you like to combine the services?"

Nico turned to look at Jacob and Elizabeth. Once again, he had no clue as to what to say. Dani realized his frustration and reached over and squeezed his hand. He gave a silent squeeze in return as to say thank you.

Jacob held out the folder to Nico. He released Dani's hand and took the folder. "That explains the details for her service that she planned out. She didn't want you to have to plan her funeral if you were too upset. She also stated at the end of the document, you could change this if you want to; this was merely a backup plan."

Nico read through the instructions about having her remains cremated and returned to Sicily. She wanted her ashes scattered over her family's land. The memorial service could be small and intimate if needed with donations made to a specific charity in lieu of flowers. Nico had never heard of this charity, but he could look it up later. Also inside the folder was a sealed envelope for Nico. He took the letter and looked up to Jacob, "Instructions?"

Jacob shook his head, "No she said that was personal just for you."

Nico looked back to Elizabeth and Marshall, "Do you want to have the Memorial Service in conjunction with Derek's?"

"That's fine with us, most people who knew one, knew the other."

A smile filled Amanda's face, "Great, we would love to honor both of them at the same time. Is it ok if we plan the service, of course you have all input, but we have a lot to do before Sunday and you need to stay with Alexander?" Nico nodded his head. To be honest this was a huge relief for him. He didn't know where to begin with all of this.

"I am happy to assist in any way you need, my mother would like to cook dinner for you tonight to bring up here. Is that ok? She knows what's going on and knows you need to stay here so she would like to do that for you."

"That would be nice, please thank her for us." Nico gave her a hug and she had to leave. Jacob cleared his throat, "I need to speak with the doctors here to tell them which funeral home we will be using." He turns to walk away and Nico follows behind and calls his name.

"Jacob, I was wondering if you can do me a favor?"

"Sure, anything."

"I know you probably have a busy day, but can you come back around one to sit with Alexander? I need to talk to Marshall, Elizabeth and Dani but I don't want to do that here."

Jacob nods his head, "Yes, I will return then. Oh and thanks for allowing us to combine the services."

Nico shakes his hand and turns back to the others, "How's he doing?"

Marshall looks down at his watch, "they were changing his bandages and sheets and said we could come back in about half an hour, but that was a while ago, so we can go back now."

Nico and Elizabeth go back and Marshall decides to stay back out with Dani. "How is he doing?"

Dani looks up at him, "He needs to talk to you and Elizabeth. He's hurting but he needs to explain it. I suggested we all go to lunch so Jacob's going to come back to sit with Alex. How's Alex doing?"

"He was starting to fidget a little earlier, the pain meds were wearing off. The nurse came in and gave him something." Marshall walks over and sits in a corner of the room and Dani joins him.

"How are you? Looking around the house this morning, I saw you were a big part of that family, how are you holding up?"

Marshall looks down at his hands, "Is it wrong that I don't feel anything yet? It's like this isn't real. I know she's gone, and Alex is hurt, but right now, I don't feel anything."

"This is none of my business, but are you taking any medicine? You mentioned earlier that you have PTSD, and I know that some treatments involve medication that can control your moods. If you are taking meds, they can be affecting your emotions as well."

He looks over at her and thinks _Damn, she's good!_ "Yes, I'm taking some meds that help with the nightmares and control my mood swings. I didn't even think about that."

"That's probably it then, keep taking them and talk to your doctor if you need to. I'm here and I will listen, but seriously, if another doctor prescribed meds, stay with that."

He nods his head, "So how are you holding up? I know you are here for us, but if you need a break or need to leave, just say the word. I know you have a family as well and being away is hard sometimes."

She looks up at him not expecting this. Her opinion of this man has changed so much over the past week. He's a real human being, not just some rich, arrogant asshole that buys his way in and leaves destruction in his path. She's sure that only a handful of people get to see this side of him and feels honored to be counted among them. "I'm doing ok. Natalia seems like an amazing person that really touched so many people in a positive way. I wish I could have met her."

He stared down at the floor and smiled a little, "Yeah, she's a lot like you."

Dani was floored by that compliment. She doesn't see herself like that at all and doesn't know how to respond. Marshall looks at her and can tell she's confused.

"Dr San…Danielle, YOU are an amazing person that really believes in changing the world. You are fierce, loyal, caring and devoted. You put  
110% into everything and make people better. You fix people. Not many people can do that, Natalia was one of those people and so are you. You may have formal training as a psychiatrist, but really there's more to you than that. Your personality and your devotion to your patients is an amazing gift. You get results. People trust you and they lean on you because you are strong. You've been through a hell that most people don't make it out of and you came out swinging. Look what you've done for my team. I'm not just talking about TK, but that was a feat all in itself. Then there was Booze and Kirkman. Dani, you cured the entire city of a superstition! I don't need to go into the other people you have helped in my employment, but the biggest miracle of all, Nico. I'm very confident that if you would have known about Natalia a year ago, you would've fixed that marriage. You are fixing Nico without him even knowing it. Don't sell yourself short on any of this. Some people have trouble seeing the forest for the trees. Please don't be upset by this, but you are the best person I've ever invested in. Natalia showed me that therapy works. She had to force me to go, but I did. When Matt suggested we hire a shrink to fix the team's mental problems, I was all over that. No one understood it, especially Nico. He has had some issues with people in your profession and he was skeptical that this would work. I can tell you that YOU are the reason it works. I couldn't have hired a better person for this job."

Her eyes were filling with tears and she was stunned to hear this man, her boss, talk to her like this. The sad part is, no one has ever talked to her like this or even made her feel half this appreciated before. She was speechless.

Marshall saw her reaction and decided she needs a break to compose herself, "The coffee's getting cold, I'm gonna go for a fresh batch, you need anything else?" She shook her head and was relieved when he walked away.

**A/N: This is just a filler chapter but I couldn't sleep so freestyle typing helped iron out some details and develop Marshall's character. Nothing too emotional here, but it's coming up, with the letter and the service...**


	23. Chapter 23

Hey, I'm home sick this weekend and have had a lot of time to write. I hope to finish editing the next chapter today with the letter and the memorial service. Someone helped me hash out some details and for that I am very thankful. Hope you enjoy.

Chapter 23

Dani got up to go to the restroom. She needs to clear her head and wash her face. She really doesn't know how to react to what Marshall said. As she's walking down the hall, she can only think that this whole week has been full of surprises, good and bad. She misses her kids and her normal routine but she can also tell that things are going to change soon. She knows that coma patients don't heal fast and neither do broken hearts. Nico, Marshall, Elizabeth, Jacob and Alexander are going to need a lot of help. They're in for a rough time and each person will need help on different levels.

When she's done cleaning herself up; she heads back to the waiting area to find Marshall on the phone. He's talking to someone about a police report and a video. He ends the call and looks over at her, "I was just checking up on the other driver and seeing if the police know anything."

"Do they?"

"My guy hasn't heard yet, he's going to check up on it. He's also going to look into the other people who stopped at the scene."

Elizabeth and Nico came out a few minutes later. "They are doing his check and we needed a break."  
Dani and Marshall nodded. Nico looks down at his watch, "Hey, it's almost 12:30, I asked Jacob if he can come sit with Alexander around one so we can go to lunch. I need to talk about a few things and this isn't the place for it."

Marshall nodded his head, "Anywhere special you want to go?"

"No, I just don't want to stay here and I also don't want to go back to the house either, so anywhere else is fine."

"Okay, sounds like a plan." Marshall can tell something's bothering Nico. He can't quite put his finger on it, but Nico's never been shy about telling him like it is.

Elizabeth walks over and sits in the corner by herself. She looks tired and tries to stifle a small yawn. Dani walks over to her with a cup of coffee, "Hey, you look like you could use this."

Elizabeth takes the coffee, "Yes, thank you."

Dani sits beside her, "How are you holding up?"

Elizabeth stares into the coffee, "I'm doing ok, I guess. He looks better today, but I wish he would just wake up. I would feel so much better if I could just see his smile."

Dani reaches over and touches her arm, "I'm glad you're here for him. He's going to need you when he does wake up. Just keep talking to him and telling him how much you love him and that you're here."

Nico looks over at Marshall and then to Elizabeth. He's silently thinking over what he wants to say to them. _They should've told me. Has Marshall pretended to be his father? Why was Marshall so involved with my family when he never took care of his own? _Nico starts pacing the room and his anger's starting to show in his body language again. Dani notices the change and also knows Nico shouldn't do this here. She casually walks over to him and puts her hand on his shoulder to stop his pacing, "Hey I was wondering if you could do me a favor?" He stops and looks at her, "Um, yes doctor?" She has to think fast because she doesn't want it to be obvious, "Can you call Xeno to have someone check on my kids tonight? I know they're at their father's but I just want to make sure they are behaving."

He looks at her and realizes what she's doing. He nods his head, pulls out his phone and walks away. When the call connects, Xeno sounds a little tired, "Hey boss, how are things going? How's Natalia?" Nico takes a breath for a minute, and realizes he hasn't spoken to Xeno since before Dani got there. "Oh, I'm sorry I didn't call before. God, I hate to tell you over the phone, but she didn't make it. There were some complications during one of her surgeries and…." He knew he didn't have to go into any more detail. He waits a minute for that to sink in, "Her memorial service will be Sunday if you want to attend, it will be here in Denver and your ticket will be paid for. She was always good to you and I know she used to care for all of those on my team." Nico knew now he was just rambling, but he this was Xeno and that was ok.

"Boss,… Nico, I'm really sorry. What can I do for you?" Nico takes a long breath, "There's nothing you can do, nothing I can do, we are still waiting to see how my son, Alexander, will do. Xeno, you should see him, he looks just like her." Xeno can hear the pride in Nico's voice when he speaks about his son.

"Sir, I am sorry to hear about him as well. I will keep him in my prayers for a speedy recovery. I know there's nothing I can do for you there. I will come and sit with you if you want, but I think my services are best used here in your absences. Was there a reason you were calling me? Is there anything I can do here for you?"

"Oh, yeah, there is a reason I was calling. Dr. Santino was wondering if you have someone available who can check in on her children? She's not worried about their safety, but would like some peace of mind that they're staying out of trouble."

"Sure I can handle that. I know just the person to check on them. I will text you if anything bad is going on."

"Thanks"

Just as Nico ends the call, Jacob enters the hallway headed toward Nico. Nico walks up to him and shakes his hand, "Thanks for coming; I hope this hasn't interfered much with your day?"

"No, I would love to sit with him anytime you need me. I care a lot about him. How is his day going?"

"It's been fairly quiet. They switched his pain meds so if he starts moving or jerking, get a nurse. They say he's not waking up, it's just pain responses. You have my number if it is anything more than that." Jacob nods his head and follows Nico back toward the Alexander's room.

After Jacob is settled and Nico spoke to Alexander for a minute, Nico returns to the waiting room for the others. "Jacob is in with Alexander, so we can go. Any ideas for lunch?"

Elizabeth spoke up, "There's a pub not too far from here. It's usually quiet during the day and the food is good if you like soup and sandwiches."

They all agree and quietly set off toward the car. The drive was quiet with Elizabeth and Marshall up front and Dani and Nico in the back. Nico is looking out the window lost in thought again. His body tenses up again. Dani reaches over and places a hand on his arm. His body relaxes a little and he nods his head in appreciation, but doesn't look at her.

At the restaurant, they place their orders and wait for their drinks. Marshall knows something's coming but Elizabeth's clueless. Elizabeth sat with Nico and Alex most of the morning but mostly held Alexander's hand and talked to him. She wasn't paying much attention to Nico glaring at her. After the waitress brings their drinks, Nico leans forward on the table trying not to raise his voice. "Listen, I know both of you are here because you care about Natalia and Alexander. This has been your family for the past 8 years, but seriously, what the hell? Did neither of you think I would want to be a part of his life?"

Elizabeth is the first to speak up. She does not like the accusation, "You were the one who left. I tried calling you about twenty times a day, every day for almost a month after you left. You refused to take my calls. I even tried coming to see you at the hospital but you refused visitors. Don't give me that shit that I didn't try. I even followed you to New York but you had one of your security guys make me leave. You refused to see me! As mad as I was, I was still not going to send you a text message tell you she was pregnant, but I sent you countless texts telling you to call her, or call me. You changed your number."

Nico looks down at the table, "Lizzy, I understand you tried and I am not nearly as mad at you, as I am at him." He glares up at Marshall. The fury in Nico's eyes could have burned a hold through the table. Marshall knew this was going to come; anger and jealousy were just where he's going to start.

"Nico, I couldn't leave them like that. When I showed up at your house that night and saw what happened, I couldn't just walk out and never come back. She was my friend too."

"Friend? You look like more than just friends! Looking around that house at all those pictures, you look closer than friends to me! There are pictures of you and Natalia together, you and Alexander together and then all three of them together. I've never even seen a picture of you and Juliette together until last night. There's a picture of you two together and you are smiling, both of you are. How is it that you went 15 years of your daughter's life ignoring her and letting her run wild, but in the past two years you got close to her? And then, you only got close to Juliette because of Natalia? I have more pictures of Juliette in my apartment than you have in all of your houses. You were too busy being a father to my son, to worry about your own daughter! I've been there pulling Juliette out of her messes and sitting up with her crying when it should have been you. She's not my daughter, but I love her like one. And all this time, you've been living it up with my family!"

Marshall leans forward at the table and lowers his voice, because Nico's temper was getting worse and his voice was getting louder, "Nico, EVERY TIME I see you, I tell you to call her. I have offered to bring her to you, or take you to her. You've known all these years. I've always made sure you knew I was in touch with her. I never went into details of her life out of respect for her. She wanted to be the one to tell you. She had her reasons and I assume she has mentioned them in those letters that YOU never read. I get it that you are angry and jealous but really think about this: If you were ready to see her, then you would've gone home. You are the one who stayed away and refused any contact. I am not sure why you never called her. You can be in two separate states and still talk to her on the phone. All you had to do was pick up the phone. But out of some misguided sense of protection, you didn't. Do you really think she was better off without you? She loved you more than anything. Trust me, I never once even thought about a relationship with her other than being her friend. I loved her like a sister, but even if I did, there was no chance in hell, because she was always in love with you. ALWAYS!

The waitress brought the food and everyone remained quiet while the plates were settled and she walked away. Nico listened to Marshall's words and thought about them for a second, "You were the one who told me once; that if it's important, you'll find a way, if it's not, you'll find an excuse. All I hear are excuses."

Dani spoke up at this point, "Nico, you really don't think that Marshall was moving in on your family do you? You told me he was your best friend, the one who saved you from yourself. You look at those pictures and see him in the father position, but when I looked at them, I didn't. Natalia always had her hands on Alex, Marshall always had his on either Elizabeth or Juliette."

Elizabeth jerked her head up fast at that comment. "What?"

Dani looked over at her, "Looking at those pictures, Marshall was always standing next to you with his hand on your shoulder or your arm or behind your back. In every picture that all three of them were in, Marshall was always beside you and you were always in the middle between him and Natalia. In pictures of Marshall and Natalia, they are never touching. Marshall did put his hands on Alex or you, but never her. From a psychological point of view, it was a statement of that not being allowed. Everyone looks at a picture and sees something different. Nico you see him in the picture as the man of the family, I see him as a protector, but not the father. He cares about them but not in the way you think."

They all sit quietly and finish their food. Now they all have something serious to think about, but they all keep going back to the pictures in the house. Marshall and Elizabeth think back to the events of each photo and try to remember what was going on when the photos were taken. Nico sits quietly and plays with the fries on his plate. He is not as angry as before but now he wants to look at those pictures again.

After they finish their meal, they quietly head back to the hospital. When they walk in, Nico looks over at Marshall, "I'm still too mad to think straight. All of this is too much right now. I am going to stay out here for a while if you want to sit with him." Marshall nods his head and walks away. He knew it wasn't an apology but he wasn't looking for one.


	24. Chapter 24

**I promise the Letter is coming up soon. My mind keeps on rambling and I am stuck in bed with the flu or something. I am writing between naps so any mistakes are blamed on Nyquil Cold and Flu meds. **

Chapter 24

Nico moves to the waiting room with Dani. He is sitting quietly lost in thought when Jacob enters with another lady. Nico stands up when they get close. Jacob introduces the slender, blonde haired, blue eyed lady, "This is Caroline Davis, she's Alexander's first grade teacher. She called me this morning and I explained what happened. I told her it would be ok for her to visit." Nico extends his hand to greet her, "Good Afternoon, Mrs. Davis."

She takes his hands and returns the greeting. Nico can tell she's been crying. "I'm sorry to bother you here. When Alex wasn't at school on Tuesday, I wasn't so worried because he said his mom had been out of town over the weekend. Sometimes she keeps him home the day she returns to spend some quality time with him, but when he didn't come back on Wednesday or Thursday, I was a little worried that he may be sick. I've been trying to call Natalia since Wednesday morning, but the calls go straight to voice mail and she hasn't returned any of my emails either. I called her work number this morning and Jacob explained what was going on. I hope you don't mind, but I wanted to see him."

Nico shook his head no and guided her to a chair to sit down. "You are welcome to come anytime. The doctors say the more familiar people he has around, will help when he wakes up. I will add you to the visitor list."

She took a tissue from her purse and wiped her eyes. "He is such a wonderful student and I am glad Natalia fought so hard to keep him in my class. He really adds so much to the classroom and I have really missed him this week. Seeing him like that was very painful. He's usually so full of himself and goes out of his way to make people smile. He bounces around and he can't sit still to save his life, but he's never disruptive in class. I miss my little assistant."

Nico is trying to take in everything she is saying. "Why did Natalia have to fight to keep him in your class?"

She wipes her eyes and looks over at him, "The school board wanted to skip him up to middle school. He tested off the charts but Natalia refused to allow them to move him. She said although he's gifted in understanding written and verbal text, he needs to be socialized and kept with his peers. It's true that he can probably recite the entire encyclopedia, but he can't tie his shoe. He also has ADD. If they were to put him in middle school, he would not do nearly as well as he's doing now. He has friends, he participates in activities and he's a natural born leader. If you were to move him up to a grade where the pre-teens would pick on him and be intimidated by him, he would shut down and not develop socially. Plus the teachers would have difficulty handling him because one on one, he is great; but if they tried calling him out on something, he would shut them down with his level of intelligence and they would feel stupid. Then he would have teachers and students against him. Natalia and I have worked out a specialized program for him. He's technically enrolled in a home school program for gifted students that he does in my classroom. That way he's engaged mentally, physically and emotionally. He has real friends and he's developing at the level he needs to."

Nico just sat there thinking he's in way over his head. How the hell is he going to deal with this? He looks over to Dani hoping she will have some insight as to how do deal with this from a mother's point of view. Dani walks over to them and sits beside Nico. "Do you know what the future plans were for his education next year?"

Mrs. Davis nods her head, "There are a few teachers in our school that are aware of his situation. They help with his assignments and make sure he's staying on track. Next year, he would move with his peer group to second grade and then we would re-evaluate his emotional state at that the end of the year. I'm really going to miss her. She was so involved in our class. I already miss him..." She starts to cry and Nico puts his arm over her shoulder and pulls her close. She cries on his shoulder for a few minutes and he rubs her back to comfort her. "You can come see him anytime you want, I'm sure he would love to see you when he wakes up."

It takes her a few minutes to calm down. She sits up and wipes her face. "Thank you for letting me see him, I really do need to go. Jacob told me about the memorial service on Sunday. I will let the others at school know about that. She is an amazing person and we will all miss her greatly." Nico and Jacob stand and help her to her feet. Jacob looks at his watch, "Amanda will be stopping by shortly, I have a few things to do so I need to be heading out. Do you need anything?"

Nico shakes his hand, "No and thank you for everything you are doing. I seriously don't know what I would do without you."

As Jacob turns to leave, he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a business card. "This is where Natalia is. She will be set up in one of the viewing rooms, I hate to ask but do you want it to be an open casket service? The cremation will be handled later in the week and you will be notified when she is ready. The service will begin at 1:30 for both of them. Private viewings can take place anytime for family between now and then, just call the number on the card and they can let you in to see her."

Nico takes the card. He stares at it for a minute but can't read the words through his tears. "Thank you. An open casket service is fine." He blinks a few times and tears run down his cheek. Jacob nods his head and walks away to give Nico some privacy.

He walks back over and sits next to Dani, "How am I going to do this?"

She looks over at him wondering what exactly he is talking about, the funeral or the next phase of his life. She keeps the answer broad, "With the help of your friends."

He looks over at her, "Thank you for coming. I'm really glad you're here. I know you need to get back to your family and your life, but I really appreciate you being here. Right now, I need to go for a walk to clear my head. Please don't follow me. I have my cell phone and if anything changes, please call me." She nods her head. "I need to call my children anyway. They should be out of school by now."

Elizabeth is holding Alex's hand and has her head down on the bed. She dozed off about an hour ago. She didn't sleep very well last night and spent most of the night crying into her pillow. She is physically drained and the events at lunch just made it worse. Marshall is sitting on the opposite side of the bed checking his email on his ipad. He sends a few messages to his lawyers and his personal assistants of his various business ventures. He needs to catch up on work and sitting here in a quiet room is the best place to think.

All of a sudden, one of the alarms begins beeping and Alex starts moving. He seems to be having trouble breathing. Marshall sprints to get a nurse and Elizabeth tries to calm him down. He looks like he is gasping for breath but he has a tube in his mouth. His eyes open and he arches his back. It almost looks like a seizure. Marshall pulls her back while a nurse moves in with a syringe of medication for his iv. She checks the machines and all the feeds. She is working quietly and another nurse comes in. They are talking to each other giving commands and checking different things. Finally, he calms back down and they make notes in his chart. All of this takes about fifteen minutes from start to finish and Marshall is standing still holding Elizabeth and watching all of this. They can't move and totally forget to call Nico. He is settled back down and appears to be sleeping again. They sit back down but both are staring at him too scared to take their eyes off of him. The nurse explains that this is sometimes normal, but tells them he is still not waking up.

Amanda shows up a little later with the food. She offers to sit with Alex while the others eat. It is a cheese casserole and mixed vegetables. It is the best home cooked meal they have had all week, including the breakfast Nico made this morning. They quietly sat eating and Elizabeth and Marshall decide to head back to the house for the night. She is drained and needs to sleep. They told Nico about the episode and now he refuses to leave for a while. Dani is going to stay in case he needs her.

Elizabeth and Marshall leave the hospital about six. They're going home to sleep and relieve Dani and Nico in the morning. The drive back to the house was relatively quiet. Both were exhausted from what little sleep they got the night before and all the emotional events of the day. Alex needs to keep fighting. He's strong, but this may be too much for his little body. Both of them have been there for him his whole life and they've seen him fight through situations just as hard as this. Neither wants to think about all the times they sat holding his hand in the NICU when he was first born, or all the times after when a small cold would escalate to pneumonia. The first few years of his life were spent fighting Bronchopulmonary Dysplasia. Watching him struggle to breathe today brought back so many memories of him fighting for breath before. It took years for him to outgrow it. Natalia would always hold him and rock him slowly until his breathing became slow and deep. She would sing the same song over and over to him. It was in Italian but it seemed to calm him down.

_Chiuderai gli occhi tuoi  
Sul mio cuor resterai  
Ad aspettar la dolce notte  
Mentre tu dormirai  
Mente tu sognerai  
Accanto a te veglierò  
Con questa ninna nanna  
Ti accarezzerò  
Solo una volta così  
Chiuderai gli occhi tuoi  
E destandoti poi  
Vicino a te mi troverai  
Accanto a te  
Mi troverai_

Elizabeth couldn't count how many times she had fallen asleep to that song as well. She'll have to look up the song for Nico to learn. He used to sing to Natalia so singing to his son shouldn't be a problem. About half way back to the house, finally Marshall speaks up, "Do you need to stop for anything on the way?" She's pulled from her thoughts, she shakes her head no. They finally make it back to the house and are both worn out so they just decide to crash for the night. Marshall takes Gabby for a walk and calls Juliette to talk. It's time to tell her about what happened. She doesn't answer so he leaves a voicemail. He and Gabby get back from their walk and hear Elizabeth taking a shower so he decides to take his and get ready for bed. He's not really sleepy so he plans to watch a movie or a little TV until Juliette calls back.

He's walking back out of Alex's room when he hears a crash. He looks to down the hall and tries to hear where the sound came from. "Lizzy, you ok?" He walks into the living room and looks back to the kitchen area but nothing. He walks back down the hall to Elizabeth's room and gently knocks, "Lizzy, you ok?" He pushes the door open and sees her sitting on the floor beside a picture frame that's shattered. She has blood running down her arm and is staring at her hand. She doesn't move or speak. She's just sitting there staring at the blood. He rushes into the room, "Elizabeth! Hey, are you ok? What happened? He goes into the bathroom and gets a washcloth and comes back out. She hasn't moved and he's not sure if she even hears him.

He kneels down beside her and touches her shoulder, "Hey, let me see that." He reaches for her hand and sees the cut on her palm. She's staring into space. "Lizzy, I need to clean that up. What happened?" She looks over at him when he touches her hand. "Um, I dropped the picture. I'm sorry; I was cleaning it up and I..I…" She begins to sob. He looks down at the picture and then at her. It's a picture of her and Natalia the day they graduated college. "Hey, don't cry, I'll clean this up and get a new frame. It's no big deal." He looks at her hand and the cut is not too deep to need stitches. He checks to see if there's any more glass in her hand and covers the wound with the washcloth. "Let's get this cleaned up ok?" He helps her to her feet and takes her into the bathroom to wash her hand. He gently cleans the wound and locates a first aid kit in the hall closet. He wraps her hand in gauze and the whole time he's working on her hand, she's staring into space and tears are silently falling. He doesn't try to talk to her until he's finished.

"Let's get you settled in the living room and I'll come clean this up." He puts his hand behind her back and guides her to the couch. After getting her a blanket to cover up with, he goes to the kitchen to get the broom and dustpan to clean up the mess. He's worried about her. He knew this was hard on her but up until now, she's seemed ok. He gently takes the picture out of the frame trying not to scratch it. On the back of the photo, Natalia had written her a note_, "We finally made it! Thanks for all your support, and all the sleepless nights of endless laughter. ~May 2000"_ At the bottom was a quote_, "Whatever you are, be a good one. A. Lincoln."_ That was one of her favorite quotes. He finishes cleaning up the mess and walks back into the living room. She's sitting sideways in the middle of the couch and has her knees pulled to her chest and her head bent on her knees. She's crying and doesn't notice him come back.

He sits on the couch behind her and pulls her over onto his lap. She lays her head on his shoulder and he wraps one arm around her waist and the other under her knees. He holds her while she cries.

"I miss her so much."

"Me too."

"I want her back."

"I know."

He holds her and rubs her back until she starts to calm down. Her breathing slows and after a little bit, she's asleep. He turns her a little and lifts her up. She's still sleeping when he lays her down on her bed. Just as he turns to leave, she rolls to her side, "Thanks Marshall." He reaches down and moves the hair out of her face. "Anytime Lizzy, if you need anything else, I'm right next door."

"Ok." She rolls over and drifts back to sleep. He leaves the door open.

He lets Gabby out in the back yard for one last break before bed. He gets a drink of water, locks the front door, lets the dog back in and heads to bed. He walks into the room and sits on the bed. Gabby jumps up on the bed and puts her head on his lap. He rubs her ears, "Hey girl, how are you doing?" She sneezes and shakes her head. He laughs a little and looks around. Alex loves Legos and has a few completed sets on different shelves by the window. Marshall got him the Death Star set a few months ago and he's making pretty good progress on it. He looks up at the train set that is traced along the wall about a foot from the ceiling that he spent six hours putting up so Alex could play conductor. He lies back in the bed and turns the side lamp on for a minute. It recharges the glow in the dark stars that are stuck to the ceiling in the patterns of the constellations. He flips off the light to see the glow that took them almost two weekends to get right. Gabby snuggles up to his side and lays her head across his chest. He absently rubs her back as he falls asleep.

About two hours later a scream jerks him awake and he's out of the bed in an instant. Just as he walks into Elizabeth's room, she throws a lamp across the room and it smashed into pieces against the wall. She's crying and screaming, "How could this happen?" "Damn her!" "Why did she leave us?" She's standing next to the bed with her back to the door. She pulls the blankets off the bed and throws the pillows across the room. Marshall calls her name from the doorway but she doesn't respond. She's still in the middle of her fit. He doesn't want to scare her, but he's afraid she may hurt herself again. He walks up behind her calling her name. She picks up a bottle of water from the nightstand and throws it against the wall. She's crying uncontrollably. He steps behind her and grabs both arms and pulls them into her chest. She starts fighting him and turns to face him. She hits him in the chest and he grabs her and pulls her tight against him. She continues to struggle until she wears herself out. He's holding her tight and rocking her back and forth telling her to calm down. Finally, she's too tired from all of this that her legs start to give out. He bends a little and picks her up from behind her knees and lays her down on the bed. He lies down beside her with her back to his chest. She's crying and whispering, "Why did she have to die?" "She should've fought harder." "She's stronger than that!" "This isn't fair." "Who was that bastard in the other car? Where is he now?" Marshall's worried about her. He knows from past experiences that anger is one of the stages of grief. He left his cellphone in the other room; otherwise, he would've called Dani to come help her. He doesn't want to leave her alone or let go of her. She's already injured herself once tonight and he's not really sure it was an accident, but he isn't going to ask. He just keeps holding onto her until she cries herself back to sleep.

He lays there holding her for about an hour. He's been thinking the same things she has. _Where's the other guy? Did the police arrest him? _He sent a text message yesterday to one of his guys about this, but he hasn't heard back. He's starting to get tired again and is about to move to get up when she turns over and puts her arm across his chest and drapes a leg across him. He's not quite sure what to do here. She seems comfortable and calm so he decides to stay in case she has more problems. He re-adjusts his body and turns onto his back and she moves her head to his chest as well. He can feel a sheet hanging off the bed and he moves his foot to pull it up closer and drapes it over both of them. He hasn't slept with a woman like this in years. Even Gabriella didn't sleep like this. The memory of his first girlfriend comes back and those nights he spent holding her flood his thoughts. He finally drifts off about one am and sleeps soundly until daybreak wakes him around six.

Lizzy's snoring lightly and has drooled a little on his shirt. During the night she adjusted herself and was practically laying across Marshall with half her body over his chest and her right leg draped across both of his. He slept peacefully for the first time in what seems like forever. Like Nico, Marshall also has PTSD but anyone who has lived through what he has, would have the same nightmares he did. He usually takes meds to control the dreams but he forgot to take them before bed. He was glad he didn't jerk in his sleep and wake her up. He gently rubs her back to wake her up.

She slowly stirs and realizes she's not alone in bed. She grips his shirt and freezes. Panic is the first to come to her. He can feel her tense so he whispers, 'Hey, it's me, Marshall. You had a bad night, but you're ok." She sits up still in a panic. She goes to wipe her face and feels the pain from the cut. "Ouch, damn it! What happened?"

He rolls to the opposite side of the bed and stands up, "You cut yourself on a piece of glass from a picture frame."

She looks around, "What happened in here?"

He looks around at the damage from the night before, "You were upset. I came in to calm you down. I laid down with you to make sure you were ok and I must have dozed off. I'm sorry; I shouldn't have slept in here." He carefully steps through the room to leave. There's broken glass on the floor and things all over the place. He feels awkward and wants to get out of there as soon as possible.

Just as he makes it to the door, she looks up at him, "Hey Marshall." He turns back and sees tears in her eyes again. "Thanks for being there last night. I really appreciate it." He nods his head and closes the door behind him. It took everything in him to walk away. He just wanted to walk back in and hold her until she calms down again.

She sits on the bed feeling a little embarrassed. If it were anyone else, she would have completely freaked out that he was in her bed. She thinks about that for a second and then looks around the room at the damage, and shakes her head, and lies back down on the bed.


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N: I am still at home sick, but I did go get meds so I will have more time to write (between naps). I know this chapter doesn't have the letter, but I'm still working on that. This chapter had to keep the flow going, and as you can tell, Marshall is one of my favorite characters.**

Chapter 25

Marshall goes back to Alex's room and sits on the bed. _What was I thinking? I should have left after she fell asleep. _He leans forward on the bed and puts his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands_. I hope I didn't cross a line but I couldn't stand to see her like that. I know what she's going through and didn't want her to hurt herself._ He's lost in thought when she quietly knocks on the door, "Marshall, Um, about last night… I just want to thank you." He stands up to look at her as she opens the door, "Hey, you're welcome. You were upset and I get that. I didn't think you should've been alone and I'm sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable. I really meant to leave but I fell asleep first."

She crosses her arms and leans against the doorframe, "I'm glad you were here and you came to help me. This all sucks so much, I miss both of them." Her voice cracks and he extends his hand for her to come in and sit down. They both sit on the bed and lay back to look at the ceiling. She has tears rolling down her cheek. He looks at her then back up to the shapes above them, "I know how much they meant to you. They were your family." She nods her head, "Yeah, they were closest thing I've ever had to a family. I missed them when they moved here, but I knew it was time to move on. She needed to move up and move pass what happened in California. I needed to stay so I could move on as well, but we talked every day on the phone, by email, facebook and text messages. I could call anytime and ask anything and I knew if I needed her, she would always come. I've never missed someone so much in my life. It physically hurts to miss her." She began sobbing again. Marshall reached down and held her hand, "I know what you mean, and I miss her like crazy."

They laid there for about half an hour without talking. Finally, Marshall's alarm beeped signaling it was time to get up. They both sat up together. She reached over and hugged him, "Thanks again." "Anytime." She left to get ready and he picked up his phone to check his emails or messages. He's waiting on Juliette to call back and he really needs a distraction. Gabby walks in and jumps on the bed and starts licking him in the face, "Hey, stop that. I'm getting up. Do you need to go out?" She jumps off the bed and walks out the door. He finally gets up to go let her out.

He opens the back door for the dog and then heads to the kitchen to start the coffeepot. After setting the brew, he walks back down the hall and pauses when he notices the pictures. This time he really looks at them and notices Dani was right. He never once touched Natalia in all of the pictures. He sees one of him and Elizabeth at the beach the day they went to celebrate Alex's birthday. She's sitting next to him looking past him out into the water; he's looking at the camera. _I wonder what she was thinking_.

He shakes his head and heads back down the hallway to get ready to go. He can hear her cleaning up glass and gently knocks on the door, "Do you need help cleaning up?" She opens the door, "No, I got it, but thanks. I really did a number to this room last night." He nods his head and walks back out.

Twenty minutes later, he's sitting in the kitchen drinking coffee and reading the daily headlines on his iPad. She comes in with a bag of trash and ready to go. He lets Gabby back in and they head for the car. "I figured we would stop on the way for breakfast and take something for Nico and Dani."

Since its Saturday and there's no rush hour traffic, the drive goes by faster than normal. They turn on the radio to kill the silence and neither of them knows what to say. Marshall's flipping through the channels to find something other than the news when a song catches his attention. He's heard it before and it freezes him in his tracks. He pulls into the nearest parking lot to listen. It just started but the lyrics convey everything he's feeling right now toward Elizabeth:

_It's like a storm, that cuts a path  
it breaks your will, It feels like that_

_You think your lost, But you're not lost on your own  
You're not alone, I will stand by you  
I will help you through, When you've done all you can do  
If you can't cope, I will dry your eyes  
I will fight your fight, I will hold you tight  
And I won't let go_

_It hurts my heart, to see you cry  
I know it's dark, This part of life  
Oh it finds us all, And we're too small  
To stop the rain, Oh but when it rains_

_I will stand by you, I will help you through  
When you've done all you can do, and you can't cope  
I will dry your eyes, I will fight your fight  
I will hold you tight_

_And I won't let you fall, don't be afraid to fall  
I'm right here to catch you, I won't let you down  
It won't get you down, You're gonna make it  
Yea I know you can make it_

_Cause I will stand by you, I will help you through  
When you've done all you can do  
And you can't cope, And I will dry your eyes  
I will fight your fight, I will hold you tight  
And I won't let go, Oh I'm gonna hold you  
And I won't let go_

When the song ends, this time it's Marshall with tears in his eyes, "Elizabeth, I know how much pain you're in right now, I really do get it. I'm right there with you. Please know that if you need anything or need to talk, I'm here. I know Dani's the professional here, but I'm here too. You're my friend and I don't want to lose you as well. It's crazy because I've know you as long as I've known Natalia and I didn't realize until last night how much you mean to me as well. I don't want you to hurt yourself because of the pain you're in." He reaches over and picks up her hand, "Please if you need anything, come to me."

She's completely speechless. She nods her head and squeezes his hand. "I know and thanks." That's all she can get out after all of that.

**NOTE: I don't listen to a lot of country music, but someone special sang that to me after my best friend died. It still stops me in my tracks when I hear it on my ipod. It is 'I won't let go' by Rascal Flatts.**


	26. Chapter 26

A?N: After sleeping most of the day and with the help of a friend with editing (the cold is really messing up my thought process), I bring you the letter!

Chapter 26

Nico and Dani had a relatively quiet night with Alexander. He did fidget a little through the night but otherwise his vitals were normal and he continued to hold on. Nurse Karen came in to check on him a few times. She didn't make them leave every time she did her checks, just when she was changing his bandages and diapers. She and another nurse came in once to check the sores on his back from the road rash. She told them both they could stay if they wanted but she wouldn't advise it. Nico stayed but Dani was sure she didn't want to see them. She was standing in the hall for about five minutes when Nico came out a little shaken, "Yeah, I didn't need to see that. I'm glad he's unconscious because I know how much that would hurt."

After that, most of the night was fairly quiet. Nico checked his email through his phone and sent a few suggestions to Xeno for the weekly schedule. Training Camp will be starting up soon and background checks and other security details will need to be implemented. Not to mention hiring more people for the summer and fall sessions. He has a list of usual guys but sometimes during the off season, they find better jobs so he can't always get the same people. Dani found a book in one of the waiting rooms to occupy her time. Every once in a while she would find something funny in the book and laugh out loud. Nico found it amusing and would look over at her and raise his eyebrows in question. She never went into detail because she would have to explain half the story line but he still couldn't help but wonder what was so funny. He didn't tell her but her laugh was calming, it made him feel things would somehow return to normal.

It was about eight when Marshall and Elizabeth arrived back at the room. They both looked upset and Dani couldn't get a read as to what was going on. Elizabeth went in to see Alex. Dani decided Nico needed some time with Elizabeth so she left to join Marshall in the waiting room. She approached Marshall who was busy going through the bags of food looking for a napkin.

"Good Morning?"

He stopped and looked over at her, "Uhh, sure."

She put a hand on his shoulder and made him stop moving. "Are you ok?"

He turned to face her and let out a sigh, "Yes I think so, Lizzy had a bad night and I was up late helping her. That was fine, but on the way here a song came on the radio and…." He turned away from Dani. She stood waiting for him to continue. He turned back to her, "Why does music have such an impact on emotions?"

She thinks for a minute, "I don't know, but I can look it up. I do know that certain music can stimulate a dopamine response in the brain and cause the person to have a physical response like getting chills, but an emotional attachment to the lyrics of a song, I'm not sure. What song was it?"

"Never mind, it's not important. I am fine, really." He goes back to looking through the bags. She isn't going to push him, but she knows something is going on.

Nico comes out a few minutes later. "You ready to go?" Dani nods her head and reaches for her purse. He looks over to Marshall, "Is Elizabeth ok? She looks really tired."

Marshall nods his head, "She had a really bad night, but I think she's going to be ok. She and I talked this morning and she seems better. She finally got to sleep last night so I'm sure she is feeling better today."

Nico nods his head, "Call if you need anything."

When they get to the car, Nico says to Dani. "I think Marshall had a bad night too, but he'll tell us when he's ready." Dani and Nico get in the car to leave. When Nico starts the car, the radio is loud playing a Taylor Swift song. Nico looks at the radio, and then back at Dani, "Is it ok if I turn that off? I don't care if she's never, ever, ever getting back together with him." Dani laughs and turns the radio off.

They make it back to the house and both of them are too tired to think. They quietly walk through the house to their rooms and get ready for bed. Dani takes a shower and checks her phone one last time before dozing off.

Nico gets out of the shower and lies across the bed looking around. He's tired but also wide awake. This room is so comfortable to him. He just wishes Natalia was here to share it with him. He's looking around at the pictures and all of her things. She has a few books on the nightstand and her vanity in the corner has all the "face paint" as he used to call it. He would tell her all the time that she was prettier without it, but he also loved to see her in it as well. Her perfume was sitting on the top of her jewelry box. He walks over and picks up the bottle. He remembers buying her two bottles of it for her first birthday they were dating because he couldn't think of anything else to get her. He removes the top and inhales the scent. The smell floods his mind with memories of different events, of their past, of her. He replaces the top and sets the bottle back down. He picks up a necklace made with shells and random beads. It looks handmade possibly by a child. Maybe Alexander made it for her. He looks at some of the pictures stuck to the mirror. One is of Alexander and the puppy playing in the grass. He has the biggest smile on his face. He has her deep blue eyes and brown curly hair. He's also missing his two front teeth. The puppy is licking him on the face and Alexander is laughing. It makes Nico smile to see him like that.

He turns to look around some more and notices his jacket draped across the chair in the corner. The white envelope is sticking out of his inside pocket. He walks over to the chair and pulls the letter from his pocket. He holds the envelope in his hand for a minute trying to convince himself to read it. Walking slowly over to the bed he can't take his eyes off of her hand writing. He lies down and absent mindedly pulls the teddy bears out from behind the pillow; tucks it under his arm, carefully holds the envelope and runs his finger behind the seam.

He opens the pages and begins to read:

_My Dearest Nico, _

_If you are reading this letter, then it means two things, one-I'm not there and two-we never spoke face to face. I firmly believe that if you want to see eye to eye on an issue, then you need to speak face to face. I'm truly sorry you are sitting here reading this without me there to hear your side. Your side was always important to me, but here is my side. You can be angry, upset and sad and all of that is ok, but eventually, I want you to be happy. Please get back to happy._

_There are so many things I want to tell you. The first being how much I love you and how much you mean to me. You changed my life for the best and you gave me the best thing I could have ever hoped for, unconditional love. We had our days when we would fight, but we both knew what we were fighting for and in the end, the important things always won out. I want you to know that I never gave up fighting for you. You were the one thing that remained constant for me. Even when we were not together, I kept that constant. _

_Next, I really need to explain my reasoning behind why I never told you about Alexander. I never told you, because I didn't want you to come back if YOU weren't ready. I know I wrote you a letter every month, but as sure as I am sitting here writing this letter, I know you never read any of them. I'm very certain that you would've come the moment you read the first one. I also know that you would not read them until you were ready. I wanted you to come home because you were ready to face me and what happened; not out of some misguided feeling of responsibility. I believe the biggest fear that you have; is that it will happen again. I am so sure that if you knew I was pregnant, that you would come even if you were not ready. I didn't want that. You can be mad at me for making that decision. I know it was probably selfish but I felt that if you came back before this, then it would've been a bad situation. _

_There are a few things I want to tell you about me and how I have really been. I have sent you countless letters and countless videos but they have all had the good stuff. I wanted you to know that I was not broken and not going to give up because you were not there. The truth is I wanted to so badly. The first few days in the hospital after you were gone, I wanted to give up. If you were not there, I didn't want to live, but I had to. I didn't want to move, but I had to. The first few days home from the hospital, I thought I was going to go insane. I was in so much physical pain, but the emotional pain was overwhelming. It took a lot of time and effort for me to move around from the broken and bruised ribs and the broken arm. I would walk around the house in a haze. The pain medicine took the edge off, but did nothing for my heart. It took a long time for me to go back into our bedroom. Most nights, I slept on the couch, but even that was hard because of all of the memories of us laying around on lazy Saturdays. Everything smelled like you, looked like you and felt like you. _

_Marshall and Lizzy saved me. Marshall made sure that the holes in the walls were fixed and the blood was gone before I came home, and Elizabeth made sure everything looked good, but neither could fix how I felt about that place. It was our home, but it didn't feel like home without you. They both took turns staying with me for the first few weeks. They would sit up talking with me and telling me everything was going to be fine. They would wake me from my nightmares and hold me until I calmed down. They were the reason I made it through. _

_Both of them wanted to tell you about the baby so badly. They both were so sure you would come back, and they were both right, you would have. But I don't think it would have been better. If you would have come home then, it would not have been for me or us. It would have been for the baby. I think that would've torn us apart. I wanted to give you time to deal with the issue and work on yourself. I also think that at that time, I wouldn't have trusted you and that wouldn't have helped either of us. I was angry at you for leaving. I know it wasn't your fault what happened, but when I needed you the most, you weren't there. You just left like a coward. Every time I called, you ignored me and when I wrote, you ignored me. I thought that meant you didn't want me or love me anymore. I needed you to stay gone but it took a while for me to realize that._

_I never lied to you. Those letters I mailed to you were the good truth, in my closet; I have books of the bad truth. Writing has always been my outlet and I would sit and write for hours at a time. I would also cry and scream and throw things. I am happy you never saw those times and that is why I needed you to be gone. I know the pregnancy hormones added to my tantrums and so did the fear of raising a child._

_About three months after you left, I woke up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom. I couldn't go back to sleep and I laid on the couch thinking. That was the first time I felt the baby move. That was the moment everything became real for me. You could say it was the kick I needed to get me back on my feet. The physical pain was all gone and the emotional scars were starting to heal. That was the night I decided I am going to be happy again. I started looking for happy things. I started a journal and I carried it with me everywhere. I wanted to write down all of my happy things. This was a long process. The first few entries were hard. I was so depressed that I had a hard time finding something to be happy about. Seriously, my first entry was an orange. I was happy that my orange was easy to peel and it didn't have seeds. The next few things were: 'I am happy it didn't rain today' and 'I am happy I remembered where I left my keys'. It was a long road back to happy, but I made it. These journals are in my closet as well. _

_I truly want you to make it there. So, now that I'm not there for you to come home to; I want you to move on with your life. I want you to find someone to love and someone who loves you. You have amazing passion and I want you to find someone to share that with. I never looked for someone else to fill that gap in my life because I was waiting for you. The harsh reality for you is I'm never coming back. If you are reading this, then I am never coming home. I want you to find someone to come home to. I miss your love, laugh, touch, taste and smell. You filled me completely and I never wanted anyone else. I want you to show your son how to truly love a woman. He will follow your example. This world needs more men like you. You need to train him to be a good man and a great husband. You have a beautiful soul and I hope there's someone out there who can appreciate the secrets of your heart. You may have a hard time with this, but I truly want you to find peace of mind and a love that will keep you safe from yourself. _

_When Alex was two, one of his favorite books was Winnie the Pooh. There was a quote that I read one night, it stuck with me and I want to pass it to you, "If there's ever a tomorrow when we're not together, there's something you must remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think, but the most important thing is, even if we're apart, I'll always be with you." ~ Christopher Robin _

_Nico, I will love you forever. L'amore non finsce mai._

He lays there unable to move. So many emotions are flooding through him. He starts sobbing, the physical pain of her loss is too much. Soon his body gives into the exhaustion and he passes out holding on her teddy bear for dear life.


	27. Chapter 27

A/N: This week is kicking my butt! New meds, one funny story later and I am feeling a little better. Thanks to some people taking care of me and keeping me sane.

Chapter 27

Nico slept soundly for almost three hours. He woke up naturally from the smell of the blankets and the feel of the room; his body physically worn out from the events of the past few days. Lying in bed his mind begins to race and no matter how much he tries to control the thoughts they just seem to attack. _When I left, I thought it was for the best to stay away. Why didn't I call her? I wanted to so many times. She was right there in the letters. My biggest fear was this happening again. Oh God, what if it does? What if I do something to Alexander? How am I going to take care of him? I can't do this! I don't have a choice._ He rolls over to the side of the bed and sits up, lying there isn't helping. _What am I going to do? _He hears noises coming from another side of the house._ Time to start_. Dani is in the kitchen filling Gabby's water bowl. When she turns around she sees Nico standing in the doorway.

He startles her the way he usually does, but today she doesn't find it even a little funny. Turning to Gabby she asks, "Why didn't you tell me he was here? Some guard dog you are, letting him sneak up on us like that." Gabby just wags her tail and waits for Dani to put the water bowl down.

Dani looks over at Nico, his face is puffy but she doesn't let him know she notices, "Sorry if I woke you, Gabby came to tell me she was hungry and I have trouble sleeping during the day anyway. I can take naps, but usually only for a few hours. How did you sleep?"

He stretches his arms and walks over to start the coffee pot, "I slept ok for a few hours, I usually don't sleep but a few hours a night anyway." She squints at him, "You do know that is unhealthy, right?" He nods his head, "Yes and please don't lecture me about it. My body is used to that now and anytime I try sleeping longer, I end up laying there wide awake anyway." He moves over to the refrigerator to look for food. He opens the door and looks inside, "We need to go shopping."

"Yeah, I saw that earlier and thought maybe after you got up, but since you're up now, when do you want to go? "

Looking at the clock he realizes it is almost lunch time, "We can grab lunch first and then stop by the store on the way back and maybe get in another nap before we head back to the hospital. Is that ok? Do you need to go anywhere else?"

"That sounds like a plan; I just need to get dressed. I'll let Gabby out into the back yard while I get ready." Dani had thought about calling the kids again, but that could wait.

Nico walks back to his room to get dressed, as he reaches for his jacket the card that Jacob gave him falls out of the pocket. He reaches for the card and sits heavily onto the bed. Staring at it again he wonders if Dani would mind making one stop before lunch.

Waiting in the living room for Dani he begins to really look at the pictures. _God she was right_. In every picture, Marshall is either touching Elizabeth or Alexander. He picks up one picture of Marshall and Elizabeth pushing Alexander on a tire swing. If anyone else were looking at this picture and didn't know any better, they would think this was a happy family.

Dani quietly walks into the room and sits on the couch, "You alright?" He nods his head and places the picture back in its spot. "You were right about the pictures. Marshall didn't look at Natalia the way I thought he did, but I do wonder how long he has had feelings for Elizabeth?" Dani was tying her shoes and stops to look over at him, "What do you mean? I thought they were just friends?" Nico looks back at her, "I did too, but looking at these pictures from your point of view, I see something different." Dani walks over to Nico and looks at a few of the pictures and can see what Nico is talking about. Dani laughs to herself, shakes her head and walks toward the door. Nico looks back at her, "What's so funny?

Dani looks down at her hand, "Marshall picked the wrong woman to pretend to be his wife." Nico smiles as he follows her out of the house.

In the car, Nico looks over at Dani, "Do you mind if we stop somewhere on the way?"

"No that's fine, what's up?"

He hands her the card and she reads the information. She nods her head and knows this is something he needs to do before the actual funeral service. She returns the card and he dials the number see if he can come now. After getting directions from the funeral director, the rest of the ride is quiet. Dani never takes her eyes off of Nico; she's worried but doesn't want to tell him.

They arrive at their destination about twenty minutes later. When Nico stops the cars, he turns off the engine, and sits quietly for a minute. Dani reaches over for his hand, "I know you need to do this, but are you ok? Do you want me to come with you?" Nico already has tears in his eyes. He looks down at the steering wheel and his voice cracks. "I've lost a lot of friends in the past and a lot of good men that I served with. You would think I would be good at this by now. There was so much I wanted to say to her, so much I needed her to hear and now it's too late… I think I will be ok on my own, but if I'm not out in 15 minutes, come check on me." He finally looks Dani in the eye and she sees in him something she never has before, fear.

Dani does accompany Nico into the building, it's beautiful. There'a an antique grandfather clock on one side of the entry way and a large saltwater tank filled with brightly colored fish on the other. The funeral director comes out of her office and greets them. "Mr. Careles I'm so sorry for your loss. She is in this room if you would like to see her." Dani goes over to the fish tank to give them some privacy, but she listens to everything that is said.

The funeral director leads Nico to two large oak doors she tells him to take all of the time he needs, she will be in her office if he wants anything. Nico puts his hand on the handle but can't quite turn it, he turns back to Dani but she is looking at the fish. _I have to do this, I owe her that much. How do I do this?_

The room is large and her casket sits at the far end. It's pink and white, her favorite colors and he can see the slight outline of her face and hair; he can taste the adrenaline. _This can't be real. I was supposed to go first_. The words from her letter ring in his ears,_ I'm never coming back. _He slowly walks to the casket and through tears looks down at her. He reaches down and tucks some of her hair behind her ear careful not to touch her skin.

He was always stunned by her beauty, he still is. She's so still and so quiet. He leans down and kisses her on the top of her head. He always did that. She was just short enough and it became their special connection. Gazing at her he whispers, "Hey baby, I got your letters, all of them. I just want you to know I love you. I will always love. You have done an amazing job raising Alexander. I don't know how you did it. I wish I could turn back the clock and change all of this. I wish I could take your place. He needs you more than he needs me. I am sorry about everything. I am sorry you didn't get to hear my side, but to be honest; I was selfish for all of that. I thought that if I stayed gone, and never called, you would move on. You deserved so much more. I wanted you to be happy but most importantly I wanted you to be safe. I couldn't guarantee your safety if I was there. But please know I never stopped loving you. I thought about you every day I was gone. I never once thought about any other woman. I don't know if I could ever love someone like I love you. I promise to read every letter you sent."

He remembers back to the day he met her, she hit his car in the parking lot of the gym. He always picked on her about her driving and if they ever went anywhere together he would always drive and tell her he wanted to make it there in one piece. He thinks back to the day he proposed. He lost the ring twice in his pocket that day and dropped it when he knelt down to ask her. The thinks back to the day they were married on the beach. It began to rain during their reception and she said the heavens were rejoicing. He couldn't take his eyes off of her. He felt like the luckiest man alive to be married to her. Everyone ran for cover but they stayed and danced in the rain. He was thinking about the song and started to sing out loud to her.

_When I fall in love it will be forever  
Or I'll never fall in love  
In a restless world like this is  
Love is ended before it's begun  
And too many moonlight kisses  
Seem to cool in the warmth of the sun_

_When I give my heart it will be completely  
Or I'll never give my heart  
And the moment I can feel that you feel that way_ _too  
Is when I fall in love with you._

He was singing to Natalia and didn't notice Dani come in. She didn't want to interrupt him and he seemed ok, but she couldn't take her eyes off of the scene. His voice was beautiful and the emotions behind every word went straight to her heart. She sat in one of the chairs at the back of the room and just listened. She watched him place his hands on his wife's, his voice catching as he sang. Tears filled Dani's eyes and she began feeling like she was invading his privacy. About the time she stood up to leave, he fell to his knees crying.

Dani rushed to his side, she had been waiting for this, it was normal, it was healthy, but it was breaking her heart. She knelt down beside him and wrapped her arms around him rocking him slowly. He held on to her and cried, "She is so cold, she was never cold. Natalia was always warm and soft and now…. I can't do this … I can't do this… Make it stop!"

Dani knew that she could no longer be a therapist, not with Nico. He needed a friend. "I'm here, I'm not going anywhere I promise. We'll get through this together. I'm here." She continued to whisper this and gently rock him back and forth.

After a few minutes Dani noticed the funeral director open the door, she brought in water and tissues and quickly left them alone. Nico never noticed. It took about twenty minutes before he was calm enough to stand. Dani kept an arm around him as she led him out of the room and toward the car. Walking back to the car she got his keys, there was no way she was letting him behind the wheel of a car. Quietly they pulled out of the parking lot each lost in their own thoughts.


	28. Chapter 28

Author's Note: I do apologize for not posting this sooner. I was sick and then life got in the way. I will work on the next few chapters soon.

Chapter 28

Marshall and Elizabeth haven't said much to each other since arriving earlier that morning. After everything that happened the night before neither one of them seems to know what to say. Elizabeth has been sitting next to Alex holding his hand and talking to him for most of the morning. She's just telling random stories, trying to keep herself calm. She doesn't know what's going on with Marshall. The song from the car plays over in her head a few times, but she doesn't remember all the words, just the meaning. Thinking back to all the times they spent together with Alex and Natalia; they were friends from the beginning. He's the only man she knows that would show up out of the blue to check on her. It's never sexual and he's always genuine with his offers to help. He doesn't flaunt his money and if they need help around the house, he's always there. He has tried to fix a few things around the house but mostly it would end with him hiring someone to come fix, not only the original problem, but all the other problems he would cause. It is sweet though that he was there.

With all this going on, he has to be in pain. She has known him for over eight years and the only time she sees him happy is when he's with these two people. She sees him on Sports Talk and different ESPN programs talking about his various teams and business ventures but he was all business. She did notice that on television, his eyes are cold and he shuts off all emotions, but when he comes to visit, it's like his soul is renewed. This may not be his wife and child, but they are his family.

Elizabeth keeps thinking about one night a few years ago when he stopped by but Natalia was out of town on business. He was going to be in town for a few days and wanted to spend some time with Alex. He asked to take them out to dinner and since Elizabeth had worked all day, she was ok with that. They didn't go anywhere fancy, just a small quiet restaurant in town. She remembers he always opens doors and holds chair for any lady he's with. The waitress made a comment about how nice their family looks and they both politely smile but neither of them corrects her.

That's the night she asked him about his family. He said he and his wife had a close relationship at first, but seemed to drift apart over the years. She asked if he loves her. He replied that he loves her but he isn't in love with her. They mutually decided the relationship was open but neither wanted to divorce. He's sure she has another man in her life, but doesn't know who. He never wants to know. He knows how much that would hurt. Gabrielle told him about one of her past lovers. She always enjoys hurting him, plunging the knife in. This time she got to twist it. He loves Nico, he loved him then, Gabby knew that. What better way to destroy Marshall, sleep with his best friend and then have a child, Juliette. Marshall knows Nico may be her father, but does it really matter. He loves her, unconditionally loves her. He never ran a paternity test. He thought about it, sent the samples away; but called the lab and cancelled the test. Juliette is his, his and Gabby's. No, she is his and his alone; he's the only one of them that truly loves her.

Elizabeth asked him if he is in love with Natalia. He sat and thought about it for a minute; "I love her like my sister." Being an only child she doesn't understand sibling relationships. He told her he loves her enough to always be there if she needs, but he isn't in love with her.

Elizabeth is pulled from her thoughts when Marshall's phone rings. He's sleeping and is jerked awake almost falling out of his chair. He drops the phone and Elizabeth reaches down to pick it up for him. She notices the caller id reads Juliette. She hands him the phone; he walks out of the room to take the call. Elizabeth remembers how much Juliette loves Natalia and decides she doesn't want to hear that conversation.

Marshall walks down to the empty waiting room. He sinks down in to a chair in the corner and explains to Juliette what is going on. He tries to calm her over the phone and makes arrangements for her to come for the service tomorrow. He will pick her up from the airport later that evening so she can rest and get ready for the service. She asks about Alex but he says he would tell her more when she gets there. Alex is stable and in the hospital and he will bring her to see him.

After he hangs up the phone, he sits there quietly collecting his thoughts. He sends a few text messages to his travel assistant informing he needs Juliette on the next flight and calls one of his drivers to pick her up.

Natalia is the first woman to take Juliette seriously and she spent time with her to make sure she knew someone cared. He remembers sitting at the hospital one night when Natalia asked him about his family. They were sitting with Alex during one of his breathing episodes. She was holding one hand and Marshall was holding his other. She looked over and asked him why he's there for them so much when he has a family of his own. He never took his eyes off of Alex when he answered. He loves his family but they aren't close. He made mistakes and said things that hurt them. He doesn't think there is anything he can do to fix it.

Dani pulls out of the parking lot and starts to drive back to the house. Nico continues to look out of the window saying nothing. The drive home was completely silent, but Dani notices Nico's hands never stopped shaking. He's trying so hard to pull himself together, but he isn't quite succeeding.

When they pull up to the house, Dani turns the engine off and looks at him. His eyes never leave whatever he is seeing outside of the window. "Nico, let's go inside…..Nico do you hear me? Let's go." He doesn't say a word just turns and looks at her. His eyes are still red, but there was something behind them. He looks so lost. Taking his hand "Come on, we need to go in."

Nico gets out of the car slowly and leans back against the car. He really looks around the yard and at the front of the house. _What was she thinking the last time she left the house? Did she wish I was here? Why did I stay away so long? _ He follows Dani into the house without a word and sit on the couch. He can't look at her so he stared at his folded hands. _I can't do this!_

Dani goes into the kitchen and suddenly remembers why they had gone out in the first place. There's absolutely no food in the house. _Shit! _She looks into the living room. She can't leave him, not now. "Nico, I have to make a call, but I'll be right in." Dialing Marshall proves a little difficult; she realizes she never asked for his number. Scrolling down she finally finds it from when he called her earlier that week. "Marshall, it's Dani. No everything's ok, but we went by the funeral home and…No, he'll be fine but we never got the groceries and I don't think he's in any shape to be shopping….No I really think I should stay with him. Could you pick up some things…? The usual, milk, bread, eggs, you know just a basic shopping trip, I can text you a list if needed…. Oh and could you get Nico's suit cleaned for the funeral I don't think he brought another one and his is well, let's just say it needs a cleaning….Thanks."

Checking on Nico she notices he hasn't moved; he is still in shock. Looking around the kitchen she notices some bottles, one has a metal stag head on the front. _This looks good. _She pours some of the scotch into a glass and goes into Nico.

Handing him the glass she kneels in front of him trying to catch his eye. "Nico talk to me… Please say something."

Then it all comes out, the anger, the fear, the self-loathing. "WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY? WHAT DO YOU WANT TO HEAR! WHAT SHOULD I TELL YOU?" Then the tears start again. _Damn it when will they stop? _"I'm sorry you don't deserve that. It's not you. I just,… what do you want me to tell you Dani?"

"Tell me everything you don't want to tell me. Everything you never wanted other people to know. I'm here and I am not going anywhere. I've heard it all Nico, trust me you aren't going to lose me. I'm your friend and I am never leaving, promise."

"Don't promise that. You can't promise that." he whispers. No one keeps their promises, not in the end.

He stares her in the eye, trying to read her. All he can see is caring and love. Natalia would have loved her, they are so much alike. Then he starts to talk. He wants to tell her things, but how can he. "Dani, I've never told anyone about the war….


	29. Chapter 29

"Dani, I've never told anyone about the war. I did things, we did things… my dad was in the Navy and his dad before him, kind of a family thing. He was killed in Vietnam. My parents were very young and my mom couldn't care for me so she gave me up to my grandparents. My grandfather was a Senior Chief in the Navy and served during the World War II. When I decided to serve as well, his advice was to go the officer route. He and Nonna were so proud when I got my acceptance letter to the Academy. I don't think I have ever made them more proud. I'm just glad they never knew where it would take me."

"I met Marshall in the Academy. I think he was there more to make a path for himself than anything else. Marshall comes from money and he wanted to be his own man, not just Joseph Pitman's son. After graduation we both became Surface Warfare Officers but, I knew I wanted the SEALS. Marshall and I were very competitive so if I was going to try for the SEALS so was he. Well we both got placement. It wasn't long after that the Gulf War broke out. My specialty was wet works and Marshall was a sniper."

Dani looks at him a little puzzled. "What is wet works? Did you do most of your stuff in the water?"

Nico smirks, gets up and starts to pace. He takes a long sip of the scotch, "No, it means I killed people up close and personal. I could get into a structure and take out the insurgents without anyone even knowing I was there. I was good at it Dani, really good. What's more is that I liked it. I took pride in being able to snap a neck quickly, or slit a throat without the person ever making a sound. I liked the smell of the sulfur and blood; I was young and stupid. Do you still want to know everything?" He waits for the response, but anticipates the answer.

She straightened up and looked him in the eyes, "Tell me everything. I'm not going anywhere. You say I'm your friend so I can handle the person you were. Remember, it made you into the person you are today, the one I care about. It'll take a lot more than this to shock me."

Not the response he was expecting, _Thank God_. "Most of the men were enlisted, Marshall and I were lieutenants. God we were so young. We had been engaged in one extrication after another for about three months when the bomb went off." He needs more of the scotch, maybe the rest of the bottle, but for now the rest of the glass would have to do. Nico never stops pacing and still can't look her in the eye. _I don't want to see hate or fear in her. Please, I can't take that._

"It was early morning when we got the orders. My team was to go into several homes and eliminate anyone in there. Marshall and his spotter were to take position and be our support. We never made it to the village. Dani, I don't really remember anything after we left the camp that morning. The only thing I can remember is their screams. Marshall was a few trucks back and saw the whole thing. There was a road side bomb that went off and took out the Humvee behind mine. All of my men were trapped inside. He says I tried to open their door, but there was a second explosion. It blew me clear but everyone else was killed. My next memory was waking up in the hospital. Part of me wants to remember everything, but part of me doesn't."

Dani listens not showing him any of the emotions she is feeling. Her mind is racing, but she still takes in every word he says. "It is normal to not remember anything surrounding a trauma. You may never remember, but if you ever decide you really want to we can work on it."

"Thanks, I'll think about it. Do you want anything to drink? I'm going for a refill." Dani shakes her head no. She knows there's a lot more and she needs to be clear headed if she is going to help. It doesn't take long and he is back; he continues to pace.

"I thought I was going to die. No I wished I would die. Have you ever felt that kind of pain? For weeks I just prayed, not to get better but to die. The burns were so bad I thought I was going insane. When they told me all of my men died …All I could think was 'why am I still here?' God must hate me. Look at what I've done, all of the people I killed. Not just killed but took pleasure in killing. They weren't people to me; they were obstacles to be eliminated. Now God was punishing me. He took everything and left me to feel all of their pain. It took months for me to recover. I was shipped state side when I was stabilized and my grandparents came almost every day I was in Bethesda. I found out later that Marshall took care of the money. He paid for their apartment and paid the bills on their house back home. He was the only friend I had and I never knew how much he loved me until then Man did I screw that up. I guess I screw everything up eventually."

Tears are running down his face but she can tell he doesn't notice. "What happened after you got out?"

"I spent months talking to psychiatrists and going to Physical Therapy. The PT helped, the shrinks didn't. They all wanted to know was how I felt. HOW DID THEY THINK I FELT! …Sorry. I just couldn't talk about it anymore; at least not to people who were more interested in using me for a thesis study than helping me. One day I just had enough and stopped going"

"When did the nightmares start?"

"I don't know. Probably after I was off the pain meds, but really I don't know. They did put me on drugs for them but they only helped to a point. I just stopped sleeping. If you don't sleep then you don't have nightmares. Eventually your body forces you to sleep and then it becomes worse. I started sleep walking and destroying things in my sleep. Marshall insisted I see another doctor. He got me on the right meds, my sleep patterns changed and the nightmares seemed to stop." He stops talking. He doesn't know what to say, and he still can't look her in the eye. Not yet.

"Some good things happened. Marshall got married and I was the best man. They were happy at first, but her greed and his need for control took over. I don't know if he needed control or just control over her. One day she came to me. I could say I don't know how it happened but that would be a lie. Gabrielle began to hate Marshall and I had hated myself for years. So the affair is just another thing to add to my list of things that I have destroyed or ruined. She wanted to hurt Marshall and I wanted to hurt myself. God, Dani how could I have done that to him? He cared about me, and in trying to destroy myself I hurt him. Why is he still here? Why does he give a damn about me?"

He finally sits down on the couch and looks at the floor and begins sobbing. This is more than Dani had bargained for but it is exactly what he needs. This talk needs to be over, he needs time to rest and regroup. She sits next to him and holds him. "Nico, come with me." She guides his face to look at her. It is the first time he has since this began. Now he wants to see hatred or at least contempt in her eyes. He wants her to mirror what he feels about himself; but all he can see is love and understanding. The tears are coming faster now. Dani helps him up and walks him back to the bedroom. She helps him take off his clothes and gets him under the covers. He can't keep his eyes open but tries to fights the sensation. "Close your eyes, I'll be here when you wake up. Sshhhh, just relax." Dani kneels next to the bed and strokes his hair until he drifts off to sleep. He reminds her of a little boy, broken and scared.

It doesn't take long before his breathing changes and he's asleep. Dani gets up quietly and leaves the room. She thinks about leaving the door open but doesn't want to disturb him, so she gently closes it until she hears the latch click. She needs time to think and he needs time to rest, she also needs to write down the schedule for the weekend.

The viewings and Derek's funeral are scheduled for Sunday, but no one has mentioned times. Looking around the living room and the kitchen she suddenly realizes the funeral home's business card is in Nico's pants, and the pants are in the bedroom. Her phone is charging and she has been having problems with her connection anyway. _Laptop, where is the laptop? Damn, it's in the bedroom too!_ Looking around the living room she notices the phone book on the book shelf_. All I have to do is look for the right one._ How hard can it be? How many funeral homes and cemeteries can there be in this area? _You have to be kidding!_ There is page after page of funeral homes, cemeteries, and crematoriums.

Dani remembers the place has an uncommon name and is on a street with a man's name. _I can figure this out. _Dani quickly eliminates the one funeral home that offers "Customer Appreciation Specials" and also the cemetery that offers 'two plots for the price of one' special. _This is unbelievable! _ Finally, she finds one on Jason Street. Hoping this is correct Dani picks up her phone to call when she hears scream coming from the bedroom.

Bursting through the bedroom door Dani realizes how stupid this is, but she doesn't care. Luckily by the time she gets there Nico has woken up. He's sitting up in bed sweaty and shaking. "Nico, are you ok?" He looks at her but his eyes are not their usual color, they are coal black. She can see the vein on the side of his neck pulsing and she isn't sure how much of what is going on around him he actually sees.

"Dani?" Ok, good he knows her and where he is. Dani enters the room and sits on the side of the bed closest to him. "I feel like I am going insane. Tell me…, you're a psychologist, is this ever going to end?"

"Do you remember the dream?" Nico slowly nods his head but his body language becomes even more closed. Dani reaches over and loosens his hands from around his knees. She keeps her eyes locked on his, she isn't about to let him shut her out. "Tell me what happened. " She doesn't ask if he wants to talk about it, she isn't giving him that out. Not this time, this is too important.

"We are lying in bed talking and laughing. She looks so incredibly beautiful." Dani assumes he means Natalia but doesn't want to ask. She's afraid he will stop talking. "We started to make love. You know the slow kind where you feel everything. I was taking her top off and as I removed it my hands felt wet. Dani there was blood all over them." His voice goes from shaky to half sobs but he keeps going. "When I finally get the top off she has been beaten bloody. There's so much blood, I can smell it and taste it. She looks me directly in the eye. She has such beautiful blue eyes. 'Why did you do this? Why did you kill me?' I keep trying to stop the blood but I can't and her eyes turn white. I CAN'T STOP IT DANI, I CAN'T!"

Dani recognizes the panic attack before it can escalate. "Nico, I need you to listen to me. Breathe slowly, in through the nose and out through the mouth. Take a breath, one, two, three, four. Now breathe out, one, two, three, four." She does this with him three more times. He's starting to calm, starting to realize it really was a dream. "Tell me why you think you are responsible for her death."

"I don't know. Am I? I wasn't here for her. If I had been here would she have been in that car? Maybe I would have driving and this never would have happened. Alex would be ok and Natalia would still be here…. Marshall was right, he was right about me."

"What do you mean he was right about you?"

"He said I wasn't good enough for Natalia. I did nothing to deserve a woman like her. I don't know if he was joking, but he was right. She was everything I could never be and she deserved better than me. "

"From what I have seen you didn't just love her, you adored her. You still do. You aren't responsible for any of this. Sometimes bad things happen, and there's no one to blame. I know it would be easier if there was a bad guy to blame, but there isn't. In this situation, blame the other driver. He's the one that ran the light. Nico, you can't make yourself that person just because it would give you somewhere to focus your anger."

She leans forward taking him into her arms. He starts to cry. He knows he didn't do this, but he hates himself anyway. He wants her back; he wants Alex to have his mom. He can't fix any of this. Helplessness is a new sensation for him and he doesn't like it. "Enough! I just want to stop crying. It isn't helping and it sure as hell isn't going to bring her back. What is the point?"

Dani moves back just enough to look into his eyes. "We cry when there's nothing else we can do. These past few days have been filled with things we can't change or fix. You will stop eventually, but for now just let yourself feel this. I'm not going to break so lean on me. Trust me, I won't break and what you say to me will stay between us. You need to grieve and it will take time but that is why you have friends who love you. We are here for you."

"I'm afraid to go to sleep. What if I hurt someone again?"

"You need to sleep. If you don't then you really may hurt someone again. This is a night terror; it isn't the same as before. You woke up and you didn't hurt me. Are you still taking your meds?" Nico nods his head yes. "Good, don't stop taking them. If you come back to New York I want you to start seeing a friend of mine. He's an excellent psychologist. He can help you work through your past and also what is going on now. Medication can help, but therapy is a necessary step if you want to move past this and be able to help Alexander."

"If I'm going to go into therapy then I want you as my doctor."

"Nico, I can't be that for you. I care too much and can't be objective. You're my friend and I love you, which can cause me to miss things. No, he will be a better therapist for you."

"Can we talk about this later?"

"We don't have to deal with this right away, but we will deal with it. Maybe in a couple of weeks you can meet him."

"Thank you Dani, not just for the referral, but for being here. I don't know why anyone would love me, but I thank God you do. I don't know how I would get through this without you, Marshall and Elizabeth"

"Nico, I need you to rest. You aren't going to be any good if you don't get some sleep."

Nico lies down. "Dani, can you do me a favor. Feel free to say no if you don't think it would be ok."

She looks at him, he still looks so scared. "What do you need?"

"Can you stay with me? You don't have to, but… I just don't want to be alone."

Dani could tell he didn't mean anything by it. There was no ulterior motive, he just needed human contact. She takes off her shoes, "Move over." Climbing under the covers she puts her arm around him and allows him to fall asleep using her as a security blanket. No, she definitely could not maintain her professional detachment when it came to him.


	30. Chapter 30

This is just a little comic relief from the heavy story line...

Chapter 30

Marshall heads back to Elizabeth and Alex. He walks in and sees her with her head down asleep on the bed. He quietly sits back down and looks over at them. He starts to wonder why she never dated. She's smart, sexy, honest, patient and funny. She was always there when Natalia and Alex needed them. She's amazing. He shakes his head to clear those thoughts when his phone rings again. He jumps again and tries to stop the sound before it wakes her up. He drops the phone again and she reaches down to get it. This time the caller is Dr. Santino. She needs him to go grocery shopping and get Nico's suit cleaned. He can do this. This time, Elizabeth heard his side of the conversation and from what she could tell, Nico is having a bad day. She understands that.

He hangs up the phone and looks down at the floor for a minute with a puzzled look on his face. She looks over at him, "What's up?"

He looks up, "Nico and Dani stopped by the funeral home to see Natalia and he didn't take it so well." She nods, "Ok, but you look confused…."

"No, that's not why I'm confused; she asked me if I could go shopping for food."

"And?"

"And I've never been to a grocery store alone. I went shopping with our Nanny when I was a kid, but never on my own."

Elizabeth starts to grin. He looks over at her, "What's so funny?"

She actually starts laughing, "You've never been shopping before? Who dresses you? Do you still have a Nanny?"

He throws his jacket at her, "Hey, I've been shopping, just never for food. And I pick out my own clothes and dress myself. No. I do not have a Nanny!" He looks over at her; _it's good to see her smile._ He looks down at his phone and holds the button on his iphone, "Siri, how do you go grocery shopping?" She laughs again and throws his jacket back at him. He catches the jacket and puts the phone down.

She settles down and he looks over at her. "Seriously, I've never been grocery shopping before so it's gonna be an adventure." She looks over at him, "Do you want me to go?" He shakes his head, "No, I can do this. Is there anything you need while I'm there?"

She grins and almost wants to be cruel and ask him to get tampons but doesn't want to traumatize him on his first trip. She thinks for a minute, "A snack would be good, can you get me some Fruit Loops?" He nods and pulls up his note app to make a list. "Dr. Santino is going to send me a list of things we need at the house. If you think of anything, send me a text. I will be back in a little bit and if anything changes, give me a call?" She nods her head. He stands up to leave. She grins at him again, "Hey, you can call me if you need help."

He heads to the car and on the way, pulls out his phone again. "Siri, where is the closest grocery store?" He scrolls through the list that was displayed on his screen and enters the car. He chooses one and heads that way.

When he enters the store, he sends Dani a text asking for the list and figures he would walk around to get familiar with his surroundings; after all, you have to do recon. He walks up and down the aisles. He knows he's had most of this food before and he even prides himself at being a good cook. _Why haven't I ever done this before? _

As he walks up and down the aisles, he begins looking at the different brands of food and realizes he hasn't eaten since this morning. The food is just making him hungry. He walks back to the front of the store to get a shopping cart. There are three different sizes, one is small for only a few things, then there is the larger one probably for a family sized, and over in the corner, is a shopping cart that looks like a car. That one was awesome and he was going to choose that one but a lady came in with a little boy and he wanted to drive it. He will have to bring Alex next time so he can use that one.

He gets the smaller cart because Dr. Santino says it's only a few things. As he's walking up and down the aisles, his stomach begins to growl again. He checks his phone a couple of times, but there's no response yet. He knew of one thing he needed, Fruit Loops. _So where are the Fruit Loops? _He looks up and down the aisles and notices the produce section. He makes his way over to the display of apples, oranges and bananas. He looks at the different types and sizes of each fruit. There are also lemons, strawberries, mangos and pineapples. He looks through each item but can't find one that is cut into loops. He sees fruit cups and fruit trays but still no loops_. Maybe I should buy a few of each fruit and cut them myself. I really don't want Elizabeth to think I'm and idiot and can't find fruit loops. _

He picks out a few apples (Green and Red), some oranges, a pineapple and a bunch of bananas. He also gets grapes, strawberries and a Kiwi. He's never seen a brown kiwi, but the label says that's what it is, maybe it tastes different than the green kiwi he's always had. He checks his phone but still no reply from Dr. Santino. His top basket of the little cart is over flowing so he decides he may need a larger cart. As he is walking to the front of the store he picks up a few more things.

He transfers everything into the larger cart and begins walking up and down the aisles. He never knew there was so much to get at a grocery store. _What is the usual shopping list? She said milk, bread and eggs. I'll start there until she sends the list. _He looks at the aisle headers and sees bread on aisle seven. As he walks down the row, there are shelves filled with all kinds of bread. "HOLY CRAP!" He sees white bread, wheat bread, raisin bread, muti-grain, multi-wheat. They come in different sizes and shapes and many different brands. He picks up one a few different loaves hoping she would text soon and hoping the message included details. He makes his way over to the milk. _Of course there would be a variety. _There's skim milk, whole milk, 1% and 2%. _What kind do I get? _He starts reading the labels and talking to himself out loud. "If skim milk looks like watered down milk, and 1 and 2 percent have a little more…a little more of what? What the hell does whole milk have in it? He looks at the nutritional facts but that isn't helping much and why the hell doesn't milk have an ingredient list… There has to be something different about skim and whole." He looks up and down the aisle and he notices Half and Half. "What the hell is this… Half skim and half whole?" I'll just get this and if they don't like it, they can get it themselves."

He walks a little further up the aisle because he saw eggs. "Really? Now there are different grades of eggs…There's A and B, and then there is Large, Jumbo, Extra Large, Holy Hell…I'll get one of each. Dr. Santino will know what to do with them." He looks to his right and in the cooler opposite the eggs is ice cream. "Comfort Food, now this I can do!" He grabs a few different flavors that he knows he and Nico will like and one plain vanilla just in case.

At the end of the cooler section, he sees the beer isle. _We need something strong to drink._ He studies all of the shelves and the cooler area but there is nothing stronger than a cheap bottle of wine, "What the hell, ..where's the good stuff? No bourbon or scotch ."

He checks his phone again and still nothing. He begins walking up and down the aisles looking for anything that he thinks may be on a "Usual Shopping List". He walks down the toilet paper aisle. "Of course, why would toilet paper only come in one brand? That will have to wait." He walks up a few more rows and randomly adds things that look good to the cart. He is starting to fill the cart because he is starving and everything looks good. He's been walking up and down the aisles for almost an hour now and still no list. He looks at his over flowing cart and decides to check out. His watch reads almost two and he still needs to find a cleaner's for both of their suits.

He goes through the check out and loads the car. He sends a quick text message to Lizzy to see how things are going at the hospital and then heads toward the house. He's feeling pretty good about himself for his first grocery shopping trip. The total was just a little over $200.00, but he's spent that just on lunch plenty of times.

He gets to the house and notices the other car in the driveway. _If they are here, why didn't she send the list_. He grabs a few bags and heads into the house. The living room light is on but everything is quiet. He walks into the kitchen and notices the open bottle of scotch about half empty now. He returns the lid and replaces it on the shelf with the other limited supply of alcohol. He returns to the car about four more times for bags of groceries. If anyone is home, they must be sleeping before they head back up to the hospital. I will have Dr. Santino check out what I got and if she needs anything else I will pick it up on the way home tonight.

He looks through the phone book on the counter and sees a list of dry cleaners in the area. He makes a few calls and finds a 1-hour cleaners that is open. He tells the lady he can be there in half an hour. He goes to his room to get his stuff. On his way out he quietly opens Nico's door. He doesn't want to wake him, what he sees stops him in his tracks…


	31. Chapter 31

**Author's Note: I apologize for not updating soon. The last few weeks have been a blur and my concentration has been off. I am working on the next few chapters this week. Stuff is starting to settle down.**

Marshall is a little surprised to see Dani in bed with Nico, and then he realizes she has her clothes on._ This looks familiar. Finally, he's sleeping. How did we both end up like this? Nico I'm sorry I can't fix this._ He goes over to the chair in the corner where Nico put his suit. Grabbing it he tries to leave the room without waking them up, but Dani opens her eyes and smiles at him. He nods his head and leaves them alone.

He goes into the kitchen and puts the groceries away, except for the ice cream. "Crap!" _I should've gotten that last. _He throws out the containers after dumping the liquid ice cream down the sink. _Oh damn, fruit loops. _He goes into the refrigerator and takes out some of the fruit he bought. _How hard can this be? Kiwi, I'll start with that. _Taking a knife from the drawer he cuts into the fruit. _Hey, it's green!_ He starts to cut the kiwi in to loops.

Dani hears some noise coming from the kitchen. Not wanting anything to wake up Nico, she gently gets out of bed and makes her way out of the bedroom and to the kitchen. She needs him to be a lot quieter. "Marshall, what are you doing?"

He looks up from the kiwi mess in front of him. "I am making fruit loops. Lizzy wants them and I couldn't find any in the store; so I am cutting them myself."

Dani smiles wider than she has in days. He looks at her confused but goes back to cutting the kiwi. She walks around the table and wraps her arms around his neck and shoulders giving him a kiss on the cheek. "Fruit Loops is a cereal."

"You have to be kidding me! I spent fifteen minutes looking for them!"

Dani goes into the refrigerator and notices the Half and Half. "Marshall why did you get Half and Half?"

"You didn't say what kind of milk to get and there were so many kinds. How many kinds do there really need to be? So I got the one that was half skim milk and half whole….didn't I?"

Dani can't resist giving him another kiss on the cheek. He tried so hard and did it all with love. "I'll ask Lizzy run into the store for milk and cereal on her way home. It will only take her a couple of minutes. Everything else you got was perfect. I am going back into Nico; I want to try to keep him asleep as long as possible."

"Dani, can you tell Nico that Juliette is coming in tonight? I told her everything and she wants to be here." He looks almost frightened, but Dani can't understand why.

"I'll tell him. Marshall it'll be ok."

"I'll clean this mess up and get going. If you two need anything just call me."

"No, I'll clean it up later. Don't worry about it. Thank you for everything, you really are sweet."

Leaving the house, he realizes how important these people have become to him. _This is my real family._ Natalia was more of a mother to Juliette than Gabrielle ever was. He begins to realize he really doesn't care about the affair between Nico and Gabrielle. They were both young and stupid and were caught up by her beauty. She isn't his wife. She's more like a stranger that lives in his home and spends his money. "This has to end!" _This is not how our lives were supposed to end up. God Nico, why do we have to ruin everything for ourselves? _

Marshall gets in the car and plugs the address of the cleaner into his GPS. He arrives there in less than fifteen minutes. The lady is keeping the shop open for him. When he enters the building he notices a woman behind the counter, she must be about eighty years old. "Thank you so much for staying open. We need these for a funeral tomorrow and I forgot to bring them in."

"We aren't open on Sundays Mr…."

"Pitman, Marshall Pitman. I'll pay extra if you can have them ready by nine in the morning. It's very important to me."

"Like I said we aren't open on Sundays."

Marshall smiles and pulls out his wallet. "Would $1,000.00 make it worth your time to come in?"

"They'll be ready by nine."

Marshall just smiles and leaves. It's amazing what money can do. It can help or hurt those around you. Gabrielle always wants to buy things, more jewelry, more homes, and more people. She thinks "things" make you happy_. I don't know if she has ever had true happiness?_ She needs to go! _I can't keep this up. Life is passing us by. I am sorry Natalia, but I can't fix my marriage either. I know you have tried helping me but everything you told me to do, does not work with her. I don't love her. If I stay, I will never know the kind of love you had in your life. I want that Nat, I need it. _Marshall drives back to the hospital. He needs to see Lizzy. _She is my family._ _I need her. I love her. And I'm going to do this the right way. _

He quietly enters the room. A nurse is in checking Alex's vital signs and recording his progress. She looks over at Marshall and then back to her chart. As she's walking past she stops to whisper to him, "She dozed off about twenty minutes ago. She's having a rough time and was talking in her sleep. Something about Nat not coming back and she was looking for someone named Marshall. I didn't wake her but she did settle down after a minute. Alexander is holding on strong. His vitals have been steady for the past few hours and it appears the new meds are keeping his pain leveled out. We will be back in two hours to change his bandages. If you need anything, let us know." He nods his head and thanks her as she leaves. It's almost six now and he needs to pick Juliette up at nine.

He watches Lizzy's breathing and sees her curled up into a ball in her chair. There has to be accommodations for family members here. He stands up and walks out to the nurse's station. He leans on the desk and waits for the nurse to acknowledge him. She is entering notes into a computer and motions him to him with a finger. When she finishes the sentence she was working on, she looks up at him, "How can I help you?"

"I was wondering if the hospital has a cot or some type of recliner that we could get for the family members that stay in the room with the patient? My nephew is in the room over there and someone will be with him at all times, even during the night and it would be more comfortable if that person could stretch out. Do you have anything like that here?"

"We do have rollaway cots in a storage room down the hall; our staff can bring you one. The rooms are so small that we like to move them out of the way during the day so other visitors can be accommodated. I will have them bring one for you with blankets and pillows."

"Thanks that will be great." He walks back to the room and sits quietly in the corner to watch Lizzy sleep until they bring her a bed. _She's so beautiful. I wonder what she thinks of me. Could she ever love someone like me? Should I tell her how I feel? I meant every word I said before. I will be here as long as she lets me. Sleeping with her was amazing. I felt so safe and holding her body so close to me was like coming home. I haven't slept like that in years. Dani is doing the same for Nico and he needs that right now. I'm so glad she's here for him. She's good for him… for all of us. _His thoughts are interrupted when a nurse opens the door to roll in a cot.

Dani tries not to move Nico when she slides back into bed. She doesn't want him to wake up. He needs as much sleep as he can get. At times she can see him starting to have a nightmare; she just strokes his hair and whispers that everything is alright. She did this for her children and it seems to also work for him. As she lies in bed tears start to run down her cheeks. She hasn't cried much since she got here, but Nico is breaking her heart. She doesn't want to cry in front of him. That only happened once and she isn't going to let it happen again. _I know he needs me. I can't break, that will happen when I leave. I am going to have to leave after the funeral. Maybe I can come back. I'll talk to Marshall about it. _

They lie that way for the next couple of hours when Nico starts to wake up. He looks over at Dani and notices she is awake. "Good morning. You slept well."

"Yeah, no more nightmares. Thank you. Dani I mean it. I don't deserve your friendship, but I am grateful for it."

"Nico we never deserve friendship that is what makes it special. Love is given in spite of things not necessarily because of things. Ma used to tell me 'I like you because of..., but I love you in spike of', that is what makes love so special."

He looks at her. She's open and honest, not something he's accustomed to. Natalia was always open and honest; he didn't think anyone was like that anymore. He gives Dani a kiss on the cheek and starts to get up. Dani gets up and heads to the kitchen. Marshall left quite a mess, but she didn't have the heart to let him clean it up. There is a noise behind her and she turns to find Nico in the doorway. "What the hell happened here?"

"Marshall tried to make fruit loops." Nico looks at her raises one eyebrow and leaves the room. Dani can't stop laughing as she hears the shower turn on. After cleansing up the mess on the table she lets Gabby out and heads to her shower. They need to leave soon to relieve Marshall and Lizzy. Lizzy must be exhausted by now.

The hot water feels good as Nico takes a couple of extra minutes in the shower. _I just have to get through the next two day. Then I can breathe. _Turning off the water and grabbing a towel he looks in the mirror. The past few days show in his eyes. "Dani are you almost ready?" She doesn't answer so he wraps the towel around him and goes to the hall way. Her shower is still running so he finishes brushing his teeth shaving and dressing. _I better throw the laundry in. How many times can you wear the same pair of jeans between washes? _Smiling he grabs the clothes, goes into Dani's room, grabs the clothes she has thrown in a pile on the floor and puts them into the washer. With the laundry washing he waits for her in the living room.

Dani grabs a towel and starts to get dressed. She throws on a pair of jeans and one of Nico's tee shirts that she stole from the bedroom. _I should have packed more clothes. Jeanette would love to hear that! _ Hurrying out of the room she joins Nico on the couch. "Are you ready to go?" Nico notices her shirt and looks confused. "Ran out of clean shirts. Let's go."

"I started a load and threw your clothes in. Hope you don't mind."

"Thank you so much. I don't think I can keep stealing you clothes."

Laughing they get in the car and head for the hospital. She almost forgot to tell him about Juliette. "Marshall said Juliette is coming in tonight. He told her everything that happened and she wants to be here."

Nico stops the car on the side of the road and looks at her. His eyes say it all, there_ is going to be hell to pay._ "I don't know what to say to her Dani. She is going to be hurt; no angry. I would be if I were her."

"I can't tell you what to say. Just let her talk. I'll be there. It will be ok."

When they get to the room they find Lizzy asleep and Marshall staring at Alex. Nico puts his hand on his shoulder "Hey, time to go get some rest."

"I am going to pick up Juliette. Did Dani tell you? I thought Lizzy could head back to the house and get some rest. I'll meet her there."

"Copy that. Here are the keys. We'll go get some coffee while you get her up."

Nico and Dani head for the cafeteria as Marshall goes to Lizzy. She is so beautiful even when she sleeps. _I need her. _He bends down and gently pushes the hair from her face as he kisses her on the forehead. "Time to get up baby. Nico and Dani are here." She gets up and smiles at him.

"I guess we should go back to the house. "

"Can you drive back? Nico left the keys. I need to pick up Juliette."

"Sure. We should get going. I'll see you back there." Marshall helps her up the both go to Alex. She touches his face. "I'll be back soon buddy."

Nico and Dani come back to the room about a half hour later. Everything is quiet except for the beeping of the machines. They both take a seat . "Nico, you know we are going to have to leave him alone tonight? The funeral is tomorrow and we all need to rest."

"You can go back. I am staying here. Dani I can't leave him."


	32. Chapter 32

Dani knows Nico will not leave Alexander alone without someone there to watch over him, but she is worried because Nico really didn't sleep as much as he should have. Tomorrow is going to be rough on all of them and he really needs to sleep. She thinks back to when her kids were newborns and she didn't want to leave them at night in their rooms alone. This relationship is like that for Nico. The only way she felt safe was with the baby monitor on. This gives her an idea. She pulls up the internet browser on her phone and searches for high tech monitoring systems. She sends a message to Marshall asking if he can get something like this set up in the room tonight. He is the only person she knows who would be able to pull this off.

Marshall is almost to the airport when he receives the message from Dani. She is a genius. He knows all of them are going to need to attend the funeral but is uneasy about leaving Alex alone. The baby monitor system Dani found will link right to all of their smart phones. They can all monitor him when they are not there. He makes a few calls and has his tech guys get the gear and head to the hospital. He also calls the nurses' station to have the system installed and linked to the hospital internet system. He knows this will be expensive but he doesn't care.

It takes about an hour of talking with the various administrators and doctors but it's finally approved. With the understanding that the monitor will be turned off during treatment times and bandage changes, the approval was made. He sent all of their cell phone numbers to the tech guy and sent a message to Dani to download the app. This was a great idea.

Marshall arrives at the airport about ten minutes to nine. He wants to meet Juliette at the gate. With everything that has been going on this week, he really just wants to give her a hug and make sure everything's ok with her. He needs to see his baby. She's surprised to see him at the gate waiting. He usually just sends someone to get her.

He pulls her in close and holds her tightly for a moment. He hasn't hugged her like this in a long time but it feels good. She wraps her arms around his waist and holds on for moment before the tears start. She knows why she's here but up until now, it wasn't real for her. They must have stood in that spot for about twenty minutes and when they pulled apart the lobby area was mostly empty as all the passengers had moved to luggage carousels.

After getting her bags and a cup of coffee at the airport lounge, they head toward the car. When they step outside, Juliette realizes she hasn't been to their house in Colorado and it's been almost a year since she's seen them. She talks to them on the phone and via Skype, but has missed them since she moved back to New York.

The ride to the house is quiet. Marshall looks over at her a few times during the drive. She appears tired and her eyes are puffy. He reaches over and holds her hand the most of the way to the house. They pull into the driveway and the tears started to fall again. She looks at the house, the yard and then down street. He goes to move his hand to get out but she holds on and squeezes it. Her voice cracks, "Was she in pain when she died?"

He settles back in, "No, Sweetheart. She was in surgery and there was a problem and she technically died on the table."

She looks over at him, "And Alex, how is he?"

"I promise I'll take you to see him after you get settled in. You can have Alex's room and I will take the couch." She nods her head and moves to get out of the car.

When they enter the house, Gabby comes running up to Juliette to greet her. She drops her bag and picks the dog up. She hugs the dog and looks around at the house. It looks a lot like their place in California, but this house has more of a homey feel to it. Natalia definitely decorated it. She looks around as sees pictures all over the place. Their last home had a few here and there but nothing like this. She puts the dog down and grabs her backpack to go take a shower. As she's heading down the hall, a picture catches her eye and she stops. Marshall is walking behind her checking his phone and didn't notice her stop. He bumps into her and then looks over to see what has her attention. She reaches up and takes the picture off the wall. It's the picture of Nico and Natalia on their wedding day. "Natalia was married to Uncle Nico?" She looks up to Marshall.

He clears his throat and nods his head. "Yes, they're married and he is Alex's father."

She looks over at him and then back at the picture. She looks around and takes another picture off the wall of just Alex. "Wow, he looks just like Nico, how did I never see that before?"

Marshall put her bags in Alex's room and came back out into the hallway. "Can we talk in the living room?"

She follows him back down the hall slowly looking at all the pictures on the way. She picks up one off the mantle and sits next to her father on the couch. He looks at the last one she picked up. It's the one of them at the beach. "This was taken the last time we were all together."

Tears begin to form in his eyes as he remembers the day. He looks over at her, "What are you thinking?" She looks up from the photo, "I don't really know what to think right now. I just always thought he was your son…my brother."

"Oh.." he clears his throat and wipes his face. "No baby, why would you think that?"

"Well, you come here all the time, you talk to Natalia on the phone, you take Alex places and spend time with him. I just assumed you were trying to make up for all of the mistakes you made with me. You also talk to Natalia. I've never seen you talk to mom like that. Natalia's always treated me like her daughter and I could always call her if I had a problem…. Mom has other men in her life, I just thought Natalia was the other woman. Please, don't get me wrong, I love her, she's amazing, but I never asked."

He takes the photo out of her hand and turns his body toward her. "Sweetheart, I want to tell you this one time, and one time only; I have NEVER had intimate feelings for Natalia. She is married to my best friend. She is my second best friend. I love her, but only as friends. I love Alex, but he's not my son. He's Nico's son."

She stands and looks around for a minute and then begins to pace the room. "So what happened here? Nico is the strongest person I know but he isn't in any of the pictures of Alex. She never mentioned she was married, and she never mentioned Nico. Even Alex never mentioned Nico. As far as I know, Nico was never there for Alex when he was sick. If I barely scraped my knee, Nico was always there when I needed him. He's not the type to walk away from someone he cares about. He's always there for me, the players and even the player's family members, but why not his own son? Where is he now?" Marshall can hear the anger building in her voice.

He walks over to where she stopped pacing and guides her back to the couch, "Calm down, he's at the hospital with Alex right now. Nico and Natalia split up before she learned she was pregnant. She made the decision to not tell Nico because she wanted him to come back when he was ready and not out of the obligation to a child. Nico found out about Alex after the accident and he's been here every moment since. He's not going anywhere. I'm sure if he would have known about Alex before, he would have come sooner."

She's quiet for a minute and then the anger hits again, "WHAT THE HELL KIND OF BEST FRIEND ARE YOU? Why didn't YOU tell him? If I would've known, I would've told him. Instead you come in here and spend time with HIS wife and HIS son…..What about us? I see the pictures and you were here from the beginning. Over there is a picture of you holding him the day he was born, there is the one of both of you at his christening, over there you are teaching him to ride his bike. THIS IS NOT YOUR FAMILY! I AM! YOU NEEDED TO BE THERE FOR ME!"

Marshall has been waiting for this. He wants her angry with him. She needs to let it out and he's the safest person for her to yell at and to tell her feelings. "Baby, you are my family. I've made a lot of mistakes in my life, you, Nico, even your mother. I want to fix this but I can't. I just want you to know I love you more than anyone in the world. You are my life. Nothing means anything to me, the homes, the cars, the planes, the money, none of it. You are what matters. Please believe that." He's crying now. He can feel her slipping away from him, he doesn't want to lose her.

"I love you daddy. I just wish everything was different. Why did Uncle Nico leave?"

"I can't tell you that. You have to ask him."

"Can't or won't?"

"Won't."

She looks up at him and half smiles. She picked up that smirk from her uncle. Nico adores Juliette, Marshall always knew that. Maybe that's why he never wanted to know if she was his or Nico's. This way she can be both of theirs. She's the only decent thing he has done in his life and he isn't going to leave her now. She needs her daddy to get through this. Juliette gives him a kiss and heads back to take a shower. _Uncle Nico and Natalia? Wow!_

* * *

Marshall opens the door to check on Lizzy. She's sleeping, but she keeps turning back and forth. He takes off his shoes and lies down next to her. He moves closer to her and puts an arm around her. She's so beautiful. After a few minutes she settles down and starts to snore. Carefully he gets out of the bed and moves to the living room to wait for Juliette. He calls Nico to let him know Juliette is at the house. "Yeah, she is pretty pissed... Mostly at me…. Do you need anything? Ok, I'll be here if you need anything."

They all need sleep before tomorrow and he hopes that Dani can talk him into coming back and getting some sleep. _He isn't going to want to leave Alex. Hell I wouldn't leave Juliette. But tomorrow is going to be tough_. He leans his head back and is asleep before Juliette is done with her shower. Juliette comes out of Alex's room, sees her dad asleep and notices that for the first time he looks vulnerable. He looks like a man, not like the image she created in her head. She likes this dad a lot more. She slowly moves him until he's lying down. Placing a throw over him she sits on the floor next to the couch and leans back looking around the room.

There's a noise at the door and Juliette jumps up. Nico opens the door and before Dani can walk in, Juliette is in his arms. He immediately wraps his arms around her. She pulls back trying to break his grip and starts hitting him on the chest. "Why didn't you tell me? You should have told me? I hate you! I hate you!" Marshall jumped up and took Juliette away from Nico. He held her as Nico went to his room and closed the door without saying a word. Lizzy came out of her room to see what's going on but everything seems to be calming down so she goes back in, they need time alone.

"Juliette, baby lets go back to the bedroom." Sobbing she follows her dad to Alex's room. He lies down with her and holds her until she cries herself to sleep. He hears Nico's bedroom door open and close. _I hope he can get some sleep. We have all messed this up buddy._

Dani enters Nico's room. He probably doesn't want her there, but she doesn't care. "Nico, are you ok? You know she didn't mean any of it, don't you?" Sitting next to him on the bed she tries to get him to look at her. He never wants to look her in the eye.

"Yes she did. She meant all of it, and I deserve it. I should've told her I was married. She deserved honesty from her uncle." He looks Dani in the eye. "I guess I do lie. I've been lying to her for years." He wasn't crying just staring at her. He needs an answer.. he needs to know what comes next.

Dani takes his hand she keeps looking at him. He looks lost. He's reaching for answers but there aren't any. "She's angry, but not with you, not really. She is angry because Natalia is gone. She's angry because she feels lost. She loves you. She just needs to be angry with someone. You and Marshall are convenient targets. Just give her some time and space."

"I guess we should get some sleep."

"I'll get you a sandwich you haven't eaten in a while. Then you can get some sleep." Dani stands up smiling at him she heads for the kitchen. _I hope Marshall got some lunch meat. Oh thank God!_ She made a couple of sandwiches and heads into Nico. He doesn't seem to want to leave the room. By the time Dani gets back he has changed into a pair of shorts. They sit quietly eating until Dani can't take it anymore. "Nico, tomorrow…"

"I don't want to think about that right now. I just want to get through it."

"Ok. Do you want me to wake you up at 8:00?"

"That's fine. Dani thank you again for everything." Standing she gives him a kiss on the top of the head and leaves the room. She leaves his door open a crack in case he needs her.

Dani throws the laundry in the dryer and goes into the kitchen. Pouring herself a glass of wine she turns off the light and sits in silence. Marshall is in with Juliette, Lizzy is sleeping and Nico is in his room. Everything is a whirlwind she just needs a few minutes to herself. Over an hour goes by before she notices she hasn't heard anything from any of the rooms. Gabby comes in and starts to whine. Dani opens the back door and follows the dog outside. She stands in the back yard waiting for her to finish. There's a beautiful porch with overstuffed furniture and a fire pit. _This is so comfortable. Too bad Nico was never here. I can see him at home here. _Gabby walks back to the door and Dani lets them both back in.


	33. Chapter 33

**Author's Note: I'm really sorry this story is dragging out. I've had a lot going on and I haven't been able to concentrate. That is very clear by the last chapter. I went in and corrected most of the mistakes. I'm also going back to each chapter to correct mistakes from before. No beta so all mistakes are mine and apparently I have a problem staying in the right tense. Anyway, things hopefully are settling down for me and I will have more time to write. Thanks for the comments, suggestions and support. **

* * *

As Dani enters the kitchen, she's surprised to see Elizabeth awake. She really hasn't had time to talk to her to see how she's really doing. Elizabeth closes the refrigerator door and sees Dani at the door. "Hey Dr. Santino." Dani shakes her head no, "Please call me Dani, and how are you doing?"

Elizabeth looks down at the sandwich she is making and wanting to avoid the obvious question, "I'm a little hungry. Marshall must have forgotten the cereal so I'm making a sandwich instead." Dani smiles at the thought of Marshall and the shopping disaster. It finally dawns on Elizabeth that everyone is at the house, "Who is with Alex? He can't be alone." Dani reaches over to her phone and pulls up the new app, "It's ok, he is sleeping and the hospital has everyone's number if there are any changes. Marshall had a video monitor installed and we can all view the room from our phones. I will help you install the app on your phone." She hands her phone over to Elizabeth for her see for herself.

"When did this happen? I just left the hospital a few hours ago?"

Dani nodded, "It was after you left. I asked him to do this because with the funeral tomorrow and everything that happened today, Nico really needs to sleep tonight."

Elizabeth hands the phone back to Dani. "So Dr. Sa.. I mean Dani, how is he doing?"

Dani looks over at her, "He's dealing with this the best way he knows how. It's hard for him. Nico is the strongest person I know and letting other people see his emotions is not something he's used to doing."

Elizabeth studies Dani for a minute, "The Nico I knew was not like that at all. He must have really changed after what happened. He used to smile, joke, laugh and talk all the time. He had his serious moments but when he was with Nat, nothing was too serious. He was like a brother to me. If I ever had a problem, he would stay up all night letting me talk it through, and if I wanted him to take care of it, all I had to do was ask. He's so different now. I expected him to be devastated by her death, but he's really different. I can tell by the way he carries himself."

Dani thinks about what Elizabeth said and really can't picture Nico as laughing or funny. All she has ever seen is his serious side. He may make a dry comment now and then, but no real jokes. Then again, she has never seen any part of his personal life.

Elizabeth pulls her from her thoughts, "Dani, may I ask you a question?"

Dani looks over at her and nods, "Sure"

"Are you and Nico together?"

Dani is speechless for a moment, "No. Nico is one of my co-workers and has come to be a close friend, but no we're not together. And honestly, I've known the man for a little over a year, and I've never even seen him look at a woman in that respect. I always wondered why but never asked. I can tell you that after being here with all of you and being there for him today, I know he has never been with another woman since Natalia."

Elizabeth sees the truth in her eyes. Dani has to be the closest person to Nico as a friend to know that kind of truth.

Dani looks over at Elizabeth, "May I ask you a question?"

Elizabeth looks up from her food, "Sure"

"Why didn't you tell Nico about Alexander?"

Elizabeth picks up her food and nods her head toward the dining room table. They sit facing each other and Dani leans forward with her elbows on the table.

"I tried to. I went to see him at the hospital about two weeks after all that happened. He refused to see me. I kept asking Marshall where he was and how he was doing. Marshall would either tell me 'he's ok' or he would avoid the answer. One day I saw Nico on tv standing behind Marshall at a press conference. I knew Nico was working for Marshall but his expression on the camera was so empty. He looked tired and not the same person I knew. I never told Nat about that. I did fly to NY a couple of years ago when Alex was sick and I was going to tell him then. I got all the way to his office door and Marshall stopped me. He told me that Natalia didn't want him to come back out of some misguided feelings. She loved him and we both promised to let her be the one to tell him. I knew she wrote a letter to him every month. She included pictures and videos. Marshall hand delivered every single letter. He said he would put them on Nico's desk when he wasn't in his office. Natalia mailed every single letter to the stadium but Marshall made sure he got them. She said he would read them when he was ready but she was sure he would keep them until then. About two years after he left, he sent her divorce papers. I've never seen Nat so heartbroken. She was devastated. She thought he had moved on without her. Marshall assured her that wasn't the case. He just wanted her to move on without him."

"No, I was too afraid that it would happen again." Both of them jumped at the sound of Nico's voice. Nico walked past them into the kitchen to get a bottle of water. They both watched him not knowing what to say. He came back and took the chair beside Dani.

"I was afraid that I would hurt her again. I still have nightmares where I go to sleep in my bed and wake up on the couch. I couldn't risk hurting her again. Staying gone was the best option. I figured she would move on if I didn't talk to her or have any contact. Marshall would tell me every single time he saw me to call her. He never told me about Alexander and yes I would've come back. I would have also lived in fear that I would hurt him. I'm terrified that it could still happen. I don't know what my plans are right now for when he comes home, but I'm sure we have time to come up with something. " He reaches over and picks up Dani's phone. He opens the screen and then the video app. He sees the child still sleeping and tears fill his eyes. "I'm scared."

Dani and Elizabeth both reach for his hand. "We are all here for both of you and nothing will happen to him. A clock in the hallway chimes for the hour and Dani looks at her watch. "It's midnight and we need to get some sleep. Tomorrow is going to be a long day and we need rest." They all move silently to their rooms.


	34. Chapter 34

Lying on her bed Dani goes over the past few days in her mind. _I don't remember the last time I was this tired. Nico I can't fix this. I want to take away the pain, but I can't. I want to bring her back to you, but I can't. Tomorrow is going to be hell. _Dani drifts to sleep. She wakes up suddenly to screams coming from Nico's room.

Running into the room she sees him sitting up in bed shaking, He's sweating, he can't catch his breath, and tears are running down his face. Before she knows it everyone is up and in his door way. "I have him. Why don't the rest of you go back and get some sleep. Marshall, we need you to take care of things early in the morning, so you need to get some sleep." Dani can see the look in Marshall's eyes. He's use to taking care of things, but this time he needs to trust her. Marshall looks at the others and they head back to bed.

Dani carefully approaches Nico and sits down next to him at the head of the bed. He hasn't stopped shaking and his breathing is uneven. She puts her hand on his arm and tries to get his attention but he's staring at the bed and seeing nothing. "Nico, I need you to breathe. Nico listen to me I'm here and I'm not going anywhere. You need to breathe now." Nico takes a breath. It's uneven but he's breathing. Putting her arm around his shoulder, Nico leans on her and starts sobbing. He can't control it anymore. He wants it to stop, to be anywhere but here. Only he is here and it won't stop. _Why won't it stop? I can't control anything, why can't I make it stop?!_

"Nico, don't fight it, just let it happen." She understands what is happening, he can't control the situation and for a man like him this is almost unbearable. "I'm not going to let you lose control completely, but you have to trust me. Please Nico trust me. I love you and I'm here for you. Do you want to tell me about the dream?" He shakes his head. That is too much for him, the nightmare of losing her isn't just a nightmare anymore. When he wakes up he's still in that nightmare, and it won't stop.

Dani slowly slides them down from the head of the bed until they're lying down and Nico is holding on to her like she's his lifeline. His head is on her chest and he is breathing easier, but he still feels like he is suffocating. The world is closing in and he can't stop it. "Nico, I need you to listen to my voice, just listen to it. I want you to take a slow deep breath in through your nose and out through your mouth. One, two, three, four, five, and again exactly the same way." He does this four times and starts to calm down. "See, it's ok, everything is going to be ok. I am here with you and I am not leaving." Her calm voice grounds him and he begins to come out of the panic attack. "Dani, I feel like I'm going crazy."

"You aren't going crazy. Trust me I'll tell you if you are. Just relax and close your eyes. "Nico looks up at her. She can see the terror and pain in his eyes. "What if I have another nightmare? What if I hurt you? I can't live with that. Dani I can't keep this up." She sees his breathing change and he's starting to panic again. "Nico you are safe with me. You aren't going to hurt me. If you have another nightmare I'll be here. Let me keep you safe for a change. You need the sleep, the morning is going to be hard and you need the rest." He starts to calm down and Dani can hear his breathing calm. He is resting his head on her chest again and she rubs his back until she feels him relax and his breathing tells her he's finally asleep. Nico talks in his sleep and wakes up a couple of more times but Dani is able to get him back to sleep right away. It's going to be a very long day.

Dani wakes up to the sound of someone letting Gabby out the back door, carefully she slides out of bed and quietly walks to the kitchen. "Good morning Marshall." Marshall turns to her a little startled. She looks tired and he's almost afraid to ask her about her night. "Good morning Dani. How did you sleep? Actually, did you sleep?" She can see the concern in his eyes. A week ago she only knew him to see him in the hallways, now she feels bonded to him/ He's like a big brother she wished she had when she was growing up. "It was a long night, but I'm ok. I want Nico to sleep as long as he can. How was Juliette?"

"She cried herself to sleep. Dani how do I talk to her? I don't know what to say. She misses Natalia, but she thinks Nico is going to hate her now. She told me that after what she said yesterday and the things she did as a child he could never possibly forgive her. She's hurt and scared and I'm a poor excuse for a father. A good father would know what to say, he would be able to help her." Dani walks up to him and holds him as he starts to cry. She knows he wants to take the pain away but he can't. She also understands that he's scared of what today will bring. "Marshall, when are the suits going to be ready?" Her question surprises him as he steps back and wipes his face. "I can get them at nine. Do you think there is anything else we'll need?" Dani looks at him and slightly smiles. The question worked, it distracted him and gave him something to focus on. If he can do something to help he will be able to get through the day. "No, I think we have everything. Thank you for taking care of everyone. You are a great dad; sometimes there is nothing to say. Just be there for her and everything will be ok." He walks up to her and kisses her on the forehead before heading back to his bedroom to get dressed.

Gabby is done and Dani lets her back into the house. "You have been so good. My kids would love you." "Maybe they can watch her for me." Dani jumps as she looks around to see Nico standing behind her. "I think I'm going to take Alexander back to New York when he's well enough to move." He looks exhausted but not shaky. "My family is there. Without Natalia there's no reason to stay here. Did you get any sleep last night? I am sorry if I kept you up."

"I got enough sleep. Don't worry about me. Marshall is going to get the suits for today. Is there anything you need before he leaves?" Nico just shakes his head as he goes to the coffee maker and begins to fill it. "Do you need to talk about anything? I am here if you want to." He shakes his head again as he continues to stare at the pot. Nothing feels real. It's like a movie, everything is going on around him but none of it's real.

"Dani, thank you." He turns to look at her. She is sitting at the table now and looking at him confused. "Last night was one of the worst nights I've had in years. I felt like I was going crazy, but you kept me grounded. I don't know what I would have done if you weren't here. So, thank you for everything."

Quietly she leaves the table and walks up to him. He looks so lost and scared. Last week if anyone had told her he could look like that she would have laughed at them. Today she just holds him and lets him feel safe with her here. "I'm not leaving you today so don't worry about anything. You can do this." Just then they hear Juliette and Marshall coming up the hall, and Elizabeth closing her bedroom door. Nico looks at everyone and leaves to go take a shower. He doesn't know what to say, and he doesn't want to start to cry so a shower seems like the safest thing.

"See I told you he would never want to see me again. There is no way he will ever forgive me. Mom was right, I am stupid. I never think before I talk and I can't do anything right. Why am I like this?" Juliette keeps talking about everything she has ever done wrong. When Marshall tries to calm her down she ignores him and runs back to the bedroom. He starts to follow her, but Dani stops him. "Give her some time to herself. We are all here. Why don't you go get the suits? It is almost nine and I am sure they will be open by the time you get there." Marshall looks at her sighs and leaves the house. They hear his car pull away and Dani turns to Elizabeth. "He just wants to make everything better and there is no way to do that."

Elizabeth nods her head in agreement as she pours herself a cup of coffee. "Do you want one?" Dani smiles and Elizabeth pulls down another mug and pours the coffee. "I worry about Marshall. Everyone worries about Nico, and they should, but Marshall is really hurting. He blames himself for not forcing Nico to open those letters or pick up the phone. I know he doesn't say anything, but he does feel guilty. I want to help him but he never wants anyone's help. Maybe after today he will let me try."

"He loves you, you know. I can see it every time he looks at you. I've never seen him look at anyone else the way he looks at you. I know I don't know him that well, but even I can see that much. He will let you in. Just get through today first. Let him be the caregiver. It makes him feel useful and safe. He understands how to care for others; after this you can show him what it is like to be cared for." Dani smile as she finishes her coffee. Elizabeth looks surprised but happy about what Dani has told her.

"I am going to get dressed. Thanks for the coffee." Dani stops at Nico's room and knocks. She waits but there is no answer. After knocking again she is worried so she just walks in. _It isn't like I haven't seen a naked man before._ Nico is in a towel staring at the mirror. He isn't seeing anything; he is just staring. "Nico? Nico, are you ok?" He doesn't look at her. "You can do this. We are all here and I promise you, you **can** do this."

He turns to look at her but his eyes are vacant. "Please help me. Don't leave me today, just today." Dani walks in front of him, and stares him in the eyes. "I promise to be there for you. I am not going anywhere. If you need me just look at me and let me know." His eyes never leave hers and she sees him really understanding what she is telling him. She touches his cheek, "I am going to get dressed. Marshall should be back soon and you can get ready. I'll be in the living room." He turns back to the mirror and she leaves him alone.

Marshall walks into the house, as Dani walks into her room. He knocks on Nico's door and walks in. "I got the suits. Nico are you ok?" Nico looks at him and walks closer. _He is still angry with me. I should have told him something, made him call her, read the letters, anything. _Just then Nico puts his arms around Marshall. "Thank you for everything. I have never told you that but you are my family and I do love you." Marshall doesn't know what to say but he drops the suits and holds him. They are brothers and have been for years. This is what family is about. As he leaves Nico Marshall realizes that life has to change_. I can't stay with her. Life is too short to have this many regrets._ _I need Lizzy, I want Lizzy. When this is over I have to call Devon; have him draw up the papers. This ends now._ He goes into his bedroom to change. Juliette looks at him and walks out.

Juliette walks into the living room and sees Elizabeth there. "What do you think will happen today? Is the coffin going to be open? Am I going to have to say anything? I don't know what to say. I don't like to talk in front of crowds. Everybody thinks that is funny, I don't like to talk in front of crowds…." Elizabeth knows Juliette is scared and is just talking to talk. She lets her go but has long since stopped listening. Not long after Dani, Marshall and Nico join them. Dani looks around, "it is time to go. We need to be there before everyone starts to arrive. She goes to pick up the keys to the car but Nico stops her. "I'll drive Dani. I'm ok."

"Nico I thought we could take two cars. Marshall are you ok with that?" Dani looks at Marshall hoping he understands her question. He looks at her smiles and nods. Juliette is a bit much to handle right now so two cars might be the perfect solution. He leads Juliette and Elizabeth to his car and Nico leads Dani to theirs. Marshall can't take his eyes off of Nico _I should have gotten the limos. Oh well too late for that now._ Everyone gets into their cars and they leave for the funeral home.


	35. Chapter 35

**Author's Note: Here is the funeral scene. This chapter is longer because I didn't want to break it up. I do apologize for this one taking so long. This is the chapter I had problems writing. I did have help and I want to thank those who have supported me through this. It's not the end of the story, but the toughest part for me so far. **

Nico pulls up in front of the funeral home. He's glad Dani suggested they take two cars. He needs peace and a car with Juliette in it is anything but peaceful. Pulling into the nearest parking space and turning off the engine; he pulls out his phone and checks the video of his son. He's checked it three times already and nothing has changed. Alexander is strong just like his mom. Nico turns to Dani. "Can you stay close? I don't know if I can do this alone."

"I'll be there the whole time. Maybe you should go in the room by yourself, just for a few minutes." He looks at her not sure if he can. "It'll be ok. We will just be in the lobby. You need to say goodbye to her by yourself." She takes the car keys from his hand and they both get out of the car and walk to the front door. Nico opens the door and they both walk into the lobby. Everything is the same except for the smell.

Yesterday the place smelled like an office, paper, furniture polish, and toner. Today it smells like flowers. He doesn't know why but the smell is making him feel sick. It's a sweet perfume, too sweet and too strong. Dani notices the look on Nico's face. He leaves her and heads to the bathroom. Just then Marshall, Elizabeth and Juliette come in.

Juliette hasn't stopped talking since they left the house. Marshall knows she's scared, she keeps talking but isn't saying anything. He notices Nico isn't there and looks at Dani. "Marshall, can you take them into the room to say goodbye? I need some time with Nico."

"Is everything ok? I can talk to him if you want."

"No, but I can use your help. I know this is going to be hard for you, but can you keep your eye on Elizabeth and Juliette?" He nods his head. _I can't fall apart, not now. Help me not lose it. _Marshall wasn't sure who he was talking to in his head, he just hopes whoever it is, is listening.

Dani finds the funeral director and asks her for some water. Taking the bottle and some of the mints from the bowl on the table she goes after Nico. She can hear the water as she opens the door to the bathroom. Walking in she locks the door behind her. Nico is standing at the sink staring into the mirror. Handing him the bottle of water, "Here, rinse your mouth out and have a mint."

"How did you know? I thought I was doing ok, but the smell got to me." Dani just looks at him and doesn't say anything. He needs to talk through this and she's afraid if she says anything he will stop. "I don't belong here. They are her family; what am I? I am not a husband, just someone who destroyed her life."

"You are her husband, and from what I can tell, the only man she ever loved. You love her and somehow I think she always knew that. Now you have to let her go."

Tears fall down his cheeks as he continues to stare into the mirror. Dani wishes she could know what he sees when he looks at himself, but unfortunately she thinks she has a good idea. Finally he looks down at her. "Ok, I'm ready. Can you stay close?"

"I told you I'm not going anywhere. I'll be near; if you need me I'll know." He manages a weak smile and pulls her into a hug. She can feel his heart pounding. "Nico we're all here. Let me know if you need anything."

"Dani, can you go into the room with me? I know you said I should do this by myself and I will, but not yet." His eyes are filled with tears as he looks at Dani.

"Ok, but if you want me to leave just let me know. You don't want it now, but you may later." Dani wants to talk to the funeral director, but decides to wait until people begin to arrive. The stream of people will keep the four of them occupied while she talks to her.

Nico unlocks the bathroom door but stops. "Dani, thank you." She's about to stop him but he keeps talking. "I don't think any of us could get through this without you. Stop squinting. I mean it, thank you." She's a little confused. Isn't this what friends do? She walks up to him and gives him a kiss on the cheek. He opens the door and they both head toward the room where Natalia and Derek are.

Dani keeps her hand on Nico's back as he opens the door. The scene is a lot different from the one he saw yesterday. There are two caskets at the end of the room surrounded by beautiful flowers. Derek's casket is dark brown and closed, next to it there is a table with a picture of him in the snow sitting on a horse_. I wonder if he ever took Alexander riding._ Dani hasn't removed her hand from his back and he's grateful for that. _Why am I so scared?_

"Nico are you ok?"

"Yeah."

Everyone turns when Nico and Dani come into the room. Juliette is sobbing and Marshall has her wrapped in his arms. Elizabeth's eyes are red she has been crying but has manages to pull herself together. Marshall doesn't take his eyes off of Nico. Nico's eyes meet Marshall's. They have an understanding, it has been there for decades; they can get through anything together. Juliette breaks from her father and runs into Nico's arms.

"Uncle Nico I'm so sorry. Don't hate me. I didn't mean it, I didn't. Please don't leave me. PLEASE! The only people who ever loved me were you and Natalia, and now… Please don't leave me. I want her back! Why can't she come back?" He just stands there holding her, her head buried in his chest. She reminds him of the scared little girl who hid from him for two days because she broke his favorite crystal bowl. She thought he would hate her for breaking it. Why? It was just a thing. It meant nothing, but her mother told her that Uncle Nico would be angry with her and wouldn't want to see her after she was so careless. He still hasn't forgiven Gabrielle for that.

"Juliette, I can't hate you, and I'm not leaving. Your dad loves you very much, and so do I. Its ok baby, it's ok." He finds himself rocking her in his arms like he did when she was little. She isn't his, but it doesn't matter Juliette will always be a part of him. "Come here Jules. Let's sit with your dad." He looks at Marshall and they both understand. Nico never wants to come between Marshall and Juliette he just wants to be a part of their family. He moves her closer to her dad, and Marshall puts his arm around her. Juliette turns to her dad and puts her head on his chest. She needs him. He mouths "Thank you." and holds her as her sobbing starts to slow.

Dani has been standing with Elizabeth and is concerned by her silence. "How are you doing? I know this is hard for you."

"She looks beautiful doesn't she? Nat always loved to have her hair perfect. Should I take her jewelry off before they close the casket? I don't know what she would want. She's being cremated so maybe she would want Alex to have them. What if he doesn't make it? Maybe Nico wants them. He may only want the rings. She never told me what to do. I don't know what to do." Dani pulls her into her arms as Elizabeth breaks down. She can't stop crying as the thoughts just keep coming. _What am I supposed to do? Should I have stayed at the hospital? What if Alex wakes up? I shouldn't be here, I am not her family?_

"Elizabeth… Elizabeth!" Dani's voice is firm but caring. "Let's go sit down over here." Dani leads her to the first row of seats in front of Natalia. She's sitting between Dani and Marshall. Marshall moves to put an arm around Elizabeth. Dani gets up and looks at the three of them. _They make an incredible family._

"Nico I am going to talk to the funeral director for a couple of minutes. Is there anything you want?" He looks at her and simply shakes his head. He wasn't ready for Juliette to need him like she does, but somehow it makes him feel a little better. If he can't fix this at least he can help her.

Dani steps into the lobby. She knows Derek's family will be arriving soon and the people will start walking in. She wants to take care of a few things before they get here. Walking into the director's office Dani starts to look around. "Can I help you?"

"Thank you, I'm Dani. I'm sorry I didn't catch your name earlier."

"Lauren, is there anything I can do for you?"

"I know Natalia's family hasn't talked to you, but I was wondering what was happening with the service and what you want them to do after. They aren't going to the interment so maybe they can say their goodbyes after all the other guests leave?"

"That's fine. It's going to be a non-denominational Christian service. It shouldn't take more than twenty minutes. The other family requested that no eulogies be given if that's ok with your family. Tell Mr. Careles we won't close the casket until the other party has left for the cemetery. I'll stay here and my partner can go with them. Is there anything else?"

"No that's perfect. I don't think Mr. Careles wants a long service so the no eulogy thing should be fine. Also, could you take her jewelry off? Her husband hasn't mentioned it but he will want it for their son."

"That isn't a problem. Should I give them to him or another family member?"

"No, just give them to me. I'll make sure he gets them. Thank you for all of your help." Lauren smiles politely as Dani leaves her office. Heading back to the room Dani runs into Jacob. "I'm glad you got here a little early. Have you seen Derek's family?"

"They just pulled up when I did. Should I wait here for them? Please, I need to do something."

He seems so lost. "Just wait here for them. I'm going to get everyone out of the room so his family can have some time alone. I'll only be a couple of minutes. Can you stay with his family?"

"Yes, I'll keep an eye on them, see if they need anything. Are you ok?"

Dani hadn't thought about herself. She was so worried about everyone else. "Thanks, yes I am fine. How are you holding up? This has to be hard."

"It is. I just need to keep busy, so if there's anything you need me to do, just ask." She smiles at him and heads in to tell Nico that they need to give Derek's family some time alone with their son.

Dani goes in and takes the seat behind Nico. She puts her hand on his shoulder and he turns to look at her. "Derek's family just got here. Maybe we should go to the lobby so they can have some time with him." Nico taps Marshall on the arm and motions for them all to leave. They head to the lobby and find some comfortable couches. Nico decides to get some air and Dani follows.

He walks out and nods to Derek's family. Amanda gives him a small smile and heads into the building. He can see the love they have for each other. "Look at them. That's what she should've had. I should've given her that. I don't know how to love Dani. Look at how I treated her, look how I treat them."

"That isn't true. You do know how to love. You love Natalia, and I see how you look at Alex and Juliette. What you have with Marshall is complicated, but you do love each other."

"We do? I've never told him that Juliette is his. What have I been waiting for? Tell me, if I love him, why wouldn't I tell him?"

"Did you keep it from him to hurt him?"

He thought about it for a few moments, "No, I never wanted to hurt him. I wanted to hurt me."

"There's your answer. As long as you keep your secret you can torture yourself. You betrayed your best friend. You slept with his wife, look at what a horrible person you are. The problem is that the last part isn't true."

"Isn't it? With everything I've done; Dani, the last part is true. Natalia deserved better, Alexander deserves better. Hell Marshall deserves better than me."

"Ok, this needs to stop. You aren't that person, trust me. You are a caring loving man. I have watched you take care of people when…"

"When I need a paycheck."

"No! Stop it. You don't need a paycheck and we both know that. You need to take care of people." She stands in front of him trying to get him to look at her. When he does she continues. "Tell him. When all of this is over, tell him. He deserves it, and so do you. It's time to forgive yourself for whatever it is you think you've done wrong. You aren't that person. Please see yourself the way I do."

Cars have started to pull up and Nico notices the funeral director's assistant walking toward them. "Mr. Careles, we are ready to start if that's alright with you?" Nico nods and guides Dani back to the building. _Nice save Nico, but our conversation isn't over yet. _He notices her squinting at him but ignores it for now.

People are starting to gather in the lobby. They are talking and signing the condolence books as they line up to enter. Nico and Dani find the others and go into the parlor. Nico immediately goes to Amanda to give her a hug. "Mr. Careles please follow me." The assistant leads Nico and the rest of them to Natalia, they are told where to stand and put in position. Nico is next to the casket with Elizabeth next to him. Marshall takes his place next to Elizabeth but looks at Juliette. She hasn't said one word since she fell into Nico's arms and she has been either chewing her nails or rubbing her hands. Dani notices Marshall's concern. She takes Juliette's hand, "Come here honey we are going to sit on the couch over here." There's a couch behind them and against the wall. There Juliette can't see Natalia, but Dani can see Nico. He's stone faced, but he glances over at Dani just to reassure himself that she's still there.

The doors open and the people start to come in. The line goes past Derek's family first and then to Natalia's. Nico feels out of place. It's more than what he said to Dani. That is part of it, but it's also the fact he knows none of these people. She had a new life, one that didn't include him. The first person reaches Nico "I am so sorry for your loss. She was a wonderful woman."

Over a hundred people come through the line Nico only recognizes two of them David, Natalia's boss and Caroline, Alexander's teacher. He politely greets everyone but continues to glance at Marshall and Dani. He knows this is all because of Natalia, she was a wonderful woman. People loved her the minute they met her. _Sweetheart I am so proud of you. These people love you. There are so many people._

Finally, the last person goes through the line and they are told to take their seats for the service to start. Marshall leads Elizabeth over to the seat near the center isle and Dani guides Juliette over to her father. Dani turns to leave, she has been looking around and all of the seats are taken. As she heads back to the couch Nico takes her hand and leads her to a chair next to him. He sits next to Juliette and takes one of her hands in his. She can feel him there and he can stop her from chewing her nails.

Marshall has his hand around Juliette's shoulders and holds Elizabeth's hands. _Just another half hour and this is over. _He looks at Elizabeth. She's staring straight ahead but Marshall doesn't think she's seeing anything. Then he looks at Nico. He can see how tight his jaw is. Before Marshall can say anything to him he notices Dani's hand move to his back. She is slowly rubbing between his shoulders and Marshall sees his jaw start to relax. Nico's free hand is still fisted, but he is a little better.

The music starts. Nico recognizes Fahl's _Going Home_. Natalia would have loved it. She played that song every day for months; drove him crazy. Nico smiled a little at the thought. He would tell her to stop it was too depressing, but she would just smile and turn it up louder. The minister walks in and goes to the front of the room.

"The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away…." Nico doesn't hear anything else. His mind goes back to the first time they went to mass together. She made him go to a Latin service. She was so excited to find one, but when it was over he made her promise not to make him go to those. She laughed, really laughed but she never took him again, though she did make him go to mass every Sunday. He had stopped going for years; God wouldn't want him there. Natalia insisted that God would want to see him even if it was only once a week. It was their time together. It made her happy to have him there, and it made him happy to share her life with her.

The minister finally stops talking. _Thank God! _Nico smiles at the irony of his thought and then the music starts again. _Not that song. Who picked that song? _Bocelli and Brightman's _Time to Say Goodbye _begins and Derek's casket is moved to the center aisle. _Make them stop that song! Please! _Dani notices the change in Nico. His back tenses and she can feel his heart pounding. It has to be the music. Keeping her hand on his back she takes his free hand in hers. Opening his fist she forces him to hold her hand. Then the tears start again. Derek's casket is being pushed up the isle as the people walk behind it. Amada looks at Nico. She wants to go over; to tell him how much they all love Natalia, but she keeps walking with her parents.

Once the last person walks out of the room, Lauren comes in and shuts the doors. She walks to the front where everyone is starting to get up. "Mr. Careles, you can have some time to yourselves. Let me know when you are ready." She leaves the room to make sure everything is running smoothly outside.

Juliette looks at Nico; "Ready for what? Uncle Nico, ready for what?" It is the first thing she has said in over an hour.

Looking at Marshall, Nico takes Juliette into his arms. "It's time to say goodbye Jules. We have to say goodbye to her now."

Juliette starts sobbing again. Marshall comes over and leads her to the casket. "Tell her anything you want, but you have to say goodbye baby." She just stares at Natalia. She can't say anything. _How do you_ _say goodbye?_ Marshall pulls her to him and leads her away.

Elizabeth goes up. She looks at her, "You are so beautiful Nat. I mean beautiful. Don't worry about Alex he's going to be fine. Nico is here now and with the three of us around he won't get away with anything. Nico has this friend Dani, she is so much like you, so you don't have to worry about him either. Dani has been looking out for him; actually, she's looking out for all of us. I'll see you again but for now we can talk every night. I love you Nat, I always will." She kisses her on the forehead and turns to Marshall. He said his goodbyes at the hospital and never liked talking to a corpse in a casket so he doesn't go up. He leads the two women out of the room to give Nico some time alone.

Dani starts to leave. She knows Nico needs to say goodbye. "Please don't leave." Dani walks back to him. She knows he needs time alone with Natalia but he's afraid. His eyes tell her everything. If she leaves this all becomes real. There will be nothing between him and the reality that Natalia is never coming back. It's a hard reality, but it is reality. She isn't coming back and all of the distractions aren't going to change that fact. It hurts her, but this time she's going to have to walk away from him. He needs this, even if he doesn't want it.

"I'll be in the lobby. I'm not far and I'll come back in a few minutes." She sees the panic in his eyes. "It will be ok. I promise. I'm just on the other side of that door. Nico you need this. It's the last time and you have to say goodbye. Trust me you will regret it if you don't. I'm not leaving just giving you some time." Dani squeezes his hand and heads out the door. She doesn't look back because she's afraid if she does she won't be able to leave him, and he needs this. She closes the door behind her and finds Lauren. "I have a question if you have a minute." Lauren pulls her to the side away from people. "The cremation, you can't use that casket can you? I am not being morbid. I just want the answer in case her family asks later."

"No, you aren't being morbid. She will be transferred into a wooden casket before the cremation. Mr. Pitman took care of that. He knew she loved pink so he wanted both. I hope that isn't a problem. We do everything very gently."

"It isn't. Thank you. He can be very caring." Dani looks at Marshall with the two women. She never realized the kind of man he is. He was always a name on paper or someone to pass in the hallway. Now she sees him, loving, strong, and protective. Elizabeth and Juliette are very lucky to have a man like that in their lives. He knows how to love. She smiles at them and starts back for Nico.

Nico watches Dani close the doors. He turns to his wife. "Hi baby. Dani says I need to say goodbye to you. She says I need to do it on my own. You know how well that worked the last time. Don't worry that won't happen again. How about Jules? She's getting more beautiful every day. I wish we had all spent time together, but I'm glad you got to know her even if I wasn't there. Dani says I need to forgive myself, maybe someday but not now. Please don't be mad. I will get to happy just not today. Don't worry about Alex he's going to be fine. I promise I'm not going to leave him. He'll never forget you. I can't wait to tell him all about his mother, how funny you are and how smart. Do you remember making me stop to let the turtle cross the road, or all the times you would drag me out to go walking in the rain? I thought you were crazy. I still walk in the rain baby, I never stopped. I love you and I always will. They say till death do us part, but that isn't true. You will always be with me. Goodbye sweetheart, I love you." He leans to kiss her but stops. He needs to look at her one last time. _We never realize there is a_ _last time for everything._ Finally, he kisses his wife on the top of the head for the last time. Wiping the tears from his face he heads to the doors.

He finds Marshall, "Why don't you take the ladies to eat? Don't worry I'll be fine. I don't think Dani's letting me out of her sight anyway." Marshall smiles and motions for Elizabeth and Juliette to follow him. Juliette walks up to Nico gives him a kiss on the cheek, tells him she loves him and leaves with her dad.

Lauren motions for her assistant as she walks towards the room. She is stopped by Nico before she can open the door. "I want to be there."

"Mr. Careles we don't recommend the family be there if we can avoid it."

"I know, but I need to see it."

"Ok, just give me a few minutes. My assistant will come get you." She goes into the room with her assistant leaving Nico and Dani alone in the lobby.

"Thank you Dani, you were right. I said goodbye, now I need to see the end."

"Do you want me with you? I can wait out here if you want."

"Please come with me. I just need to know you are there."

Dani puts her hand on his back again just as Lauren opens the door. "Mr. Careles you may come in." Lauren quietly hands Dani a bag. It has Natalia's rings, necklace and earrings in it. She does this so Nico doesn't see. They move to the front. Lauren begins to rearrange the covers over Natalia as her assistant puts a lever into a hole on the side of the casket. As he turns it Natalia is lowered into the casket. Nico's hands start to shake but he never takes his eyes off of his wife. Dani takes his hand and squeezes it. She wants him to know she's there for him. Finally it's done. Lauren looks at him and slowly closes the lid. She puts her smaller lever in the front and turns it. He can hear the casket seal and lock. It is over.

"Nico, let's go." Dani guides him through the doors and out to the car. He stops and takes a deep breath. She unlocks the car and they both get in. Dani starts the car but doesn't move it. She looks at Nico and decides to go back to the house and not out for food or to the hospital, not yet. He needs some quiet time, time to process what has happened.


End file.
